Curious not Furious

What does it mean to be a good parent?  In most other areas of life we are able to rate our progress, score ourselves and determine whether we are good, below average or whether we are acing it.  And then there's parenting.  If we look at our children's behaviours to tell us whether we're good parents - we're most likely going to get a different score every day.  No - we need t...

Before I became a parent I looked at other parents and thought;  Parenting is all about getting good at the practical stuff;  Cooking Planning Organising And of course, setting boundaries so that the children can be tolerable for other people.  Some of us become so well versed at the practical sides of parenting, never missing an appointment, never sending our children out into the world with dirt...

Why do we feel so hard done by when our children don't comply or when our partner fails to meet our needs?  In this episode, Oscar van Rooij shares:  The reason we feel life or other people are against us What meeting our own needs has to do with our ability to feel differently How we can become more okay with 'what is' - even if it is not what we prefer. Oscar van Rooij is a passio...

We continue looking at the unique dynamic that exists between siblings.  Now that we have established that we can safely take a step back in a lot of our children's daily squabbles - there is something that we DO need to pay attention to as parents.  The red flags that warrant our interference are important to know about so that our children feel that it is safe to take off their armour when...

One minute they laugh and share and you feel like you've succeeded as a parent. The next moment they are at each other's throat and you despair; "What's causing all this fighting"? Love and hate, peace and war, tears and laughter - are all part of the sibling relationship dynamic and we have got to hold on tight to not get swept up in the daily storms.  There are 3 things...

We can always insist that our child says 'sorry' but we can never control whether our child's apology is sincere.  How do we ensure that our children learn to apologise when in the wrong?  And how come it feels so difficult for one of our children to admit to any wrong doings, while for another child they rush to reconnect and rebuild relationship?  In this episode we look at the &a...

Few things can feel as confronting as when the people closest to you share their thoughts on your parenting or on your child's behaviour.  Our survival strategies come out:  - Push back and defend  - Shrink and hide - Increase perfectionism  We all have a preferred strategy that helps us when we feel overcome by shame.  In this episode, we continue to look at the resilience skills that we can...

When was the last time you played offence in your own life?  - Said yes to something that made you feel nervous?  - Followed your gut instinct around care of your child, although it veered from what -   your friends were doing?  - Dared disappoint someone else so as to not disappoint yourself?  The more we can work up the capacity to tolerate the uncomfortable feelings that follow when we lean int...

Ever wondered why other people are so annoying or inconsiderate - and why your children take you for granted?  There's more to other people's unwanted behaviours than meets the eye - and I do a quick dive into the human phenomenon that we all fall prey to in relationships.  The fundamental attribution error! Let me share with you my top tip to improving your relationships instantly.  To...

How do we actually stop ourselves from melting down WITH our child?  In this episode I share my top tips on regulating yourself when your child pushes your buttons.  Self-care is best practiced OUTSIDE of those 'alarm moments' because it allows us a buffer in moments of stress. But self-care is so much more than 'a massage and a trip to the nail salon'.  You want to catch this...

As parents, we expertly try to respond to our children's wants and needs from the moment of birth. We soothe, we hold, we nurture and we give. Also, when we have nothing more in the tank. And while we may have a faint idea of just how disconnected we have become from ourselves and how divorced we are from our own needs, it can be hard to notice when life is lived 100mph.  That's why slow...

You've said no. You've held the boundary - allowed your child to feel upset - and now what?  Are you so upset at all the emotional turmoil that your child has caused that you are finding it hard to re-connect and hold the door open on connection?  This can be a very hard to pivot to make, minutes after our child has had a meltdown.  In this episode I share my top tip for preventing more...

A five minute break is not too much to ask.  Why is it that children appear to not listen when we say no?  How come it isn't till I've lost my temper, gotten more cross than I want to get or threatened to take something away, that my child respects my 'no'?  This is what we explore in today's episode.  The art of a 'good no' is a vital parenting skill. And don&ap...

I've found myself doing something I don't usually allow myself.  I've been moaning. About a particular part of my life - and one that you likely can relate to as well.   While my complaining allowed me to get rid of some steam - I suddenly awoke to the realisation that I had given my power away.  I was reminded of two fundamental things can change the way you relate to your problems...

My child gave up on cooking with me the other day... and gave me excellent feedback:  "Mum, this is not nice. You're too bossy" I was.  And I know why.  In this episode I share with you what not to do - if you wish to raise helpful children - and why it is never too late to start this process.  To get weekly tips and parenting inspiration sent straight to your inbox - head over to ...

What is going on -  When your 8 year old suddenly insists you dress her or you find yourself locked into a power struggle with your 10year old because you refuse to comply with his demands that you help him put on his shoes?  In this episode we explore independence and get clearer on what might see our children sometimes take a step back in order to be able to take a brave step forward.  To get we...

People not in the trenches of parenting often offer the sage advice:  Pick your battles. Have you ever wondered WHEN to actually pick your battles and HOW to do so in a way that doesn't give your child the impression that you're scared of their big feelings?  In this episode I offer you a road map to picking your battles.  Because when we know what we can rightly ignore and what prompts...

Do others often say to you:  "He's playing you?" "She's so ruling the roost" "You would have never been getting away with doing that" in response to how you approach your children when they're having a difficult emotion that's causing them to behave in ways that aren't ideal?  Then you might be engaged in 'Pendulum parenting' - an ne...

2023 is here!  And whatever your personal circumstance, we are facing a year of inflation, austerity, war in Europe and climate crisis. A sobering cocktail for all of us, and especially for us parents.  Because how do we keep attend to our own feelings and concerns without living in fear and taking our worries and concerns out on the people we love the most?  In this episode I share 4 things I tur...

When your instructions seem to fall on deaf ears, it is tempting to repeat ourselves only to find ourselves getting more frustrated and feeling increasingly disrespected.  This is when it becomes tempting to threaten to take things away and give ultimatums. Following on from the last episode on 'rethinking threats' - in this episode I offer 3 tips that are sure to fuel cooperation.  Coop...

Parenting without the constant use of threats to get our child to listen, can feel like giving up the one motivation tool we have at our disposal when our child says no to us or replies with a 'not now'.  So if it works, why would we even want to reconsider the use of threats in our parenting?  In this podcast episode I explore 3 ways that threats give us what we want in the here and now...