Church History for Chumps

The stage is finally set: the Western Christians have heard the call to the Holy Land, and have responded with resounding affirmation. The first of the waves of Europeans to head for Jerusalem wasn't quite what you'd imagine though. Led by the charismatic open-air preacher Peter the Hermit, a band of thousands of untrained soldiers headed East to participate in the early crusade. The res...

Blah blah Byzantines, blah blah Seljuks, when do we get to the FIGHTING??? How about NOW.  Well, sorta.  Finally our story finds us back in the West, where Pope Urban II will stir affections far and wide, compelling the feudal Franks to storm the Holy Land.  But what were the motivations of these war-hungry comrades? Fame? Piety? Dollar bills?? You'll have to tune in to find out. You'll...

Everyone loves a romance story. The initial flirting, then falling in love, then holding an ecumenical council where you promise to always love each other.  But alas, then comes...the breakup.  As we continue to set the stage for the Crusades, we are forced to answer one crucial question. Why don't the Byzantines and Western Christians like each other anymore? :(  The answer is (probably) mor...

You know what they say: if you can't join them, beat them.  And we're not taking any more cohosts on our show unfortunately. So if you want to get into the CRAZY LUCRATIVE world of church history, you're gonna have to start your own podcast.  But don't actually do that, we can't really afford any more competition if we want to be financially stable anytime soon... Anyways....

Today we discuss the third major character of our series on the Crusades, the mighty Byzantine Empire.  Well...once mighty, that is.  For centuries, the Byzantines have been tied up in military skirmishes with foes such as the Persians, Franks, and Seljuk Turks.  Join us as Tom leads the gang through the highs and lows in the story of the Eastern Christian empire as we continue marching towards th...

Welcome to Islamic History for Chumps! Wait a second, that's not right. *checks notes* Welcome to week two of our long, loooong journey into the Crusades This week we'll discuss the second major character of this era, the Islamic armies.  As we'll discuss in the episode, it's not quite as simple as discussing one Islamic group, as they existed across a wide spectrum ethnically,...

OUR CRUSADES SERIES IS HERE.  They said we'd never do it. They said it couldn't happen. And they were almost right.  Today, we set the stage for the massive undertaking of exploring the Crusades. We begin with an exploration of one of the three major characters in the Crusades, the Western European church. We'll begin with a quick recap of the fall of the Western Roman Empire in 476...

Happy New Years, Chump Nation! We haven't forgotten about the Crusades, trust us.  But we wanted to bring in the new year with a good friend of ours, the mind behind Inspiring Philosophy , Mike Jones.  We walk through his insights on the current state of Islam, whether secularism is working out for the Western world, and how apologetics can still work in 2026. It's a good time! We promis...

Rarely is one so compelled to gaze upward than when they enter the majestic Sistine Chapel.  Featuring historically renowned art pieces such as the Creation of Adam and the Last Judgment, the Pope's private chapel is a spectacle that millions travel to witness every year.  But did you know how it was built? Or how Michelangelo got roped into (sort of against his will) painting his now-famous...

Merry Christmas, Chump Nation!  Each year, we find ourselves immersed in traditions that range from decorating a tree, hanging large socks over the fireplace, and preparing for the arrival of a magical Arian puncher.  But where do all of these traditions come from? Join us as we explore the vast range of Christmas Day customs and the different nooks and crannies of church histories where they orig...

Bienvenidos, amigos.  It's the 16th century. The Aztec Empire has recently fallen at the hands of the Spanish conquistadores. Colonialism is spreading throughout New Spain, and with it, a rise of the Spanish faith: Roman Catholicism.  The Native population is apprehensive, as they deal with the social collapse of their civilization and the health crises of crippling diseases. Until one Decemb...

We all knew this day would come.  For many of our friends in the Baptist tradition, there is no competition as to who the greatest Baptist is to grace the pulpit. Only a battle for second place. The gold medal belongs to Charles Spurgeon, the cigar smoking, quip quipping, Bible preaching, pulpit shaking, rootinest, tootinest cowboy in the wild, wild west.  Charles Haddon Spurgeon, often known as t...

