Delusions Of Grandeur

Hold onto your butts, it's the action-packed conclusion to all the clone madness! And also the end to the regular everyday madness you feel when you’ve got Emperor Palpatine’s voice rattling around in your head in ALL CAPS! But here they are: the final chapters in Timothy Zahn’s glorious Thrawn Trilogy. Plus some Han Mail with trilogy trivia and a hint at what we’re reading in Season Two! Keep you...

Jedi training during a camping trip means getting creative with lightsabers. Wedge gets sent on yet another side mission where he has to try to blend in at a cantina. While Thrawn and the New Republic prepare to duke it out in space, our usual suspects...uh, "heroes"...make a plan to storm the mountain that contains all of the clone madness.

We finally figure out the secret of DELTA SOURCE!! And don’t worry, it’s way cooler than anything you had in mind (yes, even cooler than: “Sounds like Coruscant’s most popular dispensary”). Talon Karrde’s Smuggle Buddies reunite and almost turn on him (gasp!) but he is saved at the last minute due to Niles Ferrier being incredibly bad at his job. Luke Skywalker forces Mara Jade to let him teach he...

Sorry we missed you last week! Like Luke Skywalker, we desperately needed a nap. On today’s episode, an astute Han Mail makes us question if Han Solo hails from Space France. Thrawn traps the New Republic high command in the prison of *their own minds* (plus a very real wall of invisible asteroids). Mon Mothma and Bel Iblis finally have a heart-to-heart. Karrde and the smuggle buddies check out so...

Barely on the outside, Leia & Han’s twins are already under threat. They get saved by none other than Mara Jade…who is repaid with house arrest?! Uncool, New Republic. Talon Karrde is out there doing smuggler stuff and longing to get his super-competent second-in-command back. And poor Lando continues to learn that bureaucracy is as much of a pain in the ass as the Empire could be. PLUS: we ha...

Have you ever wondered: can women even be friends in space? This week, in addition to our regularly scheduled shenanigans, we've got an answer. Inspired by ongoing conversations between Mara Jade and Leia Organa Solo, one of our listeners has contributed to our blog. That's right! We read novels from 30 years ago and we write on the internet like it's 30 years ago. Listen to this episode and then...

It’s the beginning of the thrilling conclusion to the Thrawn Trilogy! We’ve got CLONE MADNESS! - we’ve got Luke Skywalker learning from past mistakes! - we’ve got Wedge Antilles doing something called the “Cracken Twist” (???) - and we’ve got Mara Jade finding a hidden blaster in a library book (…she’s gonna need it!). Also: keep that Han Mail coming. The question of the week is: if Bel Iblis coul...

It’s the LAST EPISODE for this book! But in lieu of jokes about space agriculture or dreamy management styles, we’re asking you to lend your time and/or money to calling your reps and donating to relief organizations combatting the genocide in Palestine. Here are two options to get you started: American Friends Service Committee Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund

We open on Jomark where Mara Jade and Joruus C’baoth are keeping the entire B&B awake with their shouting match in the courtyard. Zoom forward four days and Luke Skywalker gets to do a Death-Star-style-break-in-and-prisoner-heist redo (it’s the same, but in reverse!). And then…we get the incredible and dramatic conclusion of the Hongorian GRASS SAGA! Leia does a full-court Alderaanian royalty...

“Tall and tan and young and ANGRY / a woman named Mara Jade goes walking…” right into Thrawn’s clutches, unfortunately. Captured after a hilarious cloak-and-dagger mission in Space Portugal that involves a random Wedge Antilles cameo, Mara Jade spends these chapters reckoning with some hard truths, passing fashion exams with flying colors, and feeling guilty enough about getting Talon Karrde locke...

In what is possibly our most philosophical/theological episode yet, we get into whether droids are categorically “Neat Little Guys” or “uncanny abominations” — we speculate about what the New Republic’s PR firm might be up to (now that we finally know it exists!) — we are thrilled to follow this galaxy’s own Belgian detective, Lando “Poirot” Calrissian on his upholstery-based investigations — and...

Luke Skywalker is nowhere to be seen this week! Lando remains unimpressed while Han Solo meets his childhood hero: The Flying Dutchman, Space Edition.™ Thrawn arrives on the Noghri homeworld for tea and accusations. Leia and Chewie wake up in a locally owned artisanal bakery. And we GET INTO IT on the history of colonialist grasses, baby!! Once you’re done reading these chapters, get grass-pilled...

Mara Jade unenthusiastically trades the jungle for a bustling market in Space Morrocco. Talon Karrde shares a secret: he accidentally discovered the location of the infamous Katana Fleet — 200 super dope ships all tethered together by Bluetooth but which were thought to be “lost.” Joruus C’baoth is still around and still weird and still fascist. Han, Lando, and Luke get into MUCH CHICANERY on New...

