Fun Box Monster Podcast

"But who will bring the ice cream?" The innocent words of a young Clint Howard, as he eats a pushup next to the body of yet another ice cream delivery professional struck down by vicious gangsters in a scene that is becoming all too familiar in suburban neighborhoods. In this brave film, we are given a rare opportunity to see the world through the Ice Cream Man's eyes. A world where not every day...

In the future, Venice will be a toxic hellscape of mutant monsters and zombie-like crazies with guns. But not to worry. Megaforce, the greatest fighting team ever assembled, is here to protect what I believe to be an abandoned power plant. Many mutants will be dispatched, many dummies will be thrown over railings, and many copyrights will be infringed. In fact, for more information about the plot...

If you ever saw the movie Alien and thought, "Why isn't this a low budget buddy cop movie?". Fred Olen Ray has you covered. In what looks to be a 15 minute short film stretched to feature length using scenes of lab guys saying things like, "Shut it down!," and "It appears to have gone dormant." We have our hero shooting kids for stealing halloween masks, stealing alien eggs from the scene of a mul...

Although the titular trap is mostly forgotten until the end, it does indeed trap witches. Or ghosts. Or the ghosts of warlocks if you're being specific. But not well. And technically it vacuums them up. So, although this may have the same director, same villain, and same premise as the Witchboard movies, I think of it as really more of a prequel to the Luigi's Mansion games. So grab your beeping g...

When failing stock broker Brian hits rock bottom after literally failing at every aspect of his life except being hot and having a hot wife he decides to take stock tips from his creepy occultist landlord's ouija board. After his stock purchases lead him to murder a loan shark and his goon, he tries to destroy the board,  it electrocutes him, and hijacks his body. Now it's a wacky race against tim...

After a Ouija board (or for copyright reasons, "Witchboard") falls out of the closet of her new loft apartment, accountant and aspiring artist Paige becomes obsessed with solving the murder of a woman who's spirit is stuck in her building because she might have been murdered there. That's cool and all, but I guess all you really need to know about this movie is that there's a scene in which a wrec...

When stereotypical frat douche Brandon whips out his ouija board at a fancy dress party, no surprise, it brings the festivities to a screeching halt faster than if he'd started playing that one Everlast song on an acoustic guitar. In addition to killing the party's vibe, he also summons a dead axe murdering psycho who used to live in the house, all while emasculating Tawny Kitaen's new boyfriend b...

When the residents of a small Oregon town Freddy Krueger the local doctor for harvesting hearts to repair his dead wife, lil baby Dr Giggles escapes the murder mob by hiding inside the corpse of his dead mother. He gets caught at age 7 and put into a mental institution where he gets his doctorate in giggology. Eventually he escapes and returns to his home town to punish random people who had nothi...

Traumatized by seeing his mother having sex with a low rent Andrew Dice Clay, Arthur goes bonkers and kills them both. Thanks to a combination high protein asylum food, and regular exercise, Arthur grows up to be a huge pro-wrestler sized spree killer. He kills a ton of people, but gets obsessed with the one that got away. She happens to be an actress shooting a sci-fi movie in the desert, which a...

Sorority Babes is an example of a movie. Join Matt, Tristan, and special guest Brandon Kawashima for a podcast which discusses it. 

     Have you ever seen Omega Man and wished it was full of Valley Girls? I may have a film for you.      On the night of the return of the comet that killed the dinosaurs, our hero Reggie is too busy playing Tempest and getting busy to go out and watch. This, combined with the steel shielding in the building saved her from a fate of becoming either a pile of dust, or one of what seems like maybe...

If you like Richard Kind making ADR poop jokes, I've got a movie for you. If you like your kids movies peppered with murder and nudity, I have a movie for you. If you like a movie that starts in the toilet and never really leaves, I've got a movie for you. So, put on your yanking crown, fill your squirt gun with goofy glue, and join Matt and Tristan as they shove their heads into the demonic toile...

In the final entry in our Mall Madness Month here at the Fun Box Monster Podcast, we take a trip to The Fairchild Building for a sorority prank gone wrong epic. Kelly is a troubled young lady pledging an upscale sorority. For Hell Week she and her fellow pledges are tasked with stealing the clothes off a security guard in her father's store, which is 20 stories tall, and approximately 50 square mi...

