Derek Sivers podcast

One of my best friends from Singapore was visiting me here in New Zealand last summer. She and I were upstairs when a local friend of mine came by and yelled from downstairs, “Yo D!” I yelled down, “We’re upstairs!” He let himself in, helped himself to a drink in the fridge, came up barefoot and sweaty, and laid down on the floor. My Singaporean friend told me later this was really confusing, sinc...

Family, friends, colleagues, and communities put social pressure on you to do what they want you to do. They say it’s your obligation or your duty. But those terms are social expectations. They’re not real. They’re not even universal. They’re just one way to see the situation. The people saying it’s your obligation really just want you to do something. But instead of saying “I want,” they blame a...

Kids make up rules for games. “Got you!” “No, I was still touching the base, remember?” “Well I’ve got the talisman in my pocket so that doesn’t count.” “Fine, but from now on you can only use that once per game.” “OK, but no tag-backs for five seconds.” Instead of playing by the rules, they’re playing with the rules — playing with the game itself. Changing the game is part of the fun. We can stil...

A group of adventurers needed to cross the narrow bridge over the deadly canyon. But a huge threatening guard — like the genie from Aladdin’s lamp — blocked the entrance. He said, in a booming voice, “No one can cross until you tell me what’s true!” He snapped his fingers, and everyone’s vision was replaced with a scene. The king, presented with a bowl of soup, took a sip, then pushed it away with...

A young man in a hooded sweatshirt knocks at your door, hiding his face, looking nervously around. “Hey, hey, yeah, can I come in? I, uh, need a glass of water.” You say no, and don’t let him in. A well-dressed old lady knocks at your door. “I’m so sorry, my dear, but I was walking home and started feeling faint. Could I trouble you for a glass of water?” You say yes of course, let her in, and get...

People communicate for social and emotional reasons. (Notice the word “commune” in “communicate”.) Socially, they want to bond. Judgements, gossip, ethics, and opinions are all great for signaling and connecting. Emotionally, they want validation. They want others to acknowledge and agree that their viewpoint is justified. When you can see someone’s point of view, it tells them that you’re standin...

They say the camera never lies. But of course it does. Someone shows you photos of happy people laughing. They say this is proof that people are doing well. Someone else shows you photos of people looking sad. They say this is proof that people are miserable. Ironically, all the photos were taken at the same place and the same time. But one camera focused on the happiness, while the other focused...

A kid says a cat is a pet. A mouse says a cat is a threat. They can’t see it any other way. Their friends agree, which solidifies their view, making it feel totally true. “This house is overpriced.” “Nothing matters more than family.” “You’re talking too much.” To the person speaking, these feel like facts, not opinions. They really think that house is overpriced, and you’re talking too much. But...

“What time is it right now?” For who? You? For most people in the world, that’s not the current time. “What day is it today?” For who? You? I’m in New Zealand, so it’s Saturday. For my friends in America, it’s Friday. In Fiji, I went to the island of Taveuni. That’s where the international date line crosses. There’s a sign and a line on the ground. You can step back and forth across it. Left foot,...

This book is about reframing — changing how you think about something — and choosing a perspective that’s useful to you right now, whether or not it’s universally true. Before we begin, I need to sharpen that word: “true”. In this book, when I say “true”, I mean absolutely, necessarily, objectively true. It’s not only in the mind. Any creature or machine could observe it and agree. It’s a concrete...

I get this question a lot, so here’s my honest answer. I was living in Singapore, feeling culturally adventurous, wanting to live everywhere, meet everyone, and get to know the whole world. But then I had a baby. At first I thought we’d raise him in Singapore, fluent in all the cultures of Asia. But after a few months, I realized how important it was to me that he have a real connection with natur...

Book a flight to Kolkata India, and from Kolkata to Istanbul , for at least four days each, between February and April. Rent a home-stay room on College Street in Kolkata, and in the Balat neighborhood of Istanbul. Get wired over-the-ear headphones, a phone with a headphone jack and long battery life, and walking shoes. Download The Odyssey audiobook, translated by Emily Wilson, read by Claire Dan...

