Beyond the Facade with Choose Recovery Services

Why don’t you and your partner agree on “what really happened”? In early recovery, trauma, shame, and denial collide — creating two completely different versions of reality that both feel true. Luke explains: • Trauma logic & worst-case thinking • Denial fog & fragmented memory • Why accuracy evolves in recovery • How to validate without agreeing • The 3-part integrity check that rebuilds...

How do you recover when the person you love has betrayed you? Author Michelle Mays (LPC, CSAT-S) joins Luke Gordon to explore The Betrayal Bind — the painful paradox of needing the very person who hurt you. Discover how attachment theory, betrayal trauma, and nervous system science explain what happens after infidelity and how both partners can rebuild trust. Topics include: The three wounds of be...

Ever notice how defensiveness shows up even when your intentions are good? In this episode, Luke Gordon reveals why defensiveness is a biological protection strategy — not a moral failure — and how to shift it into connection. You’ll learn: Why your nervous system reacts before you do How empathy changes the way truth lands The four-step shift: Pause, Name, Acknowledge, Respond How to rebuild emot...

Ready to move beyond “checking the boxes” in recovery? In this powerful conversation, Luke Gordon and Isy Williams, coaches with Choose Recovery Services, explore the turning point when betrayal trauma recovery and sexual addiction recovery shift from something you do to something you live . Through personal stories and hard-won wisdom, they share how emotional healing, integrity, and authentic co...

Ever notice how the harder you try to get everything right, the more isolated and empty you feel? This week Luke unpacks perfectionism not as a personality flaw, but as a survival strategy—a shield we use to avoid shame and rejection.  Drawing on Brené Brown's work and his own recovery journey, he explores why we chase an impossible standard and what it costs us in connection, authenticity, an...

What if claiming you’ve shared everything with your partner is actually sabotaging your recovery? In this eye-opening episode, Luke explains why the statement “I’ve told you everything is so damaging.  He reveals how recovery works in layers, why humility trumps certainty, and how acknowledging what you don’t know yet actually builds more trust than claiming you know it all. Watch the episode on Y...

Are you beating yourself up in the name of accountability and in the process accidentally blocking the very change you’re after? This week Luke challenges the myth that shame leads to transformation, sharing a powerful D-Day story where his self-loathing actually prevented him from hearing his partner’s pain.  He breaks down why self-compassion isn’t about escaping accountability; it’s what makes...

Why is it so hard for a betrayed partner to see the positive changes you’ve made? This week Luke is again joined by Alana Gordon (LMFT, co-owner and founder of Choose Recovery Services, and president of APSATS) and together they delve into the complexities of betrayal trauma healing. Listen in as Luke gives a powerful analogy of hiking with a mountain lion to explain the brain’s constant search fo...

Are you struggling to know what real recovery and change looks like? This week Alana Gordon (LMFT, co-owner and founder of Choose, and president of APSATS) is back to continue the discussion about red flags and green flags when it comes to recovery. Listen in to hear about boundaries, lifestyle shifts, and empathy.  Learn to identify toxic patterns, embrace healthy changes, and cultivate deep empa...

Are you truly in recovery, or are you just performing? This week Luke welcomes Alana Gordon to the podcast (LMFT, co-owner and founder of Choose, and president of APSATS). Together they explore the difference between surface-level recovery and authentic transformation in this no-holds-barred conversation.  They reveal the green flags and red flags that separate real healing from going through the...

Do you feel like since the betrayal, your relationship with your partner is like a house you are carefully trying to rebuild and your partner often comes in with a sledgehammer to “test the walls”? This week Luke explores why this might happen and what that means for healing. This episode may completely shift how you view conflict in your relationships. Listen to learn: The House Analogy - why you...

When you’re in recovery but nothing seems to be helping your relationship, it can feel like you’re powerless to create real change. This week Luke welcomes Isy Williams (fellow Choose Recovery Services coach) and together they reveal what betrayed partners are actually looking for (and it’s not perfection!). Listen to learn:  The difference between consistency and perfection How to shift from exte...

Do you ever wonder why you keep repeating the same destructive patterns despite wanting to change? This week Luke tackles a huge question in recovery: Do we actually have free will, or is everything predetermined by our past trauma and brain chemistry? This isn't just philosophical debate—it's about understanding what actually needs to be in place for real transformation to happen. What You'll Lea...

