Grumble Goat

Guest Grumbler: Kris Ortiz Water, while necessary for life to exist, is boring; but a bright splash of yellow and a quick squeeze of lemon invigorates the mundane with a new vibrancy of color and flavor. A gin and tonic is visually indistinguishable from a club soda, but toss a wedge of lime in there and you may as well be sitting on the bank of the river Thames in Londontown. A garnish can bring...

Guest Grumbler: Kim Gant Our hair is precious. It’s our personality. It’s our identity. Every single day we fix our hair so that our face is gilded by luscious locks, framing our features with a hint of our hidden personalities. But, within the blessing of hair, there is – hidden – a curse. When our chimpanzee ancestors climbed down from their trees, they made a trade. The...

It is the dawn of a new existential era for humankind.  Technology heretofore existed to assist human tasks.  Machines now facilitate every aspect of our lives.  They move us at 60mph, they raise us to the correct floor, they calculate our data, they wash our dishes, they condition our air; the robots do everything, they just need manual input from a human.  The only logical next step is … let the...

Guest grumbler: Bill Janisse Humankind is a social animal. From gathering around a fire to grandiose ballroom cotillions, socializing is a primal need. And there is no more quintessential congregation to the human experience than hosting a function in ones own home. The house party is a sacrosanct gathering that is unbound by the formal laws of Emily Post. The etiquette of the common house party i...

French press, pour-over, cold-brew, or nitro-draught?  The search for the perfect cup of coffee is the modern day alchemy.  But turning lead into gold sometimes seems an easier feat that pleasing the bougie baristanados of Brooklyn.  Still, the stand-out favorite remains classic drip coffee.  But the drip is supposed to be contained in the percolator.  Why then is a drip falling upon my hand?  Whe...

Guest Grumbler: Rocio Mendez Nightclothes come in a multitude of genres. As a child, pajamas are a comfy cosplay of superheroes or magical ponies. As a teen, it might be boxers or a boyfriend’s tee. A 1950’s sitcom dad might wear a whole outfit of matching silk pants and button-down shirt. You might wear flannel pants; or it’s possible you wear nothing at all. We don’t have...

There is no question on the linguistic abuses of the English language. The labyrinthian guidelines and the chaotic use of it’s five vowels appear to an outsider as a quagmire of loose anarchy. But the conspiracy-theorist-string-board style of rules does allow the advanced user some level of finesse. Words like ‘leisure’ and ‘neither’ have multiple pronunciations, depe...

America’s most ostentatious contribution to the art of sport; the gridiron of goliaths in our modern day coliseums that fight and bleed for our entertainment. But those on the turf aren’t the only ones suffering concussions. Trying to wrap your mind around the rules that govern the game can create serious mental trauma. From the seemingly arbitrary timeclock to the confetti of red and...

Guest grumbler: Spencer Hadel Generosity sometimes seems like a dwindling trait. The fast-paced, cynical world we inhabit would scoff off true altruism as a cheap, Hollywood script device. Every red-blooded American knows that gift giving is an organized system between our Google Calendars and our Amazon Smile accounts. A recurring date prompts the appropriate level of gift within the appropriate...

In a world with much to Grumble about, two heroes emerge. Meet Mat, the darkly sarcastic comedian with an acute sense of the mundane. He teams up with the blithely optimistic Veronique with a spiritually driven aptitude for deficiting attention. Together, they transform the simple annoyances of life into bewildering fun-noyances! *Grumbles are specifically off-the-cuff, no research goes into these...