ENEMIES: From War to Wisdom

(Part 1) Why are even simple topics often difficult to discuss, especially if people have different viewpoints? Underlying many confusions and animosities in human interactions in couples and groups is a form of unconscious emotional communication that implies and evokes strong reactions in ways that usually fall outside our awareness. We suddenly feel triggered, trapped, or kidnapped into an emot...

When people are preparing to go through a wedding – whether it’s their first or not – they often dream they are dying or are about to attend a funeral instead of a wedding. Why does monogamous commitment to another person, who is an equal, tend to bring up deep anxiety and even hostility towards that person? In this episode, we are going to explore the Buddha’s teachings of impermanence and limita...

There are now many studies that demonstrate how successful white women will undermine other high-status women instead of sharing resources, praise or support. If you are a working white woman, especially if you are in a position of leadership or management in a stressful setting, you have probably noticed that your fans are not other White women around who are also trying to be successful. Traditi...

You have heard the saying “No good deed goes unpunished” and you know there is a wisdom in it. But what is that wisdom? In today’s podcast, we are going to talk about a human condition that occurs in families and with friends: There is an unequal need or dependency between supposed equals (e.g. a grown-up child who needs to live with parents) and the dependent party becomes very resentful and ungr...

In this podcast, Polly Young-Eisendrath, Ph. D., Sarah Brodie, M.A. and Eleanor Johnson explore the meaning of “free will” and some of the arguments for and against it. They talk about free will in the context of the timeless “laws” or guidelines for how to develop our intentions wisely: The Ten Commandments, the five basic moral principles of Buddhism, and the Golden Rule. They will emphasize the...

Preparing to bring the podcast live, on-stage, we interview Sarah Brodie, a Dialogue Therapist from Toronto, who will co-host Real Dialogue for Opposing Sides with Polly. These are structured conversations between those with opposing views or those who have been hurt by each other. These events will bring together thoughtful experts who disagree about such diverse topics as climate change, the nat...

Most of us find it confusing to see/hear/feel “the self.” We somehow believe it’s inside our bodies or is the same thing as our bodies. But the self is no thing. It does not exist as a thing anywhere, but instead is an interactional process that we begin to practice when we are about 18 months old and have the experience that we are “inside” this body and the world is “outside.” That sets up the e...

As the history of Homo Sapiens suggests, we are more likely to be at war against others in our species, than to be able to live peacefully with them. And yet, some of this agitation about facing others who have opposed or harmed us might be able to be contained and understood. In the 5th century BCE text “The Art of War,” attributed to Sun Tzu, there are rules of conflict that insist on little pun...

In North American society, we make war on our enemies, opposing ideals, cancer, drugs, bullying, and false news. What do we mean and what does this attitude imply? In this podcast, we will talk about the implications and consequences of imbuing our deepest ideals and beliefs with meanings of hostility, conflict, strife, and competition between opposing forces. In place of “both/and” thinking in re...

In this podcast we will return again to the way we speak to ourselves and others. Once again, we will tune into the problem of speaking the truth to ourselves and to others. We will discern speaking the truth from judging what is right and is wrong with ourselves and others. In order to speak the truth kindly, we have #1 understand what “truth” means in the nature of the reality of being Homo Sapi...

The Buddha repeatedly taught that we should regard ourselves and others by the consequences of our actions (including our speech) and not by our appearances. And yet, most of us evaluate and compare ourselves by our appearances all of the time. Why is that? In this podcast, we will talk about the association of power and appearance, and especially how the nature of being human, of being homo sapie...

In our podcasts, we have defined “self” as an “interactional process” with others. Self becomes a habitual set of dynamics with others, connected to narratives about identity, body, family and tribe. The ways we talk to ourselves and to others about ourselves are often imbued with negativity and aversion. In this podcast, we will talk about how we can develop an attitude of love, acceptance and wi...

