Can I tell you a story?

Henty escapes the Big Top after his act and finds himself sitting in a church with a man named James. James may or may not have murdered another man with a fish to the face, and he’s asking Henty for absolution. Henty can’t grant him forgiveness, but he can accompany him back to the scene of the crime to find out once and for all. Thanks for listening. I hope you enjoy the story. If you do, and wa...

Days reel past Sienna in strobe light flashes. Breathless and disoriented, she happens across a letterbox in the wall of an alley with ‘Complaints Department’ written above it, and finds herself pushing her feelings through the metal flap. Sadie, a field officer for the Complaints Department, offers her a way out – will Sienna remember the chance she’s been given in the midst of the relentless pas...

Elsie and Maude sit at the bus stop outside Halfway to Heaven, watched over by one of the interchangeable Jessicas who sits behind the reception desk through the glass doors. They can’t face going back inside to what passes for life through those doors. But that’s okay, because tomorrow, they’re going to win the lottery… Thanks for listening. I hope you enjoy the story. If you do, and want more –...

Burke is a villainous villain who rides a penny farthing and owns a haunted cat. He’s bent on keeping everything a secret from everyone – particularly the whereabouts of the secret of eternal life. Things start to go wrong when the clockwork armadillo he’s built to dig a tunnel to the home of the Eternal Monk runs down part-way, and he can’t fit into the hole to wind it. His refusal to trust the p...

We met Joke and Morganna in the very first story - and now they're back, continuing their quest for dragons and for the ninth world (or call it exile if you want). Unknowingly, they’re joined by Minette, bent on escaping her impending marriage… will they find dragons? Will they find the Ninth World? Will the shape shifting figurehead turn into something that isn’t a penguin? Will Minette survi...

This week, we revisit the Complaints Department as they resolve another existential complaint. If you haven't heard any of their stories yet, perhaps you'd like to scroll back a bit and listen to some of the earlier ones - or just dive in here! Jol spends his life looking at the ground, trying to hold himself together so tight that he doesn’t fall into pieces, desperately hoping for closur...

Mavis understands ducks and machines, but she isn’t good with people. So when a twitchy wizard shows up at her laundromat at 3am with no change needing clean socks and to be saved from himself, she is not amused. But with the fate of the world (and more importantly, her laundromat) at stake, what else is she to do… Thanks for listening. I hope you enjoy the story. If you do, and want more – perhap...

First, credit and my grateful thanks to Carol - one of my excellent patrons and generally excellent human - for coming up with the title for this story! Angeline is minding her own business with the crossword (nothing cryptic, mind, just the straightforward one), when there’s an almighty crash from outside. A large, naked, glowing man has crash landed in her petunias. Angeline isn’t prepared for t...

It takes Jasmin years to remember how to be alone again after her children are grown, removing all the coats she’d accumulated one by one. How did she get to be wearing so many of them? A lifetime of coats. Sensible dark woollen coats, heirloom fur coats, bulky padded winter coats. Spring coats thrown over shoulders just in case of rain. Coats made of ‘should’, coats made of ‘ought to’, coats made...

Laurie’s life feels meaningless. Every time she grasps at meaning, every time she tries to decide what her life should be about, meaning evaporates. Hope is like an hourglass and the sand keeps ticking through. Late one night, Laurie pushes her complaint through the Complaints Department letterbox and keeps hoping. Laurie doesn’t know what she was expecting, but it wasn’t Sadie, the young, annoyin...

Annie lives with a demon on her shoulder, criticising everything she does. Mostly, she agrees with it. She’s 42. Shouldn’t she have done more with her life? Shouldn’t she be more than she is, by now? Until her fairy godmother arrives, running a bit late. Will Annie be granted the wit and beauty and charm she should have received at birth? Will her fairy godmother be a match for the demon? Will Ann...

Emilie Underhamer is planning on living forever. Her plans are ruined when she wakes up dead, so to speak, to find a thief with his hands in her safe. It's safe to say she is not amused. The thief has troubles of his own - he's being played by the ruthless head of the Scoundrel's Quarter, who, coincidentally, is also planning on living forever. His plans are also foiled, as the plot th...

There's an unexpected knock at Alma's door. It's a suit, with a man in it. A smooth, smiling man, whose words run rings around her and whose teeth are too white. This is new magic, a kind she hasn't seen before. Can Alma, with her old, twisty, earth magic, outwit him and save her house? Thanks for listening. I hope you enjoy the story. If you do, and want more – perhaps you’d like...

In today's story, we return to the Complaints Department and meet Silas. Silas is brooding, mysterious, and does it on purpose. He’s a field officer at the Complaints Department, a mysterious organisation that resolves complaints of an existential nature. The Complaints Department endeavours to address all complaints within 30 days. Mr Cotton (having looked over the wall and seen the Complaint...

Anne met a woman with no teeth, and she was smiling. Somehow, having no teeth made more room in her face for joy. Anne’s afternoon winds its way through roses, a bowl of peas, a hungry cat and many tears… at the end, nothing has changed and yet everything feels different. Thanks for listening. I hope you enjoy the story. If you do, and want more – perhaps you’d like to support the podcast on Patre...

Can I tell you a story? Two girls drive into the desert in a car that's seen better days. They’re going to summon a fire spirit to grant them their heart’s desires. This is not what happens. Perhaps they shouldn't have listened to the crazy bee woman – she’s not all crazy, but what she says often isn’t what you think she means, and what they get isn’t what they bargained for. Thanks for li...

Can I tell you a story? Elodie is eight. She goes next door to wish Mrs Daisy a happy birthday (mostly because she wants Mrs Daisy to give her a chocolate chip cookie), but the inside of Mrs Daisy’s house isn’t there anymore. Elodie enters another world, makes friends with someone who talks as much as she does, and together they go to find the party. Thanks for listening! I hope you enjoy the stor...

Vera is on her way home from the funeral of her last living friend. She's not sure what one does, when one is the last, and when her child has grown into a man she can’t like. Then she accepts an unexpected invitation from the wide blue sky, and she leaves her familiar belongings and escapes her horrible son and steps into a very different kind of life... Thanks for listening! I hope you enjoy...

Can I tell you a story? June is lonely. Her parents are dead, she hasn’t a partner. She’s thinking about getting a dog. Then, she finds a letterbox in an alleyway with ‘Complaints Department’ written above it. She pushes her complaint through the flap and second guesses herself all the way home. Her complaint reaches the Complaints Department, a mysterious organisation that resolves complaints of...

Can I tell you a story? It's a love story about a man, a woman, a river... Ginny, a river spirit, needs adoration to survive. She meets a boy who’s not yet sure of the man he’ll be. Will he willingly give her his life for hers, surrender his whole heart so she won’t die and become just water, falling over rocks? Thanks for listening! I hope you enjoy the story. If you do, and want more – perha...

Can I tell you a story? Joke (don’t ask him why his name is Joke) is the ruthless pirate captain of the finest sky ship in all the eight worlds. He tries to double cross the pirate queen and she sends him on a quest (call it exile if you want) to find the ninth world. He hopes he finds dragons out there, because he intends to tame one. He hopes the partner he’s been lumped with falls overboard. He...