Football Ramble

After our deep dive into footballers’ good/awful acting careers a few weeks back, there was only one place we could go next. Because if a footballer’s on camera, they’re normally advertising something - especially if they play for Man United. Jules, Jim, Pete and Vish discover that the quest for a crisp pound note isn’t just confined to ex-pros hoarding crypto on Twitter. We’ve seen it all, from G...

There were scraps galore in another regular weekend of the Barclays. Jules, Jim, Pete and Vish are here with the tale of the tape - let’s get ready to Ramble! Liverpool edged out Man City in an absolute firecracker, while Nottingham Forest lost an early relegation six-pointer after getting too horny on main. We also check in with Graham Potter’s glow-up, take an angle grinder to yet more goalposts...

Doesn't it just make you fizz when you see one of Gareth's gang having a lovely time? Doubts might have emerged about Mason Mount's fitness on Friday night after we recorded, but he has caught the eye under his new boss, Graham Potter. We also mourn another difficult week for England's defenders – but don't worry, at least Ben White is really attractive. And Jordan Pickford is the subject of the T...

We check in with some of football’s most important Steves: Steven Gerrard, Steve Cooper, and... Steve Bruce. Oh no, there’s more. Marcus, Jim and Andy discuss a titanic clash between Liverpool and Man City, discover our new favourite goalkeeper from the Cypriot top-flight, and there’s a penis update from Bolivia, of course.  Got a question? Tweet us @ FootballRamble and email us here:  s...

Andy was in Warsaw on Tuesday to witness Shakhtar Donetsk – a team playing thousands of miles from their home and made up of mainly Ukrainian players – draw with the European champions, Real Madrid. He tells Dotun and David Cartlidge about what it was like to be there and how the players are feeling as Russia’s invasion continues. Elsewhere, Club Brugge make it to the Champions League knockouts fo...

Some men graft their way to the top thanks to the fruits of their relentless labour, a graceful demeanour and a healthy slice of acknowledged luck. And other men are Alan Pardew - because when you're the king, you can do anything. Spellso, Mooresey, Jimbo and Dono settle in for a thorough assessment of the perennial FA Cup bridesmaid, as we try to separate the art from the artist. How does Pete fe...

After the release of his new book, today we're picking the brains of one of the most influential figures of the modern English game. David Dein was a director and major shareholder at Arsenal for 24 years and was a significant voice at the FA for many of them, too. In that time, he brought Arsène Wenger to England, helped assemble one of the greatest sides of all time, and forced through the comme...

Marcus, Luke, Vish and Jim are here after a quadruple extravaganza on Sunday, with Cristiano Ronaldo bringing up 700 and Arsenal’s youngers brushing aside a leggy Liverpool.  We wonder if Jürgen Klopp’s time is coming to a slow end on Merseyside, while Man United's one-trick pony strikes again. Elsewhere, Brentford got a Brucey Tummy Tickle™ up at St. James’ as Newcastle’s takeover anniversar...

If there was ever an XI you wouldn't want to play against, it's this one... On last week's Patreon bonus episode, we had Marcus, Jim and Vish chose their ultimate shithouse XI. From straight-up hardmen, to downright cheats you know these teams will be... pretty formidable! Enjoyed this teaser? You can hear the full episode by signing up to our Patreon. For just $5 a month, you'll get Discord acces...

There's good and bad news coming out of Manchester City on this week's Lions Watch. Marcus and Luke discuss what role Jack Grealish can play at the World Cup after excelling in the Champos! Plus, we wonder how Southgate can replace Kyle Walker if he misses Qatar with injury and decide whether Brother Brendy's take on James Maddison is extra hot or mango and lime. Got a question? Tweet us @Football...

Marcus, Luke, Vish and Jim settle in for another blockbuster Barclays weekend off the back of more midweek madness. We’ve realised that Pep Guardiola’s biggest fan is in fact Erik ten Hag - now that is Manchester, united. We also wonder if Brendan Rodgers’ envelopes can help them to a win over Bournemouth, check in with a miserly Everton defence and see if West Ham can lift their striker curse. Go...

Florentino Pérez put the European Super League front and centre of his address to Real Madrid’s General Assembly last weekend. Ahead of December’s crucial court ruling, is he quietly gathering more support? Miguel Delaney joins Dotun and Andy to discuss that, ask how far Luciano Spalletti’s young Neapolitan bucks can go in the Champions League, and assess how screwed Barcelona will be if they don’...