What is the nature of hatred and how is it related to love? What about non-hatred, is it the same as love? Love and hate abide together in the ambivalence of close relationships. Why do we hold them as opposites? Why does hate become a recurring problem in our relationships, from the family to the larger society? In this podcast, we will explore the nature of hate as an attitude or intention – not...

We all recognize Real Dialogue when we encounter it: people speak only for themselves and listen, really listen, to others. In times of conflict, opposition and emotional warfare, Real Dialogue seems impossible — but it is the only way to avoid schisms, active and passive aggression, and alienation. In this podcast we talk about the skills and insights of Real Dialogue and why it’s different from...

Most of the time, we are walking around talking to ourselves in a manner that strongly affects how we feel about ourselves and others. Most of the time, we are not conscious of what we are saying, why we are saying it, and what the consequences are when we are speaking to ourselves. Our self-talk naturally flows into the ways we speak to others and so, on this podcast, we will open up some insight...

How are passive and active essentially biological and hard-wired through our mammalian brains? What does the limbic system have to do with our sense of outrage and disgust and what do these have to do with morality? Why is anger an essentially human emotion and how is it useful in conflict with respect/ This podcast will set the groundwork for a human dialogue about dangerous conflict without anim...

If we embrace an uncompromising rejection of racism, sexism or other means of demeaning or dismissing other humans as inferior, how can we proceed in relating to others with whom we have conflict of needs, status, or ideals? How can we conduct ourselves if we constrain or restrain our destructive feelings and emotions? How can we make our anger and needs known in a way that does not compromise our...

Polly Young-Eisendrath, Ph. D. and Eleanor Johnson continue the discussion on human relating Why is love not an emotion or feeling? Why is hate not at all like love and yet often contained within our love for others or another? What can we learn about our enemies by understanding love and hate?

Polly Young-Eisendrath, Ph. D. and Eleanor Johnson. What are these two great categories of human relating? What are they about and are they biological? Why is love not an emotion or feeling? Why is hate not at all like love and yet often contained within our love for others or another? What can we learn about our enemies by understanding love and hate?

What allows us to feel comfortable in ourselves with others? What does it mean to feel like we "belong"? Can we do this without creating an "other" and without setting up an enemy, even though we may feel envious, jealous, ashamed, or self-conscious about our situation or status? Can we move through our outrage or rage without creating more humiliation and outrage?

In Part 2, Polly Young-Eisendrath, Ph. D. and Eleanor Johnson talk especially about the two great categories of human emotions — primary emotions (that we are born with) and secondary emotions that develop to allow us to compare and protect ourselves in human groups, especially our families and close others. Deep dive into envy, jealousy, gratitude, guilt and shame and the insights they bring. Nob...

Human emotions are complex and widely called “feelings” when much of what we call our “feelings” are actually our opinions, our preferences, our ideals, and the stories that we repeatedly tell ourselves about what’s going within the interactive process we call “self.” In this two part episode we will talk about what emotions are and how the dangerous cycle of humiliation and rage can get going bet...

What is the meaning of conflict? Why do the exact same conflicts often recur repeatedly and not lead to any solutions? In this episode, we will deconstruct the roots of conflict and see why conflicts are so repetitive, and why and how unity has to enter into the encounter or relationship in order for problems to resolve.

Polly Young-Eisendrath, Ph. D. and Eleanor Johnson explore their reasons for starting a podcast: the major reason is to be able to hold hope a forum and a space in which we can explore from each our own perspectives the roots of war and peace. Polly starts with the family and the unconscious tendency to “other” someone — to find someone to blame when things go wrong. Eleanor starts with the big is...

Join Polly Young-Eisendrath, Ph. D. and Eleanor Johnson in their new podcast about ENEMIES. EPISODE 1: Why do we need enemies? From intimate relationships to politics, tribalism, and community, we cannot seem to stop dehumanizing each other. Are chronic conflicts in our families, societies, and nations inevitable? In this podcast, we analyze human hostilities from the most mundane to the most soph...