Emotional Physics

In this episode we answer a listener question from someone who finds themselves avoiding their romantic longings out of fear that love might, once again, wreck the many awesome things going on in their independent life. We talk about the neurobiology of how and why a big romantic spark can make humans feel both so disoriented and so vulnerable.  Gillian brings out the super shrinky psychoanalytic...

In this episode Gillian and Tink answer a listener question about discussing within a partnership things about each others' family patterns that we don't want to repeat in our present-day dynamic.  Risky business, folks!  We considered: Why the childhood survival brain makes people so reactive to criticism of their parents  How to "go first" acknowledging the challenges of your...

Today Tink and Gillian answer a listener question about how to determine when a relationship needs to end?  How do we figure this out for ourselves?  And when would we how would we ever reflect to close friends if we have a sense that their relationship might need to end?  As always we start with some tangential tales, this time including parrots and dolphins, but we swing right around to foundati...

In today's episode Gillian and Rebekah respond to a listener question on navigating casual sex, situationships, and considering deeper commitment outside the standard box of the heteronormative expectation and timeline.  We discuss pontoon boats, the plural of moose, and the attachment styles of ghosts.  Even still, we arrive at some ideas for how you can deeply inquire of yourself what you t...

Rebekah and Gillian explore a listener question on the relationship between lust and love, and the common predicament of dwindling lust in a long term relationship.  Discoveries include:  Some evolutionary psych intel on the different instinctual drives of hunting versus nesting and how these might relate to different kinks as well as ebbs and flows in lust A relationship anarchy lens on combing o...

Rebekah and Gillian come back to finish the conversation on cheating, with the important element of how they have seen couples successfully repair after infidelity.  Personal responsibility and accountability, as well as distress tolerance seem to be the superpowers used by partners we have seen be successful in learning from, healing from, and growing together after betrayal.  We talk about needi...

Rebekah and Gillian respond to a listener question about cheating by taking a look at: What kinds of “cheating” (really, betrayal) exist in relationships from the sexual to even the financial or informational!  We consider how relationship agreements can help to clarify what cheating really means for each partnership, and how can we normalize talking about these agreements early and often before p...

In today’s episode Rebekah and Gillian respond to a listener question about the dismay of finding that non-monogamous relationship structures can sometimes end up feeling just as confining and trapping as monogamous structures!  So disappointing! What’s a seeker of liberated love to do? Rebekah and Tink share some ideas, identifying how a sense of feeling trapped in relationship is likely less abo...

Gillian gets into a vortex of shrinky theory (she does this a lot) and brings in Kohut's theory of Self Psychology, which defines some primary things that children need to get from their caregivers to develop well.  Today we focus on the first of these which is "mirroring," or a caregiver's ability to reflect back to a child that they are loved and special because GUESS WHAT, h...

In this episode, Gillian and Tink answer a listener's question about individuality in relationship, and how to maintain independence and connection to self while in a committed, monogamous relationship.  They dive deep into the theme of family systems and "individuation" or: how it worked or didn't work to be our own people in the company of the adults who raised us and how aut...

Patterns of codependency and manipulation can really sneak into romantic relationships despite the best intentions of all involved.  An "I Believe You" Party is one of our favorite tools to keep thinking clearly, to honor ourselves, to stay in our own business, let go of the pressure to convince the other person of anything including our own worth, and to treat partners with compassion e...

In this episode Rebekah Tinker and Gillian Boudreau introduce themselves, and this: The question-based podcast exploring all things romance, love and lust particularly within non-traditional containers and setups.  Rebekah and Gillian share some of their own personal journeys both as couples therapists and as at times whilrlwindy humans navigating relationships.  They also share some central theme...