Bottled Up: Help for families of alcoholics and those struggling with alcoholism

This episode explores one of the hardest aspects of living with a problem drinker: trying to protect your children. Drawing on their own family experiences, Lou once again talks with Ben and they discuss the fear, guilt and uncertainty of raising children alongside a problem drinker, balancing honesty with protection, and deciding when and how to explain addiction. They reflect on shielding childr...

In this second part, Lou and John talk to Ben about children, recovery and the lasting impact of addiction. Ben discusses protecting his children and deciding when to talk to them about their mother's drinking, and the difficult balance between shielding loved ones and confronting reality. He reflects on his wife's unexpected sobriety, his own struggles with anxiety, depression and complex PTSD, a...

In the first of a two-part special, Lou and John interview Bottled Up producer Ben about the early years of living with a partner's alcohol addiction. Ben describes the gradual realisation that something was wrong, the shock of discovering hidden alcohol, the confusion, fear and denial that followed. The conversation explores secrecy, broken trust, emotional isolation and trying to understand addi...

In this episode, Lou and John discuss one of the most painful aspects of alcoholism for families: denial, lies and broken trust. John explains that denial is not simply dishonesty but a genuine belief that alcohol is a solution rather than a problem and reflects on how he genuinely believed alcohol was helping him cope with anxiety, low self-esteem and emotional pain, making it difficult to recogn...

In this episode, John and Lou talk about anxiety when living with a problem drinker. They explain how the constant uncertainty drives hyper-vigilance, exhaustion and fear. Lou and John talk about practical ways to manage anxiety, including relaxation, exercise, nature, meditation, counselling and building supportive routines. John shares how the serenity prayer helped him cope with overwhelmi...

In this episode Lou and John talk about depression. They explore the difference between feeling sad and being clinically depressed, including the warning signs of exhaustion, hopelessness, isolation and losing interest in life. They discuss how suppressed emotions, especially anger, can turn inward and contribute to depression, and why talking honestly with others can break the sense of being alon...

Join Lou and John as they talk about the anger and frustration that can come from living with a problem drinker and advice on how to cope. Anger can happen for many reasons – trust is repeatedly betrayed, hope is dashed, promises broken, children are affected by a problem drinker's behaviour, family life suffers, resulting in partners and loved ones feeling powerless, confused and unheard. Anger s...

In this episode John and Lou answer your questions. They look at the question of talking to a person in denial about their drinking, the changes in a drinker, talking to teenage children about their parent's drinking. They also explore accepting somebody’s alcoholism whilst not condoning it, influencing your drinker in a positive way, and problem drinkers taking responsibility for their actions an...

Talking to a friend about their drinking can be very difficult. You may worry about upsetting them, damaging the friendship, or pushing them away entirely. Often you are also not in the strongest position as a friend – you may not have enough contact to influence as much as you would like, or you may not be able galvanise people into acting together. In this episode, John and Lou discuss how to ap...

Living with a binge drinker often feels impossible. It can leave you constantly on edge, scanning for the next crisis. You will probably experience hypervigilance and catastrophising as drinking cycles repeat unpredictably. In this episode Lou and John help you recognise the difference between real concerns and imagined fears, and encourage you to be kind to yourself. Lou talks of avoiding rehears...

In this episode Lou and John outline three key strategies to help change your life when living with an alcoholic. STOP doing things which don't work. START taking care of yourself. Get SUPPORT. These strategies will improve your life, they may also start to bring about change in your drinker. We know how tough it is, but it is possible, and these strategies work. Please be very clear that, at Bott...

In this episode, Lou and John talk about how to detach from your drinker. Detachment is essential to leading a more stable, healthy and happy life, even if your drinker's state is not improving. John and Lou explain how “learned helplessness” can trap you, making change feel impossible, and why detaching from a drinker's behaviour — not the person — breaks that cycle. Detachment helps you step bac...

