Calling All Creeps: A Goosebumps Literary Review

I know RL Stine says that his books don't have lessons, but please don't apply prescription lotion you find in the trash to you and your friends' skin regardless of how funny the result may be.  Welcome to Health Class. Dave and Matt are here to discuss how your body is changing and you are blossoming into a young adult. Now hit the showers and avoid eye contact. 

Matt and Dave are joined by musician and horror comic enthusiast, Nick Sardone! The Masked Mutant is a comic villain that can turn his molecules into anything! (There are some repercussions from him turning into a liquid, but why would that info be important to the reader, the mutant himself, or the plot?) Our worthless protagonist's public transportation shortcomings and near endless comic book k...

Matt and Dave break a leg reading the Phantom of the Auditorium. You'd think this book would be about handsome roguish ghouls, but really it's about the danger of falling from high places. Seriously. Schools, check your trap doors. Kids can get hurt. How are you going to call a kid's parents and tell them they died in a tragic 'Shrek the Musical' accident? Didn't think of that, did you? 

Happy Halloween you cute little Stine Heads! What better way to celebrate the best holiday than watching a spooky movie. Let Matt and Dave be your guide to the most iconic episode of the Goosebumps Television show! Show audio is included. You can listen to the episode alone or pair with the show muted on Netflix for the full experience.

Matt and Dave journey back to the mystical deserts of Egypt to check back in with their favorite Uncle Ben, cousin Sari, and the poster child for fragile masculinity, Gabe. As the title implies, there are mummies. No surprises there. However, the big discoveries these podcasters uncover in the endless sands is a deeper adult understanding of coming-of-age characters and themes, budding sexuality,...

It's been a year of ghouls, ghosts, and sick sucking noises. Matt and Dave celebrate a year of podcasts the best way imaginable. The gruesome twosome sat in on a conversation between RL Stine and Tim Jacobus! You don't want to miss this one!

Move over #HotGirlSummer, at Brad and Agata's beach-side cottage Jerry and Terri are living #DeadKidSummer. Matt and Dave hop on their boogie boards and catch a wave to the family graveyard in RL Stine's masterpiece Ghost Beach!

Matt & Dave celebrate the 21st book the way you celebrate a 21st birthday, by getting someone way too drunk. Learn why a borderline sexual fascination with worms and getting revenge on your older sister doesn't mix. Many worms were harmed in the making of this book, but it was all in the name of science. Get ready to be "H" for the "W"!

Jody and her brother Mark go on their yearly summer trip to visit their grandparents and eat pancakes. Turns out farmhand Stanley learned how to read and is bringing his straw scarecrow buddies to life so he can choose pie flavors. Moral of the story is don't get between tweens and their pancakes.

The ocean is a horrific nightmare of mystery, teeth, and mermaids? Did anybody remember that this book is about mermaids? Weird. Dave of the Age of Enfrightenment podcast joins Matt and Dave as they explore the deep with the Deeps and deepen their understanding of Australian accents. Gine...

Evan and Andy return in a new tale. While the setting may be new, you can bet your bottom dollar this puppy is going to be full of wet sucking sounds from that green gunk we love to hate. Monster Blood is back and it's coming to a hamster near you!

Matt and Dave have found new reasons to be afraid of bees in the weeks it has taken to finish this Goosebumps book. Welcome to their hell. BZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz...

Matt and Dave have completed a fourth of the original Goosebumps collection! The duo take this time to analyze and rate the opening titles of the series in their first Goosebumps Quarterly Review! Also, Goosebumps bright green heart is still pumping hard in todays pop culture and RL Stine's slimey creations have gooshed their way to the world of comics. Matt & Dave break down the spiritual success...

Ever feel like your summer is lacking that extra thrill ? Just want to unplug and get your family murdered by a slide? How about getting your dad gored by a giant bird in a thunder dome? Do we have the park for you! By bringing one proof of purchase for a Coca-Cola product, Matt and Dave get free admissions for their long awaited guest, Brian, to the theme park that will literally kill you.

If this town was really looking for poop monsters, they just needed to check their local Middle School. Matt and Dave take a hard and loose approach to the weakest title thus far. Follow a terrible squad of trash children as they try to scare a little girl just for being a decent human-being. Seriously, these kids are just plain awful... Also, there are monsters.

Mom and Dad love science more than their children. Would their be any other reason to leave the picturesque beauty of Vermont for a poop bog life in the swamp? If naming their son Grady wasn't abuse enough, they send their husky child off into the Florida everglades to play while they hang with their deer pals. Video Game/Comic writer Tom Dzuiba joins Matt and Dave on a swampy Cinco De Mayo to tru...

Haunted Piano? Ghosts? Robots? Severed Child Hands!? Is this thing on? Matt and Dave dig into the 13th Goosebumps title and like what they find. RLS has mastered the craft of children's horror and is ready to play chopsticks on your sickly melting skull head. Strap in and show me them hands, baby. 

Matt and Dave return to the Goosebumps world and try so hard not to use the "G" word while describing a mystical, traveling, magic lady who grants wishes. Sam is a clumsy, puberty-bound klutz who is given the power to make three wishes. Unfortunately for her, this lady really sucks at magic.

Put your books away and take a seat, class. it's the first of April and you guys know what that means, ANOTHER NEW EPISODE OF BAILEY SCHOOL DROP OUTS! Just like they do every month, Ed, Matt and Dave go through the beloved and probably very relevant early 90's kids horror series Bailey School Kids. Pencil's Down Dudes!

Get ready for an extra-long CAC special episode! It's RLS's favorite book and we imagine many of yours. Matt and Dave are joined by independent filmmaker and pop culture connoisseur Isaac Leggett. The boys dive in to the 'original Facebook' to shed light on 90's bullying, duck customs, and sweet, tender mom love. Don't miss it!

When a new boy moves in next door there has to be a pretty good chance that he's a ghost, right? I mean, sure, all of your friends have disappeared and he goes to your school but you don't know him or his friends but he has to be the ghost. Also, The Grim Reaper is chasing you. But he's the ghost.... God, you're so stupid.

Camping used to be called 'living' before we gave up our nomadic ways. For Billy and his boys, it's called 'dying'. Camp Nightmoon is a terrible camp which makes for a terrible plot. RLS crafts a beautiful outdoor experience and hangs it on a meatless plot full of dead children, guns, and snake bites. Don't miss this one!

Lucy is a monster-crazy tween and frankly her friends and family are sick of it. Seriously, this girl is relentless. Lucky for her, the summer reading program is lead by a peculiar librarian with monster-like tendencies! Join Matt and Dave and their first ever guest, Jackie, a real life children's librarian! It's like a scholastic book fair for your ears! Don't miss this one!

It's finally here! The book you have all been waiting for! Two identical twin sister battle for dominance on the only battlefield worth fighting... Ventriloquism. Matt & Dave bring you The Night of the Living Dummy!

Max and his brother Lefty stumble across a secret compartment in their home due to their friend Erin's attic fetish. They discover an old mirror and lightbulb that have the power to turn the kids invisible! That's about it. Seriously... I mean, there are shadow children near the end but they are just as unenthused. Matt and Dave recount the book's nonexistent plot and do some bad impressions.