But Not All At Once

When I recall the beauty standards of my formative years, I think of two Kates, one Fiona, and my beloved (but sometimes side-eyed) Friends.  Kate Moss, the queen of heroin chic;  headlines decrying "overweight" Kate Winslet; Fiona Apple, unshowered, underfed, and undressed on a dirty carpet in her "Criminal" video; and Friends' lazy punchlines about Monica in a fat suit....

You can't be an expert on living. Perhaps intuitive eating, child-rearing, business, style, fitness - any number of things that require licenses, credentials or letters after your name. But living? Hmm. Perhaps that's how we got into a "personal development" situation. After our first Rachel Hollis discussion , there was a clamor to dive in a bit deeper, so here we are. Let&apo...

Lilibet Diana Mountbatten-Windsor arrived ten days ago; a press release and a flurry of headlines marked her debut. This week we delve into royal names, royal gossip, my baby-naming preferences and strategy, and more. Next we'll dive into Rachel Hollis' return to (and quick retreat from) social media on Patreon . Can't wait to hear your thoughts!  Thanks for being here, y'all!...

Parenting coach Mary Van Geffen guides folks daily through the process of raising "spicy" kids. Want to really get her going? Talk about the societal pressure to be a "good" mom, and the many meaningless, artificial and external markers that indicate what success looks like for modern parents. Mary unpacks and refutes every bit of that. I wish I could quote our entire conversat...

As Mental Health Awareness Month ends, we talk with Tanya Camunas about how families can break generational cycles; what makes healing from trauma possible; how communities can preserve families and support their children's mental health; and why families of every socioeconomic status struggle. More than an executive director far removed from her field, Tanya herself is in therapy to heal fro...

Author Ashley Adams is a happily married mother of three; if you saw her around her Virginia hometown, you'd never guess what she's survived. Today Ashley shares her years-long struggle to decide if she should leave or stay in her first marriage to a man who secretly battled alcoholism. With two toddlers, she became a single mother who would eventually walk them through the loss of their...

Our 95th episode focuses on a topic listeners have requested for months: faith. Where does one start? How can you deconstruct a lifetime of beliefs and rebuild new, deeper ones? What role does spirituality have in modern society? How has the need to congregate changed during Covid? Rev. Kendra Plating and I could have discussed this for days, but in an hour we touch on women in church leadership;...

(A little caveat: It's Mother's Day week. If you're in a tender spot around parenthood, loss, or pregnancy, be gentle with yourself and pick another episode. Shoot me a DM and we'll find just the words you need to hear today.) "Ten in ten." That's how Margot Guy describes the losses she and her husband, TJ, have faced in a decade of trying to grow their family. N...

Since discovering Dear Abby in the early '90s, my dream has been to have an advice column. Giving people wisdom you'd never live out yourself - how does adulthood get better than that? Here we dive into an hour of DMs, comments and other listener submissions ranging from unwanted houseguests, post-COVID socializing, brides as centers of the universe, body boundaries, managing post-divorc...

Spoiler alert: Sangeeta Hardy is snuggling a baby as you read this. The decade of her life before meeting her daughter, however, brought hurdle after hurdle: infertility, miscarriage, surrogacy, potential adoption, grief amidst marriage, wincing at baby shower invitations, and hours of therapy to prove that feelings deserve to be felt, not compartmentalized. You'll love Sangeeta's assert...

Let's talk about the recent Khloe Kardashian kerfuffle. An (allegedly) unedited swimsuit photo of her made its way to Instagram via her grandmother; the whirlwind that ensued convinced many that Khloe suffers as intensely from body dysmorphia as her followers, who consume the family's typically Photoshopped content, do. In this episode we dissect the weird mix of culpability (you create...

A long-promised mini pep talk for women bringing home their second babies. You know just enough to worry yourself sick, but not enough to feel confident that you can do this once again. Let me be the voice who reminds you: You. Sure. Can. You may be wondering if your world is about to be flipped upside down again. Can you love another small human? Who will need you most? How can you ever, in a mom...

