Getting Through This with Tom and Scott

Scott is complimented on his outerwear by two different employees at Trader Joe’s, a place that should be the role model for the world. Tom thinks that supermarket self checkout machines should talk to you and engage in casual banter.

We don’t just talk about how time seems to be flying by, we try to do something about it. And we don’t do it on the shoulders of those dreamers who came before us. But a cheerleader definitely should be able to say that she won an award on the shoulders of Greg.

In a shocking admission, Tom reveals that he routinely ignores requests to update apps online. Scott, on the other hand, earnestly clicks the Update box immediately, so he doesn’t miss out on anything. Can he influence Tom and other folks who choose not to update? No such updates required to listen to this episode.

When Scott proposes an idea to make the temperature in NYC always range from 60 to 90 degrees, Tom suggests that Scott introduce the idea at Davos. But he cautions that the rapturous ovation Scott will ultimately receive will be preceded by an uncomfortable hour punctuated by one slow clap every few minutes.

Tom drives back in time when he visits the grand old architecture of Richmond and Charleston. Then he’s back to the present when he stays at a DC hotel called the Sslamander. Scott’s intrepid research reveals that most salamanders look like a cross between a lizard and a frog. Which explains why a hotel would want to be named after them.

Tom worries that he will be chastised for “double bucket listing”, but Scott assures him, in his role as a “podcast only” lawyer, that since bucket law is nonexistent, there are no grounds for him to suffer any consequences for his bucket list wish of traveling from chilly temperatures to a balmy climate in Charleston, after already doing so in Savannah.

Now that Scott is going to bed and waking up early, does that make him 50 percent qualified to be a farmer? Tom is also an early riser these days but fears he won’t be effective feeding slop to the pigs.

Tom proposes another in our long line of inventions- this time it’s inflatable pants. Should he invest all of his assets into this idea even though no prototype exists? One thing we know for certain, on a different front, is that eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches make you feel and appear younger, which is why Scott suggests a Biden commercial showing him enjoying a PB&J with Jill.

Tom takes Scott and Ginger to dinner at the famed steakhouse Peter Luger, and it’s a dream come true for a kid from Brooklyn who had never before eaten there. Even the space age technology of the “doggie bag” was impressive, especially since Tom and Scott didn’t get into a tugging match that spilled over into the entire restaurant, with the patrons on their hands and knees vying for the precious s...

Thanks to a crumbling retaining wall at Tom’s house, Scott learns the difference between cement and concrete, and vows to share his newfound knowledge with the free world.

A trip to Kaaterskill Falls in the Catskills used to require traveling by a horse drawn carriage offering a bumpy, unpleasant ride. Now Tom zips up the Palisades Parkway in padded luxury in just 2.5 hours. Why isn’t this travel breakthrough on the front pages of every major metropolitan newspaper?

Our kind of town Chicago is, as Scott sings its praises from his visit earlier this week. Our theme is once again “time”, as Scott devises a plan to not lose an hour sleep when we set the clocks ahead. Tom tells the story of his first elevator ride ever, at Marshall Field, which we hope to rescue from the clutches of Macy’s and return to the city and its people. For that, we would happily accept t...

Why do pundits refer to what a President says in the State of the Union speech as a “laundry list”, which is something that doesn’t exist. Plus, we would like to see a State of the Union where a couple addresses Congress about the state of their relationship, a different kind of Union, with a rebuttal after the speech by the other partner. And Scott would love to be the opening act for the speech,...

We won’t ask you to answer a brief survey after you listen to this episode. We imagine a dystopian future where the typical survey for your Amtrak ride forces you to compose a 5,000 word answer that details your every thought as you stare out the window from Penn Station to 30th Street Station in Philadelphia.

This leap year’s February 29 didn’t make the front page headlines, but we’re thankful for the bonus extra day, which gave us the gift of time. We propose, in addition to our previous call for an eight day week, to put February 29 on your wall calendar every year. Why? It’s about time.

We slide into the baseball jersey and pants controversy, as Scott is a uniform “expert” going back more than 30 years. Will players someday ask to be traded to a team with colors they like? If the authentic jersey is so thin, will the replica jersey be made of tissue paper? Plus, how to deal with agents who go to a coffee shop after playing basketball, wearing long, baggy shorts that look like dre...

We’re the first to propose that our nation’s Poet Laureate be elected by the voters of the US. This will necessitate a campaign with candidates reading their poetry at diners and rallies across the country, complete with negative ads.

Tom’s breaking news makes us throw out our planned scripted opening, and do an entirely improvised episode. Our second attempt to have a dinner party with Sandy and Ginger is postponed when Tom takes a nasty fall at a coffee shop. He’s happily on the mend, but the question remains. When will the dinner party actually happen?

After describing his glorious Valentine’s Day dinner with Ginger, Scott is encouraged by Tom to pitch his story to Hallmark, and ask for more money than anyone has before. And if they balk at that price, then quickly accept even less than their original offer. Plus, we reintroduce our idea that most films should be 15 minutes with only happy moments, and no conflict or drama. It’s the gift of time...

The Super Bowl gives us some ideas for NFL reform. Instead of just penalties for excessive celebration after a touchdown, let’s give bonus years for a well executed end zone dance routine. Plus, let’s have a fan do color commentary since we come up with what the highly paid analysts say seconds before they do.

Scott celebrates Tom’s birthday 23 days late, but that’s how we procrastinators roll. But a fine lunch was had by all, punctuated by the lively art of conversation. One thing remote workers miss are those office birthday parties that provide copious amounts of cake on a regular basis. What if someone delivered that piece of cake to a remote worker’s apartment and what would ensue?

Tom becomes the “Einstein of Modern Dentistry” by applying his high stepping walking technique to avert trips and falls, to protecting teeth from being broken. His rubber sidewalk proposal is endorsed by The Great Pedestrian Scott, who will lend his support through full page ads in defunct magazines Life, Look and Saturday Evening Post, which we will bring back with a full staff for one issue only...

Instead of the predictably harried and put upon sitcom husband who hates shopping, Tom and Scott love perusing the aisles of Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods, especially with their girlfriends. If Trader Joe’s ran our government, it would run incredibly efficiently, and our leaders would wear Hawaiian shirts and be super friendly and helpful.

What does a “One Sport” like Tom do at the end of his beloved football season? Spoiler Alert: He’s not going to curl up in a fetal position. And Scott angles for a sideline reporter job talking only about uniforms.

As a 20 year old student, Scott once roamed the aisles of a supermarket nervously wondering what he could make for the first dinner he had to cook for his roommates. This week, Scott made a culinary breakthrough when, thanks to Ginger’s training, he cooked a salmon dinner. Food for thought and laughter.