We have said it before, but it needs repeating - you are not to blame for an alcoholic's drinking. Drinker's are adults who make their own decisions. But living with a problem drinker can cause you to search for answers, which result with you believing you are to blame. By blaming yourself you will probably feel ashamed – again you must not take on this burden. It destroys your confidence, your se...

Let the negatives happen. We've said it before, we'll say it again! It sounds counter intuitive to being a caring person who has spent a long time trying to cope with their drinker's addiction – and the all-consuming fallout. But if an alcoholic does not appreciate the negative consequences of their drinking then there is no reason for them to change. Think of it as tough love. In this episod...

You're not doing anything wrong, but STOP PLEADING with a drinker. It won't work for you as it will leave you hurt and emotionally exhausted. Pleading also leaves the drinker feeling even more guilty. This can actually drive them to drink more. A drinker doesn't need reminding of how bad they are, but actually the potential they have to be a good person. IN any other circumstances your behaviours...

In this new series Lou and John look at Stop Policing the drinker. One of the four Ps (Picking a fight, Punishing, Policing and Pleading). They do not work, so don't do them. If your words aren't getting through to a drinker, you may well take action. Through anxiety this action often comes in the form of Policing the drinking. Searching for alcohol around the house? Every family member has probab...

In a new series Lou and John look at Stop Punishing the drinker. It might be what you want to do and it is probably understandable! But, it will only cause an alcoholic to feel more ashamed and often assists them in justifying their drinking. Known as the four Ps, they are Picking a fight, Punishing, Policing and Pleading. They do not work, so don't do them. Please be very clear that, at Bottled U...

In this new series, Lou and John address the things you should never do with a drinker. First up, stop picking a fight with a problem drinker. You won't win, there could be unforeseen consequences for you and the drinker, and you will only feel worse about yourself. A new series in which John and Lou talk about the stopping doing things that don't work. Known as the four Ps, they are Picking a fig...

In this episode John talks to Lou about what he wishes he had known about the early stages of recovery. Lou and John explore John’s thirties as an “alcoholic motorway”: chaos everywhere, seemingly no exits, and denial hardened into identity. John recalls losing his marriage to drink, then ironically treating separation as permission to drink “like a gentleman” (he didn't). John shares the fear man...

In this episode of the series "What I wish I'd known", Lou talks to John as he reflects on the early indicators of his problem drinking. John describes how denial appeared as the belief he could change “tomorrow” — a tomorrow that never arrived. As his peers matured, he remained stuck, deliberately choosing environments where heavy drinking was normal. John explains how comparing himself to other...

In this episode in our new series "What I Wish I Had Known", Lou and John reflect on being married to a problem drinker and the painful dance which often takes place between the spouse and their partner as they try to navigate addiction. Lou shares how appealing to her husband’s love often furthered his guilt deepening his shame and triggered further bingeing. John explains that addiction is less...

In this episode Lou talks with John and reflects on what she wishes she’d known at the start of her relationship with her drinker. Lou and John discuss how early signs of problem drinking can be overlooked when falling in love. They explain the importance of addressing problem drinking as soon as possible, and the early love you feel gives you rare leverage to set boundaries. This episode encourag...

In this episode John and Lou answer your questions. They look at the question of not covering up for your drinker, retaining dignity and not making excuses. They also explore accepting somebody’s alcoholism whilst not condoning it, influencing your drinker in a positive way, and problem drinkers taking responsibility for their actions and behaviour. Please be very clear that, at Bottled Up we stro...

You may know that John was an alcoholic for many years. It has had a profound effect on his life. Now sober for more than 40 years John has written his autobiography "No Cloistered Life". It's a remarkable story, funny, moving, insightful and hugely inspiring, going from "drunk to a doctor" in a decade. No Cloistered Life is a memoir charting a course through addiction, recovery, and a search for...

Relapse is common. Whether you’re the family or friends of a problem drinker, or a person with an alcohol addiction, setbacks can be difficult to cope with. In this episode Lou and John talk about relapse, how to cope with them, how to look for the positives, and how you can learn from the setbacks, and progress is what you are looking for – not perfection. Please be very clear that, at Bottled Up...