Cocktale Hour

 Joy, hope and looking optimistic...that's something to try out, huh? We address the big issues facing today's youth and how the best thing to do might be just to ignore it all and move to Harlingen, Texas.

 Dave joins us this week and tells us all about his colonoscopy and Taylor Swift. Yikes. We hit on different topics as we return after a little break. Thanks to our Patrons and welcome to the show! You too can help to keep the lights on by checking us out on Patreon.com

 Scandal today, did someone get nominated for an Academy Award because of advertising? Does anyone care if the Scientologist leader is missing or ever heard from again? Would you be embarrassed to be a porn performer at 80? Finally, and what age is it acceptable to get full body tattoos? We've got the answers!

 2023 is in full swing now and we plan what's on deck for us this year- Danny is going to start auditioning for drug commercials like Cialis or Zeljanz or some other crazy named product, and Kelly is finally going to work on his stand up act, I hope as a mean Surfer Jesus.  Look for his Hallmark Christmas special coming in December! Thanks to our loyal Patreon subscribers! You should get...

 It must be really embarrassing to lose the vote 14 time, but hey, politics is a racket and they'll suffer any embarrassment to hold on to power won't they? Also we talk about open carry in Texas and how easy and legal it is to shoot a guy that is carrying a toy gun. Finally...thanks to our Patreon subscribers, I'm trying to get them to ship your mugs!

 It's the end of 2022 and we offer a light recap for the year and a hopeful view for next year. Best wishes to all for a prosperous 2023!

 Happy Holidays! Christmas is almost here and the stress of gift giving is in full swing. Danny is having a hard time getting in to the mood and Kelly has to go to the Mall! Let's talk Snapchat filters and how chicken and waffles are gooood.

 That's one thing about the Cocktale Hour, we are full of great ideas to make money. If you'd taken our advice from one of the early episodes, you'd be a thousand-aire by now. Don't miss you chance with the great ideas in this one! Remember, we're off Twitter so you'll have to send your fan letters by email now. Cocktalehour@yahoo.com.

 It's almost Thanksgiving and Kelly is back from New York city, drinking $80 Mezcal shots. We are thinking about this podcast and how it will be presented as the greatest example of podcasting in the Smithsonian in just about 200 years. We're no longer on Twitter, and you should drop it too.

 The midterms are over and we don't know who won. So let's talk about affirmations and Hollywood instead! Join us for the most stimulating Saturday morning talk you'll find, and don't bother connecting with us on Twitter, we're out. Don't let anyone impersonating us steal your money!

 Kelly's truck was never found, but we did find a great way to protest, show up in Maricopa County Arizona in a speedo and a smile. Kelly can mime his heart out while the Gravy Seals look threatening around the ballot boxes. Happy Halloween!

 When you went from 150 to 400 pounds, it just snuck up on you didn't it? If your BMI is over 40, you might expect some health issues, but I can tell you what restaurant you will really enjoy. We dig deep on this episode even though the cops have 0 leads on Kelly's truck. Do the police care enough to help you when you need something? Danny ponders attending a local school board candidate meet...

 It happened. Someone stole Kelly's truck from in front of his house. Will he ever get it back? How long do you have to wait before it is declared gone forever. Do people masturbate to your personal photos if you AirBnb your house? All these questions will be answered in this episode!

 The prayers worked and Kelly is chipper as ever! We discuss skin grafts and discover that foreskin is available for any kind of facial graft you need. Now we just need to figure out to corner the market for our own retirement goals. Speaking of retirement, would you retire to a community that we ran? Come on, it would be fun!

 This week we come back from a few days off and celebrate the fact that Willie is still alive. America still needs to get its shit together and Kelly needs prayers of comfort. Don't forget to follow us on Twitter!

 TikTok and influencers. Kevin Spacey's morality clause. Whether Danny is susceptible to advertising or not. We have a politics free talk today and get deep into what the young people want to see. Join us as our popularity skyrockets on The Cocktale Hour!

 Mi peluquero era un pervertido y Kelly se cortó el pelo muy corto. Hablamos de la cultura de la cancelación y si puedes volver de ella. Planeamos un control remoto para mi reunión de secundaria. No olviden seguir mis quejas en Twitter. La hora del cuento de gallos!

My barber was a low-key pervert and Kelly's cut his hair too short. We talk about cancel culture and if you can ever come back from it. We plan a remote for my high school reunion...yikes! Don't forget to follow my rants on Twitter- CocktaleHour! 

 No big political topics this time. We're talking about what happens if aliens are real and they come to take all the women. Who would help us decorate? Kelly says it leads to a new series, Handsjob Tale. Let's get in better spirits and make the world a better place, what do you say. Follow us on Twitter, I've been complaining a lot there...

 The Fourth of July didn't seem so festive this year. We riff on politics, the supreme court and what's going to happen to all those babies the high school cheerleaders in Missouri and Louisiana are going to have. As always, you can complain to us on Twitter at Cocktalehour. I've been making angry tweets there, so feel free to enjoy!

 This week America is a dumpster fire and I for one blame Christianity and have taken to Twitter to express my impotent rage. Danny is trying to keep us level headed, and Kelly has given up on voting as a way to institute change. Whether you believe in our opinions or not, here they are. Remember, no one can see your vote. If you live in a Christian Taliban state, you can still vote for chang...

 Follow your dreams, but make sure your funeral expenses are covered. We spend this episode diving into parenting and generational trauma. How would we rank as fathers? Stay tuned and maybe we'll share the results next time...

 Gas prices are high for no good reason. What can we do but pray about it? Join us for comforting words of wisdom, and not a whole lot of penis jokes this time. We want to make Kate happy.

 It's Memorial Day weekend and we're finding it hard to find much joy in America. Another school shooting, price gouging and inaction from every branch of the government. We find that it's the little things, like Herschel Walker's inability to make coherent sentences that give us joy.

 Even though we have Zannie as a new Patreon patron, we could use a big sponsor to drive engagement. Maybe John Varvatos is the way to go, I guess we just need to send him a note. Ketosis, Probiotics, alien Jeff Bezos and illegitimate supreme court justices...today is for learning!