You know the recovery scripts by heart, but when your partner is triggered, it still feels performative and hollow. Sound familiar? In this powerful episode, Luke welcomes Hali Roderick (fellow Choose To Be coach) and Tim, a participant from the recent Help Her Heal Men’s Intensive. Tim shares how somatic work and community vulnerability can crack open the shells we've built around our hearts,...

Ever wondered why certain behaviors feel impossible to break, even when you desperately want to change? In this eye-opening episode, Luke and guest Laura Fisher dive deep into the hidden world of attachment wounds and how childhood experiences shape our adult relationships and coping mechanisms.  You'll discover why recovery isn't a destination but an ongoing journey—like walking up a down...

Do you find yourself thinking that being tough on yourself is the key to growth? It’s not! This week Luke dismantles seven common myths about self-compassion and reveals how being kinder to yourself can fuel real change, recovery, and connection. Listen to discover: Why self-compassion strengthens accountability How self-compassion is a strength, not a weakness How self-compassion in moments of fa...

How quickly can someone go from noticing to fantasizing? This week Luke answers a listener’s question about how the brain processes attraction and the resulting sexual response. Get answers to these three questions: How quickly can someone go from noticing to fantasizing? Where does the three-second rule fit into the brain sexual response cycle? Is it okay to acknowledge that someone is attractive...

How do you make decisions when you’re not sure you can trust your emotions? This week Luke welcomes Sy Bee back to resume their discussion from last week. They continue exploring the differences between emotionally-based and values-based decisions. Tune in to hear: Sy’s personal experiences of triumphs and failures What is meant by “shadow emotions” The dangers of letting your inner child drive yo...

Ever wonder why your brain tells you to quit long before you actually need to? In this powerful episode, Luke and fellow Choose Recovery Services coach Sy Bee discuss how doing hard things can transform your recovery and help you discover your authentic self.  You'll learn why physical challenges aren't just about fitness, but about building unshakeable confidence that no one can take away...

What’s the difference between noticing and objectifying? This week Luke welcomes guest Stephen Thomas (fellow coach at Choose Recovery Services). Their conversation will challenge your perspective on what healthy sexuality looks like and reveal the hidden costs of reducing people to their physical appearance.  Learn: The crucial difference between noticing attractiveness and objectifying someone H...

Are you confused about whether your partner can help you in your healing journey or if you need to do it alone? This powerful episode breaks down the myth that it's an either/or situation. This week Luke shares an episode he did with Alana Gordon on the Choose To Be podcast . Together they dive deep into the three essential ways partners can support healing—emotional availability, accountabili...

Have you followed all the recommended steps in your recovery yet still feel stuck? This week Alana Gordon (LMFT, betrayal trauma coach, and Director at Choose Recovery Services) joins Luke, and together they dive into the importance of somatic healing.  Discover how addressing the trauma stored in your body can transform everything about your recovery journey. Chapters 01:10 Welcoming Alana Gordon...

How does entitlement fuel betrayal in relationships? This week Luke welcomes therapist Hope Ray (LPC, CSAT, CHFP, CCPS) to explore how entitlement impacts relationships and fidelity.  They discuss the D.I.R.E. model and how overcoming old programming is key to rebuilding trust and authenticity in partnerships.  Learn more about Hope at https://www.hoperay.com/ Chapters 01:23 Introducing Hope Ray 0...

Do you feel like you're never enough? This week Luke shares a transformative moment in therapy that reshaped his healing journey, addressing the deep-rooted belief of insufficiency.  Learn how to recognize and fill the internal void, and discover the keys to nurturing your authentic self through heartfelt honesty, compassion, and persistent growth. This episode offers a powerful invitation to...

Are you struggling to rebuild trust after betrayal? This week Luke welcomes Hali Roderick to the podcast. Hali is a coach at Choose Recovery Services , co-host of the podcast Choosing to Stay After Infidelity and Betrayal , and she hosts our free monthly webinar, Road to Recovery .  Luke and Hali debunk common myths about relational healing and emphasize the importance of creating safety and stabi...