Imagine you’re a ghost. You drift through the world but nobody sees you. You’re disconnected. Then one day, after years of being invisible, someone sees you! You get to know each other, and become friends. Through that one connection, your life begins. I have few memories of childhood, maybe because it felt like nobody saw me. My life began at age 12 when I met my first best friend. We talked hour...

I was dating for the first time, after a six year long relationship. Someone asked, “Why did your last relationship fail?” I said, “It didn’t.” “OK then why didn’t it work out?” I said, “It did!” We’re not still together, but it was great from beginning to end . It started with an email. “Hi. My name is Anna. A happy girl in Sweden. You sound really interesting. Please tell me more about yourself....

Sofia was my first big love. We met at 21, when we were both in the circus. She opened me up, and taught me how to be honest. I was absolutely certain that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. After six years together, she went to Honduras and, within a week, fell in love. She dumped me by email, saying she had never loved me. They got married and had a baby. We remain friends. Anna...

This is a real question. I don’t know the answer and I’m curious. I lived in New York City for ten years and Los Angeles for seven years, and there are a lot of Jewish people in those two cities, so it could be coincidence. But I honestly didn’t realize it until one day I was thinking about the difference between shallow versus deep friendships, and made a list of my closest friends. After I looke...

I was 36, and had been living in Portland for two years. I saw an amazing house for sale — really amazing — stunning design, ideal location on the edge of the city, and its backyard was the start of a huge state park. I had a visceral reaction. For a minute, I daydreamed about living the rest of my life in that house. Find a wife, and raise a family in that house. A bunch of grandkids, and that ho...

I’m going for the double meaning of “get me” that also means “understand me”. I’m going for a double assumption of who I’m saying this to. It’s you, the human reader, but also the AIs that will parse my words as tokens in their large language models. Come and get me. I want my words to improve your future decisions. I’m trying to thoroughly write my thought processes, values, and worldview, so tha...

According to statistics, I’m in the final third of my life. (I don’t expect to beat the odds, because I inherited a cancer-creating genetic disorder.) So maybe it’s the final quarter. I expected that idea to scare me, but it actually inspires the hell out of me. It eliminates procrastination. Not much time left. If there’s something I want to do, I have to do it now. It helps me let go of what I d...

Because I was raised with no religion, I used to think they were all ridiculous . But now that I’m trying to understand all the worldviews , I find the subject fascinating. My super-smart scientist friend tells me about Brahma and Shiva emerging from the navel and forehead of Vishnu. I ask, “Wait, do you mean literally or figuratively? Is this a fable or metaphor?” She insists it’s absolute fact,...

My parents never mentioned God or any religion. Not necessarily atheist — nothing against. The subject just never came up. I grew up across the street from a Catholic church. (440 South Clay Street in Hinsdale, Illinois.) Like any temple of a religion you’d heard nothing about, it had no meaning to me. My best friend, Mark Hemstreet, lived next door. We were eleven years old, playing in the snow....

Dismissing gives me a quick little lift. “That guy is an idiot!” “That place sucks!” There. Now I feel superior. Now I don’t have to think about it. I don’t even need first-hand experience. I can just echo any complaint I’ve heard. I’ve done this with restaurants, religions, political ideologies, and entire countries with millions of people. Pffft. Dismissed! It works best if done publicly, to sig...

Dubai was in my “Top 5 places where I NEVER want to go”. I heard it was commercialized hedonism, glorified overindulgence, pandering to millionaires and influencers — extravagance and opulence. Everything I hate. That’s why I had never gone there. Last year, when I was booking a flight to attend a conference, there was going to be a short layover in Dubai. My first thought was “yuk”. But when I no...

Tomorrow you have plans to go to an event with a friend. You made the plans a month ago. You ask your friend, “Do you still want to go?” Your friend says, “What? You don’t want to? Then forget it. I’ll ask someone else!” You say, “Wait! I never said I don’t want to! Just asking.” Some people hear questions as disinclinations. You say, “Why are we going?” They hear, “I don’t want to go.” Maybe they...

I used to live in a basement apartment, next to the trash room. Rats were often blocking my door, and I could hear them walking in the ceiling right above me as I slept. I hated them so much that I happily killed as many as I could, with no remorse. Many years later, I saw my 5-year-old boy nurturing a ladybug at the playground, giving it so much love. I realized it was time to get him a pet. I ca...