Beneath the Behavior: Supporting Neurodivergent Kids With Science, Not Shame

Co-regulation is one of those parenting terms that gets repeated often—but rarely explained in a way that actually helps in real moments. If you’ve ever stayed calm during your child’s meltdown and wondered why it didn’t seem to help, or felt pressure to “be regulated enough” to fix the situation, this episode is for you. In this episode, Dr. Mark Bowers explains what co-regulation actually is fro...

Meltdowns. Refusal. Shutdowns. If you’re parenting a neurodivergent child, these moments can feel confusing, exhausting, and deeply personal. In this episode, pediatric psychologist Dr. Mark Bowers teaches one foundational reframe that can change how you see your child and how you respond in hard moments: All behavior is communication. Instead of viewing behavior as defiance, manipulation, or “bad...

“We’ve tried everything, and nothing sticks.” If that thought feels familiar, this episode is for you. In this episode, pediatric psychologist Dr. Mark Bowers explains why so much mainstream parenting advice fails neurodivergent kids — and why that failure is not a reflection of your effort, consistency, or love. Most popular strategies are built on hidden assumptions about motivation, regulation,...

If you’ve ever thought, “Nothing is teaching my kid,” this episode is for you. Many parents of neurodivergent kids spend their days correcting, explaining, setting consequences, and trying again — only to face the same hard moments over and over. It can leave you wondering whether your child is learning at all, or whether you’re failing them somehow. In this episode, pediatric psychologist Dr. Mar...

If you’ve ever wondered whether your child is being defiant — or felt guilty about how you’ve responded — this episode is for you. Many parents of neurodivergent kids are told (directly or indirectly) that their child won’t behave, won’t listen, or won’t try. Over time, that story can lead to stricter discipline, more punishment, and a lot of shame — even when nothing seems to help. In this episod...

Parents of neurodivergent kids hear it all the time:  “They know better.” And when the behavior keeps happening, that phrase quietly turns into blame—toward the child or toward the parent. In this episode, pediatric psychologist Dr. Mark Bowers unpacks why knowing what to do isn’t the same as being able to do it, especially for neurodivergent kids whose executive functioning skills are still devel...

If you’ve ever found yourself in a power struggle with your child and wondered, How did we get here again? —this episode is for you. Escalation rarely starts with the “big” behavior. It often begins with something small: a transition, a request, a tone, a moment of disappointment. And suddenly, both you and your child are overwhelmed. In this episode, pediatric psychologist Dr. Mark Bowers explain...

In this first episode, pediatric psychologist Dr. Mark Bowers introduces the purpose and approach of Beneath the Behavior . If parenting feels harder than you expected—confusing, exhausting, or isolating—you’re not alone. Many parents of neurodivergent kids try everything they’re told to do and still feel like they’re missing something. In this episode, we slow things down and talk about why so mu...

Meltdowns and tantrums often look similar on the outside—but what’s happening underneath is very different. In this episode, pediatric psychologist Dr. Mark Bowers explains why confusing meltdowns with tantrums leads to so much unnecessary blame, escalation, and exhaustion for parents of neurodivergent kids. We’ll talk about what regulation actually means, why punishment doesn’t work during meltdo...