With a name like Chopping Mall I expect one thing. Savings. Rock bottom pricing on name brands. And we get it. Plus, some scenes of robots murdering sexy teens. But mostly savings. So break up your furniture store sex party, set fire to your gas cans, and steer clear of that paint store, because that thing's a death trap...and join Matt and Tristan for Chopping Mall. 

When hunky acrobat Eric's family refuses to sell their house to greedy land developers, they hire that guy from Hack O' Lantern to burn it to the ground with his family in it. His girlfriend survives and tries to go on with her life by taking a job on the grounds where her boyfriend burned to death. She starts noticing on-the-nose gifts appearing around her and starts to suspect that Eric isn't as...

When you're a sexed up teen graduating high school in mere days, there's only one place to go. THE FURNITURE STORE!!! Though our teens try as hard as they can to delay sex by setting up an elaborate game of hide and seek, eventually some does happen. Unfortunately for our teens, the forward thinking owner of Fine Furniture has taken the nontraditional step of letting an ex-con set up an apartment...

This lantern is hacked! (I'm trying out catch phrases. You know, for the kids) When the creepy Satanist grandpa known as "grandpa" brings his son/grandson (eew) Michael a pumpkin on Halloween, he also gives him a magic satan coin, redeemable at any coven for powers beyond imagining. He eventually grows up to be a sullen twenty-something living in his mom's basement, lifting weights, worshiping sat...

Now it can be told. Blood Salvage is the shocking true story of the auto salvage industry. Jake is a well meaning junkyard owner who just wants to help people by sharing their organs with needy people and make a small profit on the side. Cruel beauty pageant contestant April proceeds to murder his whole family and never even pay for the repairs that Jake did on her camper. So, sharpen up some knit...

This week, Matt is off doing Christmas stuff... So horror icon and Black Christmas super-fan Damian Maffei is filling in to talk about Black Christmas and Haunt in a loose, free-form version of the podcast. 

Ho, ho, holy crap. Back in a long ago era where America actually had manufacturing jobs, Harry is a worker at the Jolly Dreams toy factory. As a youth, Harry experienced a real life version of the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," and like the protagonist of the song, Harry's experience left him only a few steps from deranged. Those few steps happened as his co-workers took advantage of him,...

Here's the problem with Christmas. Everybody's so worried about Grinches and Bumbles and whatever, that they forget to look out for the more prosaic horrors, like cyborg children built by an alcoholic Mickey Rooney who build boobytrapped toys to kill kids and get adopted by their moms. Especially, when it turns out that your dad is accidentally killed, and he turns out to not be your real dad, and...

When I think Dead Heat, I think of two things. Buff Joe Piscopo and The Asphyxiation Room. Clearly we have zombie cops fighting zombie monsters. Sure. But more importantly, there's a room that does nothing but asphyxiate stuff. No child lock. No warning signs. No emergency exit. It asphyxiates you, and you can just stumble in there when you're looking for the bathroom. It's controlled by some sort...

Rich people are weird, right? Like, they're just gooier than the rest of us. Knowing just how gooey they are, it should be of no surprise to any of us when they start raising lower class people in their giant mansions, giving them everything they could ever want, then suck out their life force in a ritualistic orgy where they all just kinda blend into a giant ambrosia salad of skin and organs. If...

If you watched Stephen King's Dreamcatcher, and thought..."Gee...this movie's great and all, but I wish there was more butt-stuff." We have the movie for you.  Acid Sid is the ghost of a murdered frat pledge who has returned from the grave to kill off the new pledges at a fraternity who's name sounds like peen. After a bunch of ass paddling, and other ass games, we get down to some serious murder....

Angela's back and she's having a party. I mean...not actually a party. And she's not having the party. It's actually a dance at a Catholic school. And the people involved don't actually go to the party. They go to Hull house to play a mean spirited prank that goes nowhere and isn't even slightly funny. Then they leave. But things really get going once Angela takes her sister away from the Catholic...