Dating on High Alert

Send us Fan Mail If you live with ADHD, autism, trauma, or the full neurospicy trio , peace isn’t always peaceful at first. Sometimes it feels suspicious or it feels empty. Sometimes it may even feel like something must be wrong, because nothing is wrong. In this episode, I’m talking about the strange, uncomfortable, beautiful journey of learning to trust peace when your nervous system only trusts...

Send us Fan Mail Ever catch yourself replaying a text, analysing a look, or scanning for shifts in someone’s tone, and suddenly, you’re spiralling?  This one’s for you. In this episode, we dive deep into why so many of us with ADHD, autism, and trauma overthink, over give, and over feel in relationships, and how those patterns are rooted in survival, not weakness. I talk about the pull to notice e...

Send us Fan Mail There’s a moment after chaos when everything goes quiet, and you realise you’re different.  The rush, the spark, the drama that used to feel like connection doesn’t hit the same. You start to wonder if calm can really be love. In this episode, Ilja dives deep into rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), the intense emotional pain that comes when we perceive rejection or disconnecti...

Send us Fan Mail When you’ve only ever known love that burns, calm can feel like danger. But safety - real, grounded, slow safety - is where desire begins to grow again. There was a time I thought I knew what intimacy felt like - the pull, the craving, the chaos. But I didn’t. I only knew how to perform love, chase it, or earn it. In this episode, I’m talking about what happens after the chaos end...

Send us Fan Mail You know that kind of relationship that feels like a rollercoaster? The butterflies, the intensity, the late-night spirals, we call it “chemistry,” but what if it’s actually chaos? In this episode, Ilja Abbattista unpacks why we keep falling for the wrong people, especially if you’re living with ADHD, trauma, or both. From trauma bonds and emotional addiction to the ADHD dopamine...

Send us Fan Mail Sex is supposed to feel good, safe, connected, playful… right? But what happens when ADHD and trauma are in the room too? In this episode, I get raw and real about how distraction, impulsivity, hyper-focus, and body memories shape our experience of intimacy, and how healing isn’t always linear, even when we’ve come a long way. 💥 I share personal truths, including a recent trigger...

Send us Fan Mail Ever fallen in love in a week? Named your future kids on date three? Felt like you were spiraling before they even texted back? Same. This episode dives into why those of us with ADHD and trauma tend to fall fast, and fall hard. We explore the brain science behind intense attachment, how trauma responses play a role, and what it means to date while constantly questioning your wort...

Send us Fan Mail In this episode of Dating on High Alert , host Ilja Abbattista dives deep into a topic that’s essential for anyone navigating love, trauma, and the journey back to themselves: Boundaries . Boundaries aren’t just about saying no or keeping people out, they’re about creating space for safety, intimacy, and self-respect. Ilja shares how trauma, ADHD, and rejection sensitivity can mak...

Send us Fan Mail Overgiving Isn’t Love — It’s Self-Abandonment in Disguise This episode explores how trauma can make us overgive in relationships, and how to stop. Ilja shares honest stories of self-abandonment, intimacy, and learning to receive love without losing yourself. Plus, how to steady your mind, hold boundaries, and recognise your worth beyond how much you do.  👉 Visit iljaabbattista.co...

Send us Fan Mail Are you spiralling over a text? Rethinking your last date? Replaying conversations in your head? In this episode, I share raw truths and real stories about overthinking, self-sabotage, and how we can learn to wait, breathe, and respond with clarity - not anxiety. This one’s for you if your brain feels like it’s stuck on “What did they mean by that?” Free Guide You’re Not Too Much....

Send us Fan Mail Ever spiralled after sending a message? You're not crazy - you're wired for survival. In episode 2 of Dating On High Alert, I unpack the chaotic truth about overthinking, rejection sensitivity and the brain drama no one warned us about. You'll laugh, you might cry, But you'll definitely be seen! Free Guide You’re Not Too Much. You Were Just Never Met Fully. A s...

Send us Fan Mail In this first episode, Ilja cracks open the myth of being “too much.” ADHD, trauma, emotional chaos - what if it was never about being wrong, but being unmet?  A voice-note style truth-drop to start unmasking the way we love. Free Guide You’re Not Too Much. You Were Just Never Met Fully. A short guide for anyone who has ever felt too sensitive, too intense, or too much in relation...

Send us Fan Mail Meet Ilja Abbattista and discover why dating with ADHD and trauma feels like emotional whiplash. This podcast is your truth-telling space to unravel it all. Support the show 🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me. Dating on High Alert explores relationships, life, neurodivergence, trauma, masking, nervous systems, and what it actually means to build safety in love after survival....