If talker's block were a thing, I'd have the opposite. SO many things to tell you and so little time before your AirPods need charging. After last week's rollicking Rachel Hollis rundown, we have oodles of new folks and a number of longtime listeners who may not know the who/what/why on Earth is this girl pulling life stories out of every woman she's ever met? So here's a...

Here's a spicy take to start your weekend! Get the rundown on the brouhaha around Rachel Hollis' careless condescension and oblivious "apology" this week. We walk through personal development gurus, hypocrisy, privilege, cancel culture, consequences, accountability, growth, and the kiss of death in personal relationships (and public ones too). Support the podcast at Patreon.com...

Artist Lacey Hennessey joins us to talk money, courage, fulfillment, optimism and whether Beyonce has more hours in the day than the rest of us. (She doesn't, but she DOES pay a lot of people to do things you might enjoy doing yourself.) Whether you have a secret dream you'd love to pursue, wonder how much money "starving" artists can actually make, or want to stop caring what...

Imagine you're at a playground when your child toddles over to a girl in a wheelchair and asks, in all sincerity, why she can't walk. Do you dig a hole in the sandbox and hide? Shush him and scurry away? Join them both for a conversation and some toy-sharing? Greenville mom and advocate Cat Stevens hopes you'll do the latter. And while you're there, she'd love you to ask a...

Intuitive eating counselor Kate Morris, whose gentle wisdom we first heard last May in episode 56, is back for a much-needed discussion about parenting children (and re-parenting ourselves) to become healthy, happy eaters who trust themselves.  We're drowning in messages about eating perfectly, feeding our children "well," and controlling our diet. But if our kids are 242% more like...

All right, friends. The Sussexes spilled it. Every last drop. Now what? Let's talk it out!  Here's a rundown, a breakdown and a few follow-ups. This episode was released Monday evening on Patreon for subscriber to get an early listen. (I note this because even more headlines have emerged since that time. Just you wait; we'll chat about them too.) Look for a new pep talk later this w...

But Not All At Once started solely as an Instagram account, launched as a series of PSAs encouraging people to phase out the thoughtless, rude, invasive, dismissive and otherwise inappropriate phrases they use toward women. Today, we're going back to our roots by revisiting the issue. We cover what not say, what works instead, how to apologize (and what does NOT count when saying you're...

In another two months, the But Not All At Once podcast will celebrate its second birthday, In the meantime, here's a quick peek into what the road ahead looks like for the podcast, its humble host, and our growing community. You can support the work of But Not All At Once via patreon.com/butnotallatonce, or by leaving five star reviews at tinyurl.com/butnotallatonce, sharing with your friends...

As the one-year mark of this pandemic (pandemonium/panda democracy/panini/Panera/Le Pain Quotidien) approaches, and in honor of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, here's a little chat about your body in a pandemic. Please excuse the tears and sniffles; it's not possible for me to discuss what we nearly lost when our daughter was a baby, or what I hope for her future, without choki...

It's been a minute since we caught up on the happenings of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Prince Harry and the former Meghan Markle. Let's dive into the Netflix, Spotify, Oprah, photo ops and patronage snubs of it all - and then the likelihood of baby Sussex #2 becoming both president of the United States and sovereign of the British Commonwealth. (Short version: that ain't happeni...

No one has it easy these days, and so often we feel we can’t be honest about that - particularly parents and non-parents to one another. How do we  voice what we feel and all we're truly carrying? Thanks for opening up at @butnotallatonce, and for trusting our community to support you even when what you're sharing is hard. I mean it when I say that better days are ahead, y'all. And...

This week's guest Is Luvvie Ajayi Jones, New York Times best-selling author and presenter of a viral Ted talk about speaking up even when the world demands we whisper. Luvvie's thoughts on impostor syndrome, conquering fear, doing what you love, and belonging In any room you enter will move you to reimagine your 2021. Find Luvvie at @luvvie across social platforms or awesomelyluvvie.com....

Welcome to season three of But Not All At Once! As with everything else about the last year, our opener is a bit different than anyone anticipated. Our community's overwhelming request for this week's episode was a pep talk: perhaps some commiseration, understanding, and encouragement for the days ahead. No matter how you feel or what you're doing to get by, you're going to hea...