Basic Snitches

Chapter 24: Rita Skeeter's Scoop - This chapter is basically just a reminder that Rita Skeeter and Malfoy are trash humans. Percy and unicorns are BFFs. Ron should never cross the giant Squid. Oh, and suddenly Hogwarts has substitute teachers... Professor Grubbly-Plank > Snape *Bring in the dancing lobsters.

Chapter 23: The Yule Ball Stephen is here! We discuss gift giving, why Ravenclaws are (often) assholes (again), and the drama of being a teenager. If you're heterosexual, it's fine- but don't be a straight person .

Chapter 22: The Unexpected Task. Chinese cookies are harsh, man.

Chapter 21: The House Elf Liberation Front - We are renaming every book in this series as "Harry Potter and that Time He Didn't Get Dead". Honestly, I think they'd still sell 🤷‍♀️ We get to see Dobby again! Yay! Also, Crouch sucks.

Literally just here to ask what you all want to hear us do for our 100th episode... 😁

Chapter 20: The First Task. There are DRAGONS!!! Does anything else matter

Chapter 19: The Hungarian Horntail... We drink lots of wine in this episode. We found some snacks to go with the wine. Anyway, Harry is stressed and grouchy, which we don't blame him for. Tara and Adam are also stressed and grouchy...because they live in this world 🤷‍♀️

Chapter 18: The Weighing of the Wands. Time for dick jokes, friends... literally, that's the whole episode. You're welcome?

Chapter 17: The Four Champions - Apparently Crouch and Bagman are the same person...Snape is around for no reason... AGAIN...and Gambon-dore does not understand what calm is.... Guys, Hogwarts is a mess and wizards need lawyers.

Chapter 16: The Goblet of Fire Brian is back! Look, we like to give the fans what they want and we know that what you want is MORE BRIAN! So this book has lots of cups in it. Guess how FMK goes...

Chapter 15: Beauxbatons and Durmstrang- Basically this episode is about how amazing Madame Maxime is... I guess we talk about other stuff...but mostly Qwen Maxime..

Chapter 14: The Unforgivable Curses- Adam starts us out with a little vampin'...we discuss school curriculum, Fake Moody's intentions and we FMK the unforgivable curses.

Chapter 13: Mad-Eye Moody- Tune in for some classy correspondence with Stephen and Ashley... also Professor Sprout is basically the best.

Chapter 12: The Tri-Wizard Tournament- We're finally back at Hogwarts! Yay! Also quidditch is gone. Yay! Adam makes an appearance and Tara gets mad at a hat.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Start 2021 right with a Basic Snitches adaptation of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban! With special guest, Brian O. Jackson.

As told by Adam and Tara, our Christmas gift to you. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets as told by us. Featuring special guest, Stephen Ostertag.

Chapter 11: Aboard the Hogwarts Express- Normal stuff happens and we go to Hogwarts. Also, we never got our tacos. 😡

Chapter 10: Mayhem at the Ministry- We’re tired, honest and fun. And fine. Taking pictures of cats is just part of Tara’s personality. This is No Pants part II Adam rudely compares Tara to Draco. Also we get Hermione vs Percy over Winky’s treatment at the World Cup and our girl is AWESOME. Rita Skeeter, however, isn’t WRONG for the most part, but she still a bitch. We continue to dig on the Minist...

Chapter 9: The Dark Mark- Adam tries to tell Tara how to do winner and loser, AGAIN...we have margaritas and tacos and no pants energy! Post Quidditch World Cup sportsing fun, Tara attempts a clever twist on a chapter summary and Adam is not impressed More of Draco being an asshole and Crouch being suspicious in this chapter. We also discuss whether or not the Death Eaters had planned their tortur...

Chapter 8: The Quidditch World Cup- Family vacation- do not recommend. Tomorrow is Adam’s birthday!!! Send wine to his house...also, it’s Thanksgiving eve, so enjoy having a kind-of excuse to eat all the carbs tomorrow...ANYWAY, that’s not what this episode is about.  So, in the episode, we talk about sports and we know SO MUCH about sports...there are fouls and sports terms and all that. ….so buc...

Chapter 7: Bagman and Crouch- A lot of world building discussion in this episode...along with the introduction of important and not so important mentioned characters. How does the ministry actually function with these idiots running the show? Seriously, what a fucking mess. Also, we continue our deep analysis of Percy Weasley (How does this keep happening?). We learn that Slovenia is 568 miles fro...

Chapter 6: The Portkey- Warning: TARA WILL STEAL YOUR BISCUITS! But not your man...because she is just an innocent potato. Intro to portkeys...so, what piece of garbage would Adam be if he were a portkey? Major Cedric love in this episode. Also, we do not fuck. Thanks.

Chapter 5: Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes- Even bitches can say nice things to other bitches.  Don't worry, we had wine for this. Even though he's annoying, we give Percy some sympathy for being the loner of the fam. Ginny is awesome and she and Ron have all the great one-liners this chapter. Adam brings the witchy bullshit. GET READY.

Chapter 4: Back to the Burrow- Welcome to us being predictable. Tara is serious way too early in this book. Also, the internet isn't for everyone. PS. Having rights does not mean you can do whatever you want. So...yeah.

Chapter 3: The Invitation- Hoarding cake in your bedroom is super relatable...right? Dudley has no time to be a dick in this book. Also Sassy Harry is HERE! Hey mailman, MIND YA BUSINESS!  Being Hedwig must be exhausting. