Flusterclux With Lynn Lyons: For Parents Who Worry

The term High Functioning Anxiety has been showing up, used to describe those that feel anxious but perform at a high level. Criteria are given, symptoms are listed. Is this a new category of anxiety and does this label offer us anything new?  BUY LYNN'S NEW BOOK, THE ANXIETY AUDIT Lynn's fourth book focus on adults and their anxiety. Buy your copy of The Anxiety Audit: Seven Sneaky Ways Anxiety T...

Anxiety, anger— and even aggression— can hang out together. Remember, it’s FIGHT or flight, and when we combine poor emotional management and a desire to avoid, behavior escalates. But even though we understand it, it’s not a pattern to accept. In this episode we talk about how to recognize and help stop anxiety that turns aggressive.  BUY LYNN'S NEW BOOK, THE ANXIETY AUDIT Lynn's fourth book focu...

The term “boundary” is everywhere these days. The importance of creating and setting them is being discussed all over, from therapy sessions to Tik Tok videos. But what is a healthy boundary? We’re heading into the holiday season with family visits, a perfect time for a bit of boundary talk.  BUY LYNN'S NEW BOOK, THE ANXIETY AUDIT Lynn's fourth book focus on adults and their anxiety. Buy your copy...

This episode tackles the question we hear most often from our new listeners: how do I support my anxious child? Lynn lays out the three keys for parents: information about how anxiety works, owning family patterns, and moving away from the belief that your child’s worries are unique and what must be addressed. There’s a lot parents can do to help; here’s a roadmap.  Referenced Resources For You: M...

In this episode, we talk about exercise and anxiety and our moods. One of us loves it, and one of totally gets the value but compares it to a “cat being put out in the rain.” Most of know the benefits (although there’s new research you’ll want to hear), so how do you promote the self care of you and your family with the barriers that commonly show up? How do you still make it happen?  BUY LYNN'S N...

We tackle the statements our friends and families use when they're staying stuck in their anxiety patterns. If you hear them or use them, listen up. We have responses ready to go. BUY LYNN'S NEW BOOK, THE ANXIETY AUDIT Lynn's fourth book focus on adults and their anxiety. Buy your copy of The Anxiety Audit: Seven Sneaky Ways Anxiety Takes Hold and How to Escape Them now. “Once in a while a book co...

Some parenting phrases are so common, they border on cliche. And a good portion of them push all of Lynn and Robin’s buttons. In this episode we go after six of the offenders, phrases that sound harmless but are not. Listeners, you need to stop using them, and we’ll tell you why.  BUY LYNN'S NEW BOOK, THE ANXIETY AUDIT Lynn's fourth book focus on adults and their anxiety. Buy your copy of The Anxi...

Most have heard of exposure therapy. If you’re scared of snakes, wrap one around your neck! Afraid of elevators? Get in! Research shows that it works, but there’s more to it than just pushing yourself—or your child—into the feared situation. In this episode Lynn talks all things exposure therapy. Can you do it yourself? How hard do you push your child? And why do many therapists avoid it as much a...

In this episode, a listener is surprised that her 8 year old is still having big meltdowns and asks if this is common in anxious. While we associate emotional meltdowns and tantrums with little children, they can happen at any age. Emotional regulation is a skill that we develop and work on throughout our lives. What can we do to interrupt our own reactive patterns, and how do we coach our kids in...

The decision when and if to begin therapy is often discussed, but the next steps (like when to stop) don’t get much attention. The mom of a 19 year old has found therapy very helpful for her daughter, but, she wonders, when does therapy end? In this episode we talk therapy: the different approaches, why skill-building matters, and how (and when) therapy ends.  BUY LYNN'S NEW BOOK, THE ANXIETY AUDI...

Being in control sounds great, but what’s the cost of needing to control every outcome? Children raised in chaos often seek control as adults. Those raised in highly controlling environments struggle to make decisions and handle uncertainty. Can we find balance? Is there a middle ground? Calling all control freaks, this week on Flustercliux.  BUY LYNN'S NEW BOOK, THE ANXIETY AUDIT Lynn's fourth bo...

Helping an anxious student requires a strong collaboration between families and schools, but so often meetings to create a plan become adversarial. In this episode, Lynn (who routinely attends such meetings) offers her key tips for how parents and schools can work together to support a child and teach the needed skills, minus the conflict and blaming. We also answer a question from a shy mom enter...

In this episode, Lynn breaks down one of her favorite instructions to parents: talk 85% less. When parents are worried they tend to talk a lot. When they want something done and their child isn't doing it, they talk even more. Learn how asking the right questions and staying quiet can be one of the most helpful thing you can do for an anxious child or teen. We also answer a listener question about...

Most parents feel conflicted, confused, and cranky about homework. How much should parents be involved? Does it actually help with learning? And does age matter? In the first episode of season 5, we tackle the topic of homework Flusterclux-style, because while the episode dives deep into homework, it’s also a reminder about the bigger skills, connections and patterns we need to teach our kids.  ON...

In this optimistic conversation we discuss the family’s psychological immune system and the role of both positive and adverse childhood experiences. While many adverse childhood experiences happen to our kids, parents can have much more control over creating many of the seven positive childhood experiences that support mental health. JOIN US IN ORLANDO FOR OUR FIRST FAMILY RETREAT This is our firs...

Mistakes and Failures can be some of life’s best teachers. When it comes to letting our kids fail, how do we know the difference between letting them fail and letting them drown? What do you do if your teenager hasn’t mastered the skill of asking for help? Or, what do you say when your teen doesn’t even care? JOIN US IN ORLANDO FOR OUR FIRST FAMILY RETREAT This is our first retreat where you can b...

In the last of the 7-episode Anxiety Disruptor series, it’s time to put it all together and focus on the consistent, step-by-step approach to decreasing anxiety’s influence. Consider this a pep talk, as Lynn describes the importance of how to put a plan in place (and even write it down!), combining patience with inevitable missteps, and embracing the ongoing process. Now that all seven episodes ar...

Anxiety makes us forget, and it’s particularly amnesiac to past successes. Helping kids work through fears and worries also includes showing them how to connect to their successes, feel masterful, and make worry less powerful when it arrives. In this episode, Lynn tells you how to build those all important reminder bridges to the past successes that anxiety wants them to forget. JOIN US IN ORLANDO...

How do we actually inspire children and teens to step in and retrain that anxious brain when worry is saying NO! The fifth of our 7 anxiety disruptors helps parents and kids get “some skin in the game.” The tactics are a bit different for young children versus teens, and rewards (OK, maybe we admit they are bribes!) have a place. Lynn talks about how to use rewards correctly and the conversations...

Emetophobia, Astraphobia, Autophobia. Some kids became afraid of a variety of things: throwing up, needles, dogs, thunderstorms, the dark. As parents we want to help, we want to make our kids feels safe and comfortable. We want to address the worry. But how we do that often just makes the worry and fear stronger. In this episode I ask Lynn to explain her effective approach of addressing the proces...

Summer can be a wonderful time for playfulness and connection, but parents often feel pressure to make every minute count, every vacation fabulous. It’s a time of high expectations for parents, which means mom guilt finds fertile ground. Guilt has a purpose, but listen to what anxiety expert Lynn Lyons says about ineffective and overused guilt, how to lessen its power, and name the true emotions t...

Is breathing used to eliminate worry? Nope, it is not. In this next episode of our 7-part Anxiety Disruptor series for families, Lynn explains how stepping into uncertainty is necessary but not always easy for kids, especially when big physical symptoms show up like tummy aches, headaches, or a racing heart. Simple breathing exercises help your child's brain and body reset, taking the body out of...

Got rage? When we first recorded this episode, we were in the midst of grieving for our pre-pandemic world, mixing our sadness with our anger. Sadly, reasons to feel rage continue. In this episode, Lynn talks about the anger we feel and how we bring it home to our family and children. How do you help your children through their outbursts? How do you raise kids who don’t have outbursts as an adult?...

Anxiety wants certainty, and when that’s not possible, avoidance becomes the demand. Unfortunately, as anxious families fall into patterns of avoidance, anxiety strengthens. Families need a different strategy, a way to break patterns and retrain the worried brain. In this episode, Lynn explains how to build on the first two puzzle pieces of expecting and talking to worry (our first two episodes in...

Externalizing worry (and other strong emotions) teaches children and parents to take a step back and notice HOW worry and other big feelings operate. Changing the response to worry (instead of changing the environment to meet anxiety’s demands) is a powerful skill. Consistency and practice are key, and Lynn talks about how to explain and use externalizing in your family to promote emotional intell...