Divorce Your Story Podcast

What happens when one person wants to exit out of the relationship and the other one doesn't? Even though the logical solution is to respect the other person's decision, it's not always the easiest conclusion to come to when you're the person who wants to work it out. When you're in this cycle of wanting to make the relationship work while the other one doesn't,  you're only keeping yourself...

It's 2021 & the New Year tends to bring new changes even in the area of relationships & marriages.  They're couples who decide to not carry on the relationship/marriage into the New Year.  So what does this mean? It means that an interruption has taken place in your life no matter who decides to make the decision to leave.  It means that it may hurt to see that this relation...

Sometimes when you're only focused on the external attributes of a person, you overlook the intangible assets that are vital to go through life successfully. This doesn't imply that attraction and/or the ability to financially take care of themselves aren't important, however, it's important to also take inventory of the internal foundation this person is standing on as well. Many skip the fact, t...

When couples split, the parenting dynamic shifts. Those dynamics can be: Coparenting Parallel Parent OR one parent can have the majority of the custody and responsibility Sayings such as "I'm going to just solely focus on my kids" can easily bring a neglect of yourself Beliefs of constant doubt, fear, and tons of excuses can also leave you in a place of stagnation. Contrary to what many think....Y...

This year for some may not be considered "The most wonderful time of the year" especially when your relationship has ended. The detachments from someone is simply more than just you and your former partner. It's the extended families, the traditions you've shared, splitting custody between the parents, or even seeing your ex already in another relationship. It can be a lot to take in and trust me...

Here's the bottom line: There are just certain "types" of relationships that you need to avoid entertaining. When you're entertaining someone, it impacts the quality of your life as well as your direction. When you're giving someone access to you, you're giving them time, energy, and other resources and those are things that you should never be casual about. The majority of the stories I hear are...

Seeing your ex move on quickly after your relationship can leave questions. You may wonder: How could they move on so soon? Did they value the relationship? Were they already dealing with this person? It may seem like them moving on so soon is an indicator that they didn't care when in fact that is merely the case. On this week's podcast, join me as I discuss 3 reasons on why your ex moved on so q...

To go back to something that you've walked away from needs to be carefully considered.. You're often told to "work things out" but why? What would that look like? And what would you really be returning to? Deciding to return back to an old relationship cannot be for surfaced reasons, because everyone around you thinks you should or because you're lonely. On this week's podcast, join me as I discus...

Being your own hero involves showing up for yourself by being committed to what you say you want for your life! It's easy to look at someone to save you and the truth is, that isn't anyone else's responsibility but your own. This year has been a challenge for us all and feelings of defeat, feeling powerless and losing hope can arise. I was so inspired by actor Chadwick Boseman and his ability to b...

Simply put...there are just certain things that you must stop doing when you want to move on with your life from a relationship... Anyone can physically exit out of a relationship but if you're still attached mentally and emotionally you remain just as stagnant. Moving forward after a relationship does need to be intentional no matter how difficult and challenging it may seem Join me this week as...

I get asked this a lot "Tonya, why didn't they see my value?", "What's wrong with me?" That question will keep you in an endless loop to find an answer, question yourself, and believe that they're inability to see your worth makes you unworthy.... Before you know it, you're connecting the way you view yourself based on the success of the relationship.. We can come up a million reasons as to why so...

Your ex isn't your competition. What does this mean? It means that whatever they choose to do or don't do shouldn't determine what you need to do for yourself. If they decided to jump into another relationship quickly does that mean you should? Because they choose to not take a designated season to work within does that mean you shouldn't? Contrary to what many believe, your ex isn't and shouldn't...

Not understanding why a relationship ended can bring feelings of rejection, stagnation and one’s own personal attempt to figure it out only to be mentally & emotionally flooded. When desiring closure, you may have heard the statement “Find your own closure” OR “No one can give you closure but yourself”. Chances are this level of advice may come from a good place but this isn’t the advice that...

Divorces and breakups can leave residue of inadequacy, lack and confidence and even the mindset of believing that your worth as a woman has diminished. Tying your worth to a relationship will always leave you in limbo on your worth as an individual. Your "Queen" isn't based upon past or current circumstances, it's based on the fact that as a woman, you were already given the gift of being a Queen....

When couples split, there is also a "legal" side of things that needs to be handled from assets, liabilities, child support, custody and/or spousal support. Having a team during this process may involve having an attorney to help assist. This week, my guest Family Law Attorney Andrea Harvey of "Harvey Law Office" of Chicago, Illinois joined me to answer some general family law questions on what to...

When someone mentions to me that they've been angry for years, the truth is that anger doesn't last that long. Anger is a feeling that is short lived and if someone is calling it anger years, months and decades later, that is considered more to becoming "bitter", Maybe that is a word that isn't as acceptable to name however, when you can't call it for what it is then it remains. Join me this week...

"Getting Even" often sounds sweet right? Especially when you want someone to pay for what you think should be their karma. However, we fail to see that in the event of wanting to see someone get what we believe they deserve, we often spend tons of time and energy on them that we're unable to focus on what's ahead for our own lives. Real vengeance comes in doing what will elevate you and not minimi...

As speaker Eric Thomas says "If you're going to go through pain, then get an reward from it" Many often let their pain become a ceiling where it keeps them stagnant and content with being uncomfortably comfortable. They lose vision beyond where they are due to the unexpected circumstances only to remain a victim and not becoming victor. However, it's in those challenging times that your pain birth...

Trust is defined as "firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something". When this trust seems to be broken thoughts of fear, isolation, and even self-sabotage can take place. However, underneath those thoughts of trust issues is also another layer for deep connection. Here's a truth: "You can never experience real connection and intimate relationships when you do...

It only takes a mental shift to begin a new chapter.  We can often believe that what has taken place in our lives is the final chapter not realizing that it was only a season. That "fixed" mindset creates stagnation, develops fear and the inability to see what's ahead. Ending the relationship is not the "End all be all" for your life. As a matter of fact, it can be the beginning of something...

Did you know that 1 in 5 people will have a mental illness in their lifetime? It's also stated that everyone who faces challenges in life, their mental health will be impacted. Losing your marriage or long term relationship causes feelings such as depression, anxiety, fear, anger, confusion and resentment. These feelings can often become a permanent residency to your mental health and wellbeing. J...

From social media posts to even texting, we have all used writing to express ourselves in some way. Did you know that  journaling is an effective self-care technique for your emotional health? It gives you the chance start putting those feelings down on paper instead of ignoring them. It manages the stress, depression, anxiety and boosts your overall mood. Our world teaches us to "keep things...

There's this misconception that when the relationship is over, all feelings are gone when that's hardly even the case. This can cause a person to believe that missing them is a sign to return back to a relationship that they may need to stay away from. The truth is you will miss them and you may still love them because that's a part of the healing process however that doesn't mean you should go ba...

Self care is often encouraged as "treat yourself and you'll feel better" . Now make no mistake there is nothing wrong with an "indulge" but we don't want to confuse that as the only source of care. Our "Real" care is sometimes overlooked due to not confronting those things that we need to face. But what happens when they don't get addressed? Do we really put the "past" behind or is it often travel...

There's a lot of talk in these streets about forgiving other people which is true but I don't think we emphasize enough the importance of genuine self forgiveness. Those emotions of embarrassment, guilt, shame, failure, fear and anger can only be release when you decided to practice forgiving yourself. Are you still in bondage because you haven't given yourself a "get out of jail" card? Have you e...