Bold Becoming

If your culture doesn’t allow for showing weakness, if it’s one where you’re taught to be strong, pick your own self up, therapy’s not for us, and just keep going at all costs, sometimes you won’t even recognize when you have a problem. This is Leia’s story — a courageous, independent, strong-minded woman (and let’s not forget FUN!), who lost herself in abusive relationships and addiction. Still a...

When you conquer a brain tumor, you get to go on with your life. When you get a second one, life means something different. And if it leaves you with profound fatigue, you need radical acceptance to send your independent streak packing and get some help. Tenacity and faith hold things together for Joanne VanderVies as she cherishes her “second second chance.” She knows what’s important — relations...

Today we discuss how being a stay-at-home mom impacts Liz’s identity. She couldn’t go back to who she was pre-motherhood and, the sole role of motherhood wasn’t panning out for her. Motherhood caught Liz off guard with no fair warning of what it would be like nor the guidance she needed. It uprooted her from herself and left her in shock. Motherhood covered up the majority of who Liz was. She was...

“Sarah The Artist” lost her ability to do art and with it, her identity. After nearly two decades working as a successful professional artist, a relocation left her without the joy that inspired her muse. Trying to force the artistic process failed. For a couple of years she resisted giving into this defeat. After going down kicking and screaming, a lightbulb went off one day, illuminating her way...

Livia Rismondo, a 22-year-old Canadian citizen from a town of 200, went to Australia to backpack and have adventures. What she got was a 5+ year relationship with her identity rooted in another person, until the relationship ended, landing her in a dark place where she no longer knew who she was and didn't know how she got there. On her journey to becoming unrecognizable from that dark place she l...

A bonafide, virtually recovered codependent, separated from her husband after almost 3 decades with a man suffering from alcoholism, Tammy Roach is in transition. A car accident gave her a traumatic brain injury, persistent post concussive syndrome, and yanked away her old identity lock, stock and barrel, catapulting her into a new, luxurious identity that includes “Being Joy!!” Tammy’s had a few...

Bold Becoming gives people in identity crisis honest, positive talk about what's messy, what's real and what's next.  Music - Happy African Village by John Bartmann

Everyone can recognize unfairness. All it takes to see it is moving aside the layers of status beliefs. Those constructs protecting our privilege. Yet the status of “deserving" dictates how we use fairness. This castrates fairness. We do this with arbitrary "fairness" rules which exclude people for irrational reasons. Deserving and fairness intertwine in our psyche. This relationship comes from ev...

Perspective has the ability to turn the world upside down. Wars start over it. Divorces happen because of the power behind this word. Suicide robs lives because of this. This episode is about how I saved a 10-year dream by harnessing the power of shifting perspective. . Shifting perspective is one of the great saviors. It's available to all who choose, at any time. NOT shifting perspective is like...

How is putting together a puzzle for fun like real life? I found that out last night.  - Amazed at how I could have deep feelings over a simple game, I felt exhilaration and anxiety. Yep! Anxiety. I wasn't sure I had all the pieces. If one or some were missing, I'd spend more time putting it together, searching for something that didn't exist. Was it worth it??  - The process reminded me...

If not you, then who? If not me, then who? If you and I have access to power, if we have the luxury of being in a position where we get to make choices every day about what we can do with our lives, then we have the ability to help others. It's you and I who can influence others in profound ways, if we so choose. We can speak truth to power. We can call out abuse, corruption, and all the things th...

In life, there's pecking order. Then there are systems and circumstances that make pecking order pale in comparison. When we spend time getting to know the pain of others it helps us appreciate what we have. If you’ve any sense of boredom or feel a bit rudderless, go out and learn about others who struggle more than you. It's where many find purpose. They see that in comparison, there are others w...

How worth it is it to hang out with people who aren’t awesome? Okay, we don’t have to be awesome, and the real question is this. What do you do when someone disrespects you? And do you have a consistent way of defining and judging “disrespect”? On another topic, how do you handle it when your expectations of others disappoints you? Are you able to not let it get you down? One of the best ways of m...

