Getting Through This with Tom and Scott

Scott is moving on up to the East Side, to a deluxe apartment in the sky. Totally as an homage to The Jeffersons. And Tom shares breaking news that Scott’s alma mater Northwestern is ranked ahead of the University of Chicago in the WSJ best university rankings.

Scott tries a different kind of intervention on Tom. Instead of several non socially distanced people in a room telling him what he shouldn’t do, Scott suggests something Tom should do more often. Get out of the house. Even though that could lead to someone asking to box him on the street or force him to learn pole vaulting.

What Would We Do Without Certain Things?, a new segment, shines a plus positive light on paper towels, so we can be thrilled with them, all over again. Plus, our quest to degoon goons leads us to propose fun resorts where that process can take place.

18 days before his childhood home is sold, Scott takes Tom on a journey back to the late 1940’s, through old photos of Scott’s parents at famed supper clubs like The Latin Quarter..

Tom and Scott don’t want statues of themselves in parks or museums because, while it’s nice to be honored, statues just aren’t very flattering. A giant, weatherproof 8 x 10 glossy photo would be better.

Tom and Scott propose ending the use of the word enemy, and replacing it with a term that won’t lead to war. Out of towners. And they urge insurance companies to reimburse doctors for listening to the heart of a 4 year old girl’s doll.

Scott dares to use a public restroom at Bloomingdales. And Tom reveals his 2.5 hour power outage ordeal, two days after the fact, since he didn’t want to become the story.

The days really seem to be flying by faster than ever. Is it just our perception or is this a phenomenon that should be investigated?

Tom’s dishwasher is broken, and he is forced to wash his beloved dishes by hand in a poignant moment that takes us back to a simpler time. And Scott spins off Tom’s speculative journalism with speculative criticism, by reviewing a play that doesn’t exist.

Scott is turned down for an apartment because he doesn’t earn 50 times the rent, but he’s 50 times a better person than the leasing agent. Which as Tom points out, is an example of emotional math. Plus, let’s go to the videotape and weddings.

Scott returns to Nathan’s Famous in Coney Island for the first time since March 15., and enjoys two hot dogs and “the best fries in the works.” Tommy loves Belgian Frites, but only with Belgian mayonnaise. Plus another foray into the field we pioneered, “speculative journalism.”

Scott starts reading The Great Influenza, which Tommy applauds, even though that means Scott isn’t reading the Johnny Carson book Tommy gave him.

The power of the human mind may sound like a best selling self help book, but it’s also a great chance to sound like Rod Serling when you say “mind”. Plus we salute the return of the ladies of The View.

Scott saves the life of a fly. Should he compete against the Dalai Lama in an “Enlightenment Off?” Plus, Tom suggests that he and Scott become Nobel Prize coaches to help potential nominees promote themselves.

Scott needs to produce his financial records in order to be approved for an apartment, instead of being welcomed with open arms by the leasing agent and the landlord. But in our scenario, that happy ending is the one Tom and Scott create.

It’s the start of the last unofficial weekend of the summer. Why can’t we keep summer going, which thanks to global warming, can extend into November? Plus our proposal for a 25 hour day.

Tom built a time machine that has it all. Except the mechanism to make it travel through time. And Scott advises time travelers to make a good first impression by praising the inhabitants of that time period.

We scorn those developments that are named after the property they destroyed. Like The Vitagraph apartments built on the site of the iconic Vitagraph Studios.

The ladies of The View have been on hiatus for a month, but Tom and Scott continue to do their show every single day! Plus Tom encourages Scott to reveal two anecdotes involving celebrities.

Tom races against time and a fading battery charge to complete his second self haircut And Scott decides he doesn’t want his pillow to be a foot away from the refrigerator as he searches for an apartment in Manhattan.

The New York Times will no longer publish television listings, and we recall the days of just network and local stations, and the exotic UHF channels. Plus Tom’s dishwasher is broken and he wonders how his little cylindrical pals are feeling about that.

Scott hasn’t had pizza since March, but he wishes he was at Tom’s 50’s style pizza party with his cat Oliver, Johnny Mathis on YouTube and Tom’s wife Cici on the picture phone from India.

Scott takes the subway to Manhattan for the first time since March 12. And wears pants for the third time in three months. And for those like Tom who prefer to stay at home, we express our appreciation for the wonders of windows.

In our ongoing attempt to lessen your fears, we add ghosts to the list of things you need not be afraid of. Unless they’re boring ghosts, but that’s just awkward and not scary.

Buckle your seat belts because this is going to be a funny ride. Tom and Scott discover parallels in their driving history in LA. And their anecdotes may terrify you as much as it did them.