Feeding The Mouth That Bites You: Parenting Teens Into Adulthood

Today we finish our series on limit-setting with teens by covering common, miscellaneous issues. These are the things that often come up like, what to do about lying, is there a maximum effective time limit to grounding, or how to best limit disrespect. What about those teenagers that continually harass parents until they give in? As usual Jessica and Dr. Ken focus on being effective in limiting i...

It's not uncommon for parents to have differences in what they prioritize and the ways they implement limits with their teenagers. It is essential however, that parents do all they can to overcome these differences and present a unified message to their teens. This is important not just for your marriage but for your effectiveness with your adolescents. When you as a parent have different limi...

Today we continue with our series on effective limit-setting with adolescents. Some parents think when they lose their temper with teenagers they "hate to do it" but it "needed to happen." Jessica and Dr. Ken talk about how yelling only confirms a teenager's suspicion in the first place... that you're a bully not really a parent. Instead we talk about ways to avoid losing y...

Today we continue with issues related to limit-setting with teenagers. As tempting as it is, making speeches is very ineffective in influencing adolescent behavior. Teenagers need to experience the consequences of their choices, either natural or through parent consequences. Jessica and Dr. Ken talk about both of their own struggles to avoid this trap and the situations that tempt parents to ponti...

Today is the first in a series on limit-setting with adolescents. Probably the most important change a parent can make in being more effective in setting limits with teenagers is to shift your job description from a "cop" to a judge. Understanding what you as a parent can and cannot control makes a huge difference in how and when you set limits for your teen. When your teen is being most d...

This week we continue our review and clarifying the process known as "Planned Emancipation." Last week we talked about the "Freedoms List" and this week we take on a completely different list; the "Expectations and Consequences List." We review the purpose of having this list (i.e. to reduce conflict at home, the strengthen your effectiveness) as well as the critical factor...

Many of the questions that listeners send us ask for more details on the "Freedoms List" and the "Expectations and Consequences" list. How are they different? Can't we just put both of these on one, big list? Today we take on part one of these questions and clarify what the freedoms list is for and why it's different from the expectations and consequences list (which we&#39...

Does your teenager have a job? Should you make them get one? When? How? Today we talk about the challenges and importance of adolescent job experiences. How should parents balance adolescent work over the summer with important family vacation time? Should a college kid "follow their heart" or get a marketable degree? Today we discuss all things job related including Jessica and Dr. Ken&#39...

Today we take on the issue of teenagers' relationship with death. Do they think much about it? Why are some teens so focused on death in movies, games etc.? What's the deal with zombies? Jessica and Dr. Ken advise best ways to talk about the subject of death and the need to talk about and not run away from such an important subject, especially Christian parents. In this episode we referenc...

Today we talk about the sensitivity teenagers feel about their bodies and how to help them deal with struggles that arise around their physical development. Turns out, teenagers have control over how easily shamed they feel when facing criticism. We talk about ways to increase your teen's resilience to shame. When should parents step in to talk to school or other authorities to support their t...

With recent political events, parents sometimes wonder how best to talk with adolescents about these issues. Jessica and Dr. Ken review the most effective ways to encourage teenagers to think and talk about political hot button issues. We also explore the odd situation of kids who are more conservative than their own parents. Guess who's kids we're talking about! You can order Dr. Ken'...

Today we answer a listener question about dealing with a teenager who doesn't follow parents' rules and seem unfazed by any consequences parents give. Is this common? What about parents who "give up" on their teenager but let them live at home? Dr. Ken makes it clear that this is not a common problem and should be evaluated. Also, we talk about common reasons these situations occur...

Now that we've reached the spring of 2025, it's time to review the best ways to finish out with a high school senior. Even the most dedicated "Feeding The Mouth..." parent can struggle with these last months of their kid's adolescent life. Today we talk about how a parent can be most effective in helping a high school senior with preparation for college, trade school or whateve...

Today we discuss one of the most unusual chapters in any parenting book. In the new edition of "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" Dr. Ken includes a chapter titled "The Fire and the Knife - Lessons From Father Abraham." This is really a challenge for parents who are Christians or are practicing Jews at least. For parents who are serious about their faith, there can come points in t...

Adolescents are more focused on their inner lives than ever before. But is this always a good thing? Jessica and Dr. Ken discuss yet another new chapter in the second edition of "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You." It's not enough to encourage teens to know their own feelings. This focus needs to be balanced with genuine concern for others. When your teenager tells you she's depress...

When parents are busy raising children, a good marriage can seem like a luxury that they just don't have time for. Jessica and Dr. Ken argue that a good marriage is an essential part of raising healthy teens. As "Feeding The Mouth" parents know, adolescents need to be shown a path to their own emotional support and well-being. Marriage is not only essential for parents' emotional s...

With the second edition of the "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" book, today we discuss the tricky balance of homeschooling adolescents. Homeschool families have changed significantly over the past few years and is a more popular choice than ever. Dr. Ken reminds parents of the important issue of "who's in control here?" in dealing with arguing teens. What circumstances are go...

Grandparents are often playing a larger part in the lives of their grandchildren than in the past. Most grandparents are popular with their grandkids when they're young, but what about during the teenage years? Today we discuss how understanding "Feeding The Mouth" principles can improve a grandparent's relationship with teenage grandchildren. Not surprisingly, Dr. Ken recommends b...

There are many circumstances when adult children need to live at home. Some parents think Planned Emancipation means that's a bad thing. It isn't. Today we discuss the advantages and pitfalls of adult kids at home. What should parents pay for? What do you do when your adult kid doesn't help out around the house? Is it a good thing when parents and their adult kids become each other&#39...

Today Jessica and Dr. Ken take on the issues related to teenagers who are adopted or are in foster care. Adolescence often brings up issues of identity and origin stories that can be upsetting to parents who have poured themselves into the lives of their teenagers. Dr. Ken suggests that adoptive and foster parents focus more on Planned Emancipation goals even when there's a strong impulse to s...

What does great communication with teens really look like and how can parents achieve that? Dr. Ken and Jessica outline the aspects of the parent-teen relationship that usually cause trouble in communication (spoiler alert: control battles). Also we discuss the more nuanced issue of what great communication with adolescents should really look like. Should parents really have the goal of being so c...

Parents some times complain that they "tried" planned emancipation and it "didn't work." Today we talk about the common reasons for planned emancipation not seeming to have the impact parents expected. This is all covered in the new edition of "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You." You can preorder Dr. Ken's book "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" here: https:/...

As we prepare for the release of the second edition of "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You," Jessica and Dr. Ken talk about the power of planned emancipation. This method is often mistaken for the practice of rewarding children's good behavior with more privileges. Planned emancipation, by contrast, recognizes the greater freedom that comes with just getting older. Parents who fearfully...

In the second edition of "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You," Dr. Ken explains why he added an entire chapter on the issue of burdened parents. We discuss the difficulty of providing information for parents while avoiding the appearance of having an "inside scoop" to guarantee happy, successful teenagers. You can preorder Dr. Ken's book "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You"...

We're getting ready for the release of "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" second edition. This gives Jessica and Dr. Ken the chance to clarify the most important themes that are unique to this approach to parenting adolescents. Today we review individuation which is the most important need that adolescents have by far. This need is so important that Dr. Ken even worries that if your te...