Ever wonder why it's so hard to change? Our brain's neural pathways keep us thinking the same thoughts, even when we try not to. Even when we make behavioral changes, the brain’s a stubborn entity that isn't so quick to change :) Over time the brain can change and make new neural pathways. And it takes work. While thoughts may appear without our permission or planning, what we do with them is what...

No matter how independent you are, there's no getting around the fact that humans are communal beings. Given that, how many ways do you consciouisly set the stage for success by using the help of others?  And about deadlines, let me know in the comments how you set your deadlines when you're accountable to no one but yourself. I'll share with others and might just adopt some for myself! 

We're taught to wait our turn, to be picked, to get prepared before showing up. What if that's not the best choice? So much in life will pass us by following this advice. Seth Godin teaches us to choose yourself. I agree. Mrs. Wooster used to keep me in from recess for not raising my hand and speaking out. Eventually I learned to play by the rules. Then not only didn't I get a chance to speak, I g...

Many people hold back from investing in their future based on how they're doing in the moment. They say "I won't spend money on this course to give me shortcuts to where I'm headed because I already spent x-amount and haven't recovered that yet." Whatever we did in the past stays in the past. It's a sunk cost. It's irretrievable. If we make decisions based on the past and the present then we short...

Intuition has a way of putting the brakes on things. It also nudges us, persistently. How come so often we push these inner knowings aside? . What kinds of situations do you override your intuitive voice?  When you override intuition are there patterns, or is it all over the map? . I'm both a highly logical person and I also go with my gut. A lot of times I have to experience some pain or dis...

I'm a single mom of a 27 year old. Time evaporated. I have NO idea how childhood ended. . Cherish every long moment of this time with your children. Drop everything to make time to play with them. There’s no redoing it, only living it in the moment. . They need so much more from you than you have time and energy to give. Make a way to give it to them anyway. You can make money later. Let your stan...

Nike says “Just Do It!” I didn’t used to think that way. I’m detail oriented and love to plan. I’m a comprehensive type who leaves no stone unturned. Now I’m a proponent of the “Just Do It” crowd. I’m not saying not to aim for premium. What I’ve learned is that getting to premium before starting is impossible. And that hurts. And that hurt doesn't matter. Because I’m too old and life is too short...

Double the benefit by making better choices. We all know a lot of better choices and many of us regularly choose not to make these. Especially around self care. How often do you actually weigh out doubling the benefits? Or, doubling in the other direction? When we add up little choices over time, are we actually getting ahead? Or are we canceling out the good with the less good? P.S. Just heard on...

Today I felt like I came home. I'm over-the-moon happy about finding great meaning in my work. I made arrangements to help people in prison and I'm starting with Jerome. I'm going to send him a printed version of my transformative writing program - The Precious Moments . It's a way to rewrite life narratives and leave the past in the past. It’s a way to make better stories and feel better. This ha...

Nothing new here today - an ounce of prevention equals a pound of cure. So you tell me, if we all know this to be true, why's it so hard to choose the better payoff? Part of the answer might come from childhood. This is where we learned to settle. Because we had to. And to do this, we learned to handle our feelings so they didn't overpower us. Now as adults, does this previous coping mechanism com...

When do you give yourself permission to change your mind? For most of us, it often takes a few times before we learn a lesson. And once we learn something this influences our decisions. Yet what is it that makes us turn on our own best laid plans? Let's explore this troubling question. We don't have answers, but atleast we'll name what's going on.

Why is it our duty to work towards personal happiness? Generally, when you feel better you act better. It's easier to be considerate of others. The world needs people to stive to feel better because there's a saying "A rising tide lifts all boats." Everyone who feels good doesn't always do good. On the otherhand, when those of us with kind and generous hearts feel better then we have more to give....