This week, we start off with Talon Karrde hiding behind the galactic equivalent of a lamppost—his love for the hot goss almost destroys him and his crew. Luke and Lando complete a neat side quest spurred by Lando’s excellent sense of smell and crafty negotiating tactics. An ambitious Bothan is trying to take down Admiral Ackbar with dirty money and sly interior decorating. WE GO BACK TO THE ARCHIV...

It’s the thrilling conclusion to the first novel of the Thrawn Trilogy! And it has answers to all the most pressing questions raised so far: what else was Palpatine keeping in his secret mountain lair (besides his diaries and a crazy ‘bonuus’ dark Jedi) and how will Thrawn put it to use? What happens when you cover Luke Skywalker in poison ivy? Why does Wedge Antilles drink SO MUCH tea? Join us as...

Inside you, there are two wolves. One wolf realizes that he’s on a planet that cuts people off from the Force and—even though he’s camping out in a deadly jungle with a woman whose life’s ambition is to murder him—he decides to take a nap about it. The other wolf is actually that very same murder-y woman whose survival instincts tell her to pop amphetamines and stay awake for three days straight....

True confession: I spend way too much time browsing Galactic Zillow looking at planets I can’t afford and honestly it’s a toss-up between Kashyyyk and Myrkr. On the one hand: a badass jungle where Wookies (who regularly disarm other beings—and I mean DIS-arm!) are the cuddliest residents. On the other: a mostly forested smuggler’s paradise where you get decent healthcare and no Jedi will ever both...

Why is it that everyone always decides to pay Lando a visit a) at the most inconvenient time and b) at the SAME time?! Poor scoundrel (we love him). This week: Han Solo’s study abroad buddy gets robbed—Leia and Luke solve an interesting Yoda-related conundrum—C3P0 gets a non-consensual ‘upgrade’—and Grand Admiral Thrawn deduces the best way to get a fox, a chicken, and a sack of grain across a riv...

This week, Luke very capably fends off some Jedi-nappers—proving once again that he’s meant for the field and not for EITHER middle management OR academia. Leia is starting to use her Force abilities a little more here and there—first for a very funny pretend jewelry robbery and then to detect a FAKE MILLENNIUM FALCON! We’ve got ourselves some Wedge Watch; Thrawn does an epic and (more importantly...

It's finally here, the one you've been waiting for: the first of Timothy Zahn's original Thrawn trilogy Heir to the Empire . We've got THE MOST competent bad guy (a regular Space Napoleon) who can predict his opponents' maneuvers by studying their art. Good thing Uncle Owen never paid for Luke to go off to Tosche Station for that pottery class...

Sit back. Relax. Let us pour you a tall glass of cool blue milk as we spin fascinating yarns about some of the galaxy’s most villainous scum—and how they came to frequent a certain wretched hive. That’s right: we’re unpacking the first six stories in Tales From The Mos Eisley Cantina. We’ve got mistaken identities, townhouse robberies, and sentient trees. And who would’ve thought that Greedo’s sto...

THE EXCITING CONCLUSION* to this novel has arrived! Han Solo botches a mission to sacrifice himself for the greater good and loses a great number of molars in the process. Luke Skywalker is paired with his soulmate, R2D2, for a romantic rancor ride and makes a meaningful connection with a lizard. And Leia finally chooses who she wants to marry—a decision not based on diplomacy or love, necessarily...

This week, our heroes are doing some sexy cave camping; arguing over who they get to sit next to on their rancor field trip; breaking INTO prison via berry-picking hoppers; and trying (unsuccessfully) to unhear C3P0’s original multi-versed ballad about Han Solo. That instant classic is either an homage to the Star Wars galaxy’s Frank Sinatra—or Dave Wolverton listened to a lot of Salt-N-Pepa in th...

The galaxy’s hottest club is…Dathomir. Literally everyone is crash landing there (on purpose, for some reason?). There’s an evil warlord in the skies and warring witches riding rancors on the ground. Luke has been hiding a maxi dress in his jumpsuit THIS WHOLE TIME. Han is captured but actually kind of enjoys being put to work fishing freaky Tremors/Dune worms out of beer-filled holes in the groun...

OH BOY. This is where things really take a turn for the absolute worst. Han Solo makes all of the galaxy's worst decisions, from the innocuous—asking C3P0 for relationship advice—to the insane—zapping his on-the-rocks-girlfriend with a mind control ray, stuffing her in a smuggling compartment with no oxygen, and flying her to a planet blockaded by a vicious warlord. Coooool. Cool cool cool. It's e...