Don't call it a book club.

It’s the holiday season, so as is tradition it’s time for us to fix one of the holidays (14:05 to skip). Dan embraces the Radch jewelry game can for sure pull off a big belt buckle. We’ve got the perfect counter to the magic gun used in this book. And finally, does anyone know how this emperor thing works? The Rook by Daniel O’Malley starting next week! Special thanks to VO...

Dan starts this episode off with a little story time (11:00 to skip). Dan proposes a theory that everything is tea and Luke wants One Esk to be maybe a touch more empathetic. Also, what kind of ID checks are we using for the emperor? Patrons, check your messages and send us your address! We have stickers to mail out! Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music (and the stickers design!)....

Today’s warmup is an advice column and Dan needs help with his dance strategy (14:05 to skip). We’re putting together a plan to befriend AIs, but only the cool, hip ones. Folks, make sure your children’s songs rhyme or it doesn’t count! Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music. The post Ancillary Justice: Part One first appeared on Don't call it a book club. .

The long anticipated no-till agriculture warmup is finally here (11:20 to skip). Are these bot makers artisans or exploited factory workers? Luke and Dan stumble into the extinction of trivia and do some gratis white hat SecUnit penetration testing. Okay that sounded bad, the boys do NOT want to talk about the sex bots. The comedian Luke would get on his SecUnit: Gilbert Gottfried. The post All Sy...

Get warmed up by learning a fun fact about the Heimlich maneuver, although double-check those dates before you play trivia (10:30 to skip). Don’t worry. We know and understand precisely what happened in this book and can explain it to you perfectly. Today we can announce that we worked with VOLO to design a new pod image that we’re putting on our stickers. Big thanks to VOLO for this a...

Luke is starting a grassroots movement dedicated to improving restaurant nachos (9:32 to skip). Leave it to your astute hosts to clear up any confusion or questions about Nona the Ninth. How long are y’all waiting before you get to the wacky stuff? Luke and Dan will be holding try outs for their body buddies. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music. The post Nona the Ninth: Part...

You have a mission this week: get destroyed over-the-board by a child (10:10 to skip). Your hosts are legally obligated to summarize what happened in this book because they are honestly still coming to grips with it. Luke reignites the highly contentious "what is a planet" debate. Dan needs to know about some new innovations in the necromancer prank game. Nona the Ninth is Next. Special...

Stick around for the extra long warmup today and tell us your rules and regulations for socializing (18:35 to skip). Literally what is going on in this book folks, help us make some sense of it. Make sure to come up with your teeth art, and don’t sleep on the middle school S. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music. The post Harrow the Ninth: Part One first appeared on Don't cal...

Dan has a very shady fun fact about body parts to get us warmed up (7:00 to skip). Ya boys come up with their ideal secret-telling liquid and pick a Pa-bone-us. Shouts out to Tamsyn for picking the least gross part of necromancy to focus on, we thank you. We’re continuing with the Locked Tomb series, start Harrow the Ninth for next week! Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music....

Dan and Luke start this episode talking about how Spiderman should be way more concerned with wage theft (8:45 to skip). In this episode we tell you when you should fight a bone lord. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music. The post Gideon the Ninth: Part One first appeared on Don't call it a book club. .

It’s the end of the Summer of Swords and we’ve got to commemorate it… Should we get a sword? Also time for initial thoughts on the new LOTR show (12:30 to skip warmup). Dan brings back everyone’s favorite Tyrion theory, and we love Jamie and The Hound now. Your favorite podcasters reveal they have very different tastes in banner art. Next week we’re starting Gideon th...

Luke and Dan come out hot with a borderline problematic ageist rant. Dan wants to if it is possible for the bar of most evil to go any lower and Luke wants to know when the Westeros iPhone coming out. Tyrion come on, you know what you were doing. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music. The post A Storm of Swords: Part Three first appeared on Don't call it a book club. .

Dan betrays our childhood with a very hot take on Star Wars (7:50 to skip). Deep dive into weddings in this one; we’re talking payment plans, logistics, and Tyrion’s feelings. Our solution may not be perfect but we gotta figure out how to deal with captives. Also, make sure to get all your agreements in writing! Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music. The post A Storm of...