I remember when AI was just a quirky little app that we used to laugh about.  Now AI is everywhere: from your aunt's posts on Facebook to the suspiciously well-written essays turned in by terrible 6th graders.  The influence of AI is growing, and the question of its morality is becoming more and more relevant.  So what do you think, is AI opening Pandora's box? Or is it a new tool to be...

It's a story as American as apple pie: a man known for his good morals is accused of chopping down a tree, and would one day lead a great nation.  Oh wait, you think I'm talking about George Washington? WRONG! This is Saint Boniface, my friend.  Often called the Apostle to the Germans, Boniface was a monk, preacher, missionary, and yes, sometimes a destroyer of pagan idols.  Join Thom, T...

If you live in America, chances are you've been spoon fed Pilgrim lore since you were but a wee lad.  You've likely heard the tales of adventurous English men and women braving the seas, fist bumping Indians, and wearing terrible clothing.  But what's the real story? What would possess these people to brave a journey that would take them weeks, and possibly even cost them their live...

If you were around for this story in 2018, you remember that it was everywhere .  An American missionary is killed after attempting to make contact with an isolated tribe that lives on a small island in the Bay of Bengal.  Criticism was immediate. Swarms of news outlets condemned the man for resurrecting age-old imperialist tactics in defying the tribe's desire for autonomy. Many Christians d...

From Arianism to Modalism, Nestorianism to Docetism, we've hit our fair share of heresies on this show.  (By talking about them, not by committing them, hopefully) So for this week's episode, we'll be discussing how the church has historically dealt with the "h-word." We'll also consider, from our own ministry perspectives, the optimal way to address heresy in a moder...

Note: We love that some of our listeners enjoy our podcast with their entire families. However, this episode contains some content that may be a little inappropriate for the little ones. “I dedicate this edit to all my friends who couldn’t watch The Smurfs because they were allegedly satanic.” — Our editor, Ray We know—we’re a few days late for Halloween. But bear with us. The Satanic Panic was a...

The world is obsessed with hot takes. Sometimes to an unhealthy degree, we think.  So for today's episode of Chump Talk, we're going to be cracking open the vault of spicy takes and sharing them with the world. The only thing was, to keep things fun and fancy free, we opted to keep them on the milder side. Save the scorched earth comments and heretical potshots for your *second* favorite...

They said we'd never make it.  Our series on the apostles ends with easily the most impactful of them all: the man himself, Paul. Author of 251 books of the bible, survivor of many attempted murders, the world's greatest evangelist.  But what does history say happened to him where the New Testament is silent? Was he killed in Rome under Nero's persecution? Or did something way LAMER...

Thomas is BACK, BABY. It's about dang time.  But also, we're wrapping up our series on the Apostles with two of the minor-est boys in the bunch, Thaddeus and Bartholomew.  While the biblical narrative doesn't offer us much on these two lads, history has no shortage of legends about their lives. Where did they go? Were they martyred or did they die of natural causes?  Also, let'...

For a long-time follower of Jesus, Thomas really got the short stick when it came to nicknames. But that's okay. He redeemed his doubting ways and was named with the rest of the disciples even after Jesus ascended to heaven.  But here's a question-- what did he do after that? Did he go to Persia? Or perhaps, even farther??? Join us as we explore the fascinating legacy of the Apostle Thom...

Let's be honest-- each of the Gospel authors clearly had their favorite disciples to write about. Lots of Peter yapping, a little bit of Thomas doubting, a little bit of John being beloved. But what about the other guys? Well, one of those 'other guys' is the apostle Philip, and he's our focus for this week. Join us as we try to uncover once again, what happened to this discipl...

Few things are worse than living in the shadow of a really successful older sibling. We imagine the siblings (or cousins, right Catholics?) of Jesus probably felt that way.  Imagine being young Gregory of Nyssa, the brother of four siblings who would go on to receive sainthood. And two of them are your oldest brother and sister. What a nightmare. For Gregory, living a life of spiritual adventure l...

How's that for a title, huh? We heard we're supposed to be better at hooking people.  But seriously, few of the apostles get as wild of a post-Acts story as John. Supposedly boiled in oil, miraculously survived, and then banished to a tiny island where he wrote Revelation. Supposedly. So let's see what the history books have to say about ol' John the Beloved. Also, we'll t...