Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri

You'd be surprised at the number of people who haven't made a Will. Some of them are the lawyers I speak to. I think this is in large part because no-one wants to think about dying even though - spoiler alert - we're all going to. But the sticking point for many parents is thinking of who to appoint as legal guardian. I've chosen the best, most accessible and friendliest lawyer I work with, aka Ga...

This is not an easy subject, but a necessary one, especially when you hear the statistics on child sexual abuse. Many children don't understand what's happening to them and often can't talk about it until they are way into adult hood and what they perceive to be a 'safe place'. The impact, as we see in this episode, can be life long and pernicious. I talk to consultant psychiatrist in psychotherap...

At some time or other we've probably all wanted, or needed, to motivate our children. But how? It's both harder and easier than you think and nagging doesn't really work in the long term. Tell you what else doesn't work, reward charts. In this episode I talk to child and adolescent psychotherapist and author, Graham Music who explains the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, what...

Ever have a nagging voice in your head telling you you're not good enough or could have done something better? You may have an inner critic. In this episode I talk to psychotherapist Julia Bueno, author of Everyone's a Critic, How We Can Learn to Be Kind To Ourselves, published by Virago. We discuss where your inner/self critic may have come from, what you can do to neutralise them, and we learn w...

How we are in relationships can tell us not only an extraordinary amount about ourselves, but also how we were brought up. Family patterns can be repeated in every relationship we go onto have. Here I talk about to psychoanalytic psychotherapist Susannah Abse who has over thirty years experience in helping couples. Susannah was CEO of the charity, Tavistock Relationships, for ten years. She has al...

Grief and death are terrifying words for many of us. Of all the emotions, I’ve found, we really try to body swerve grief. But the thing is, grief doesn't go away if you ignore it. You can't cheat grief, so in this episode we try to look it in the face and talk about why it's important to start processing it and how you might go about this. I speak with psychotherapist and bereaved mother Jane Harr...

This was a listener requested topic. Boundaries form the basis of all our relationships, be they with family, work colleagues or romantic partners. Boundaries even matter if you're travelling on public transport! In this episode Armele Philpotts explains how anger is a really useful tool to alert us to a boundary being crossed. How to make boundaries, what they tell us about ourselves, and how to...

I get a lot of problems about adoption, usually, but not always, from the adopters who are struggling but are mired in shame that they cannot cope. Once someone has been through the process of adoption it can be very hard for them to admit they are finding it tough. But in this podcast we also hear from an adoptee, because that's the other side that I hear from (and often a voice which is missing...

Dementia is a word which we've become increasingly familiar with over the years, but still, understandably, strikes fear in our hearts. In this episode I talk to Julie Green, Dementia UK's Deputy Clinical Lead and an Admiral nurse with thirty years experience caring for the elderly, twelve of them in a dementia specialist role. We talk about the types of dementia, how best to 'be' with someone who...

How many of us had really good sex education, or anything that goes beyond the mere biological? In this episode I talk to COSRT and UKCP registered Silva Neves about what we wish we’d learnt, how to have ‘The Conversation’ with your children and why it should start probably earlier than you think and around the dinner table. We cover consent, why porn isn’t sex education. We also talk about the fu...

Anyone who’s had a baby knows that probably the number one question you're asked is: are they sleeping through? Some years ago, whilst researching a piece, I found out that babies aren’t meant to sleep through and there are biological reasons why this is and it blew my mind, given everything I was told at the time was that if my baby didn’t sleep through, I was somehow a failure. Professor James M...

Addiction is a word that’s overused and often misunderstood. In this episode I talk to systemic psychotherapist Rebecca Harris, who is also manager at the National Problem Gambling Clinic, Club Drug Clinic and the National Centre for Gaming Disorders. She works at the Central and North West NHS Foundation Trust in London. We look at what addiction is, what it isn’t, and how to get help if you thin...

I wanted to call this “how to win an argument” but I realised it’s not all about winning or losing but finding common ground, or ground you can both tolerate to be on. In this episode I talk to psychotherapist Gabrielle Rifkind who is a mediator and conflict resolution expert, having worked in war zones in the Middle East, Asia and Europe. Gabrielle and I talk about how to manage differences betwe...

I get so many problems about this, not just through my column, but in real life. Some people have difficult family members who get more difficult as they get older. Note: this isn’t about dementia this is about trying to navigate the difficulties you may face with an intransigent relative as they get older. Maybe they need some care but won’t acknowledge it, or maybe they’ve become dangerous behin...

It’s only in the last few years that I’ve really looked into intimacy and what it actually, practically, means. A lot of people use it as a by-word for sex but here’s where it gets interesting because intimacy and sex aren’t the same thing. In fact a lot of people use sex to avoid intimacy. Stephen Blumenthal and I discuss what is and isn’t intimacy, how to know if you’ve got it and maybe, how to...

Blended families, bonus families, step families whatever you call them, joining together two or more families can be tricky. What do you call your “new” mum/dad/sibling, how do you cope with issues that may come up, what’s the delicate line between being accepting and having boundaries? I discuss all this and more - including the positives - with psychotherapist Katherine Walker who is accredited...

We are so focused on the parent/child relationship we often overlook the sibling one, even though it is often the longest lasting relationship of our lives and can divulge various insights - if you know what to look for. A good sibling relationship can support and encourage you, a bad one can have profound and long-lasting effects. In this episode I talk to psychotherapist Nicole Addis and we disc...

I used to think of trauma in terms of war and soldiers but actually trauma can affect anyone and impact every day life. Its effects can be felt in the brain and the body. In this episode I talk to Dr Jo Stubley, who leads the adult section of the Trauma Service at the NHS's Tavistock Centre. Find out what trauma and PTSD is and what might make some people more susceptible to it. We also talk about...

We're always told relationships need work, but how do you know when yours is over or does, indeed, need working at? In this episode we look at how a good relationship should make you feel, the signs that it may be beyond repair and how to better communicate your needs. I speak to psychotherapist John Paul Davies, who specialises in relationships. Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.co...

This episode was a highly personal project, borne out of sitting with my dad as he was dying and realising I didn't know what to expect. I learnt that night that dying is a bit like birth, but in reverse. It's a process. Finding out about death and dying really helped me not only understand what was happening but make some sense of it. Here I speak to palliative care doctor Kathryn Mannix who has...

The teenage brain goes through incredible changes during adolescence. This not only explains their behaviour but, knowing what these changes are means you can help support them or - if you are the teenager - might help you understand yourself better. Rachel and I chat about what those neurological changes are and how they manifest. I also spoke to some teenagers who give invaluable insights into h...

Listening is a skill not everyone has and yet it's so important to every day relationships - and is at the core of 99% of the problems I hear about. In this episode I talk to Chris Mills, a psychotherapist about how to be a better listener, how to be heard (and learn how I got myself heard as a child in a noisy Italian family) with exercises you can try straight after listening.  Make a one o...

Have you ever wanted X-ray specs into human behaviour? Then this is the podcast for you. Listen to ‘brilliant, insightful and wise’ agony aunt and journalist Annalisa Barbieri, as she releases specially recorded conversations between her and the experts she’s consulted over the years, who put a life time’s learning into each conversation. Every week you can learn more about yourself and the people...