Dan holds firm in his refusal to watch any Game of Thrones content. Meanwhile Luke can’t help but get hyped (9:41 to skip). This episode starts with a repeat of a classic, but quickly turns into an in depth discussion of Westeros prison reform. Dan announces his favorite character, and Luke wants someone to recognize Tyrion for once in his life. Lastly, a massive propaganda campaign is final...

You know we are getting Eragon TV series warmed up (12:13 to skip). Simon’s evil twin is revealed! Dr. Dan introduces a theory that is basically a cognitohazard at 42:10 so if you don’t want any spoilers for the rest of the series, skip to 44:10. Finally, Luke and Dan spill the beans about their comfortable levels of physical intimacy with friends. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro...

Dan gets us started with a very hot take on everyone’s favorite unforgivable curse (10:00 to skip). Simon proves that he’s down for anything. We need some tips on training our wolves, and is it possible to have too much Jade? Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music. The post The Dragonbone Chair: Part Two first appeared on Don't call it a book club. .

Dan has officially committed to the bit (11:28 to skip). This episode is all about 2 things: dragging Simon and venerating a dude for eating small birds. Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music. The post The Dragonbone Chair: Part One first appeared on Don't call it a book club. .

Luke gets us warmed up with reports from Olive Garden (9:15 to skip). Several new segments are introduced in this episode, you know we’ve got to have Hype Time and get excited for our inaugural "consider this" segment. Once again we have to consider if we’re on Team Vroshir or Team Abidan (or maybe Team Ozriel??). Finally, are we getting out of control with the scale in Cradl...

I know this is the Summer of Swords, but the boys have a few questions about this particular sword. Plenty of characters earned a critical eye this episode. Also, Luke and Dan dive deep into the political structures of Redwall, and the Machiavellian tactics of the abbot. Dan is looking forward to returning to the children’s section of the library to learn more about Brian Jacques’ poli...

It’s a big throwback day as we get reacquainted with our local library and everyone’s favorite childhood series. Lots of mouse talk in this one, any mouse biology experts let us know what we missed by emailing us at info@thisisntactuallymyemail.com. Plus you know we’ve gotta talk Redwall food which did not disappoint. Also, what exactly is cordial? No episode next week, but don&#...

Luke and Dan hit us with a very topical rant about TV these days (11:58 to skip). Of course Dan has to start with a summary of this chapter, how would anyone know what story we are reading without one? Also what is this, a continent for ants? Once again, Dan and Luke investigate the cuisine only this time they look north. Finally, Luke and Dan have some notes for the Warlock King. Special thanks t...

Dan gets us warmed up with a riveting furniture story (7:35 to skip). Shea proves that he has very poor deduction skills, the journey through the cave has some storytelling flaws, and Menion continues to be the clear MVP. P.S. Here is the couch Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music. The post The Sword of Shannara: Part Two first appeared on Don't call it a book club. .

Luke got heated at a chemical conference so if you work for ExxonMobile, you have some explaining to do! (7:35 to skip). Dan starts us off with a summary that sounds somewhat familiar, and Luke needs some ice breakers. There is a gold nugget of a story nestled in this episode, so make the royalty checks out to Luke and Dan. Which of these characters would make the best wingman? Finally, what is re...

We’ve got some well earned awards to give out, find out who is the worst person and who had the worst time in this book (Tip: the answers are obvious). Beware Father fans, we’re ranting about your boi a whole lot this episode. Also seek help. Get ready for the Summer of Swords and start reading Sword of Shannara by Terry Brooks for next week! Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and ou...

ALERT! GROCERY. STORE. WARM. UP. (7:22 skip). What is going on with the President of Mount Char? Father needs to trim the fat a bit and Dan is excited for Carolyn to hit ’em with a SLICE. Pop quiz: The Sun goes out. How much do you tip your waitress at dinner that evening? Special thanks to VOLO for the intro and outro music. The post The Library at Mount Char: Part Two first appeared on Don...