Building a Better Dave

Today I talk about my wife having a fake heart attack, and how I can't read her mind.

Today I talk about voting and the queasiness it causes, and one of my students who understand American a lot better than I probably do.

Today I address my fake gay voice. OUr website is betterdave.com

Today we talk about how nothing seems to change no matter how much we scream BOO! I also talk about the two weekends I worked ina haunted School House

Today I provide my insights into the observation at the local football game. our website is betterave.com, support the show by going to supportthisshow.com

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Ah yes. Therapy. The lovely activity of paying someone insane amounts of money to have them tell you-you suck. You pay someone to basically watch you argue. We did, and at the end, he said, "I don't care if you use me or not, but if you don't change you guys are going to get divorced." He was blunt. He also dropped F-bombs on a regular basis and came across unprofessional. We found a lovely older...

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It's funny when you have young kids. How do they get your attention when they are hungry? They scream and cry. You can shake keys at them, put on Barney (or whatever the latest kid tv is), bounce them on your knee and NOTHING matters unless you solve their one problem: THEY'RE HUNGRY. This week my father was disgnosed with Colon cancer. It's a scary place to be and a scary situation to live throug...

I spent the weekend with a bunch of Humor Writer at the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. I had an absolute blast. I sat in on a session or two. One was lead by Jerry Zezima (Columnist and author of the book Leave it to Boomer ). I have a new appreciation for authors. I do my little stories with sounds and tone of voice. They have words, and only words. Jerry gave us an exercise to think about "the W...

I will turn 45 in a little less than two weeks (Feb 8th). I'm starting to feel like Andy Rooney. Looking back at my life here are some thoughts: Every phone had a chord on it. The phone RANG. There were no ring tones. Movies were about $5 and if you didn't see it at the movies you waited till it came on TV. There was no way to rewind or pause. If you had to do something you had to wait until a com...

Today I share a voicemail I got from a friend of mine Fred Castenada. He is a great guy, great entrepreneur, and has tons of experience. Fred is a Vietnam veteran. Now when I say Vietnam I don't mean the fun, wacky Vietnam you see in the movies with guys smoking cigs, and joking around in the jungle. Fred was and is the real deal. Fred was on the very front line, and live to tell when many of his...

Today I talk about a lovely trip to Chicago where we stop at a Burger King to get something to drink. When we go back to the to the car only to find our GPS missing. We noticed the homeless guy near my car, and like my GPS he was also gone. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that all homeless people are thieves, and con artists. You should donate to those organizations that help the homeless....

So where have I been? Well I got a job I hated, and now I have a job I love. Then the dog ate a whole box of Trix, and then a WHOLE chocolate cake, and then decided to throw up on the couch. It's been fun. The road to happily ever after has taken a new strange twist. I've had an urge to become a pastor for about 4 years (I occasionally fill in for the pastor), and to make a long story short, when...

Today I talk about the sport of having sex when you have children in the house. I also relive July 1972 when the Stones came to town. I wasn't allowed out because of the hippies. Most people talk about the oldest child having very strict parents, the youngest having it too easy (and getting spoiled) and of course the middle child getting lost in the shuffle. To me none of these apply. The child th...

Today we finish up with stories from my honeymoon. This time we relive the "relaxing" trip we had riding inner tubes down the little river in Pigeon Forge TN. We had a great time. We have the scars to prove it. We talk about scooter and his death defying dives, taking people out of the river, bees, deathly undertows, all for only $8 for the whole day.

Pancake House Diane (my wife) and I headed off for our honeymoon. Destination Pigeon Forge Tennessee. It was about a 9 hour drive and on the way we listened to the radio, and finally popped in an audio book about making your second marriage work. It helped pass the time, and kept us alert. We got to Tennessee and when we got to Pigeon Forge it looked like a hillbilly version of the Vegas strip. In...

Today I talk about a gift I got for Christmas. I'm going to be 45 in a few weeks, so I know I'm "Half way to dead." However, what does it say if someone gets you the clapper ? I mean the commercial shows some woman who sits up in bed and claps the light off. This woman looks, well, half way to dead. Now the interesting thing is, the clapper is a great GIFT. I mean IT ROCKS. The sad thing is I ende...

Today I come to you with the demented slant on Christmas music. This was caused by hearing the same 14 songs over and over. I mean I love Andy Williams, but not for four weeks straight. It turns out that while rock music is about Sex Drugs and Rock n Roll, Christmas music is the same. BONUS TOPIC: I also took my fiance's 15-year-old daughter driving for the first time in an abandoned Target parkin...

Today I talk about me popping the question last week to "The Nurse" and she made me very happy by saying yes. Today I talk about the absolute guys view to engagement ring shopping. There is a strange aerobic dance that women do when they put on a ring. She loves choices. I mean she LOOOOOVVVES choices, and I love that she loves choices. I am a very lucky man. We will be tying the knot on June 20,...

This show originates from www.betterdave.com Words are fun. I want to know who gets to decide when a word is officially a word. I was at a Cleveland Indians game and the other team had a guy named Chone Figgins . (his full name is Desmond DeChone Figgins ). Why do we name the first poo of a baby meconium If it's that special why don't we put it in a jar and sell it? Look at meconium fix this broke...

Normally I don't talk about things that involve other people, but this weekend I attended a great event. I went to a family reunion with the Nurse. I had a phenomenal time. First thing first this family takes the time once a year to get together and catch up. How cool is that? In a day when many people don't get along with their families, this one takes time to come from all over the place to get...

I lost my cousin Shawn Steinmetz this week. He was 33, and has two very young daughters. It was a freak bike accident. He was here a few weeks ago for my niece's graduation party, and now he's gone. I don't have all the details, and in reality, it doesn't matter. Hug your kids. Call your parents. Love the one your with. Speaking of Love... On the way to Podcamp Ohio the Nurse (my girlfriend) and I...

Today I introduce you to my new Great Nephew. He sure is little. It really drove home the point of how absolutely life-changing kids are. I can honestly say that at age 43 I'm glad I don't have this kind of responsibility that is soooo 24/7. I talk about how "The Countess" has made the "Show Choir." This scared me as if she had not made it, I would've been there for the meltdown, and I want the be...