Trent Alexander-Arnold answered all the critics who have lambasted his defending in recent weeks by bagging a free-kick and watching Rangers huff n’ puff their way out of the Champions League. Justice! Elsewhere, Marcus, Luke and Lars Sivertsen check in with the various Champions League results, as Spurs stuttered to a draw and VAR unveiled its magnum opus over in Porto. We also wonder how much yo...

Becoming a famous professional in one demanding field is hard enough - but what if you’re just as talented doing a cockney impression as you were with a football? Well, you become an actor! Marcus, Luke, Jim and Pete are here with a rundown of some of the more infamous scene-stealing performances from our favourite footballing thespians. From art imitating Stan Collymore’s life, to Charlie Kane in...

When Roy Keane tried to end Alf Inge Haaland's career all those years ago, who'd have thought that Liam Gallagher would eventually have the last laugh. Marcus, Luke and Vish are on hand to pick apart Man City's victory over those squares Man United and Arsenal's cracking North London derby triumph. Elsewhere, Bruno Lage leaves the pack and we jump to Bolivia for a predictably on-brand update. Got...

Marcus and Luke are back with Lions Watch as we look ahead to the World Cup in just seven weeks' time!  Join us every Saturday as we recap the biggest England news, debate some Southgate Selections™ and tackle your questions. Today, we celebrate the impressive Nations League performances of Jude Bellingham, wonder how we can solve England's Harry Maguire dilemma and unveil our Take Therm...

Don’t worry, gang - the Premier League is back! Marcus, Vish, Jim and Andy tuck in to all the latest after waving goodbye to our beloved Nations League. There’s some North London derby jitters for Jim, while Vish seems much calmer about Man Utd’s prospects against Erling Haaland n’ company. We also celebrate the return of Keeping Up with the Icardis and Kevin Keegan’s latest awards show gig. We di...

Dotun, Andy and David Cartlidge are here with a state of play after the final international break before the World Cup. We wonder if Germany might prove entertaining rather than efficient come Qatar and whether the problems plaguing France have knocked them off their prime perch.  There’s also time for a Barcelona injury update and a question even devoted fans are starting to ask: do Portugal...

Brace yourselves, 'cos it's time for the big one. Marcus, Luke, Pete and Andy are on hand to talk you through the highs and lows of soccer's sauciest scraps. We definitely do like to see that. From opposing players swinging limbs at each other to managers squaring up, witnessing it is one of football's greatest joys. From Kieron Dyer vs Lee Bowyer to José Mourinho's impeccable honour and flying ka...

After their final game ahead of the World Cup, Marcus, Luke and Andy check on England’s progress after an entertaining - if chaotic - draw against Germany last night. The likes of Jude Bellingham and Reece James proved their immense worth, but Harry Maguire tripped over the dice Gareth Southgate rolled when deciding to play him again. The boys discuss that and also wonder about the immediate futur...

Oof, that was a poor weekend for England players and fans alike. However, there is at least some consolation in knowing that our weekend wasn't as bad as Tony Adams'. Elsewhere, Wales show some British solidarity with their own relegation - unlike Scotland and Ireland - and we celebrate the Faroe Islands going four games unbeaten at the expense of Andy Brassell's little slugs, Turkey. Tweet us @Fo...

Pete here from The Football Ramble. I've been working on a show I think you're going to very much enjoy, so I thought I'd stick an episode in here as a little treat for your Saturday afternoon! If you love the Ramble, I reckon you're going to very much enjoy this. Ian Fiveankles seeks to make his mark on modern sports radio in his very first radio show, in a cynical bid to win his ex-wife Denise b...

Marcus, Luke, Pete and Andy revel in more Nations League nonsense, as Kevin de Bruyne remains bored out of his mind and John McGinn’s memory foam mattress grabs a great win for Scotland. We also toast the departures of Charlie Adam and the FIFA game (Ted Lasso’s idiotic appearance not withstanding) and we wonder how Gareth Southgate can turn the barge around - starting with tonight's clash against...

More continental capers for Dotun, Andy and Lars Sivertsen as the international break gives us a chance for various domestic debriefs. The Serie A title race continues to intrigue, as Napoli try shake off the Sivertsen Curse - while the La Liga title race is marred by horrible racist abuse of Vinicius Jr. Elsewhere, we try to work out if Bayern are in an actual crisis and ponder the future of the...

It's back! Jim, Vish and Lars knee slide into today’s edition of our handy footballing handbook. Today, we focus on the icing on top of football’s sweetest, most joyous cakes: goal celebrations! We run through how best to approach such a noble art and outline some of the do’s and dont’s. We also recount some of the more infamous - from one of the greatest sporting moments of all time to Cristiano...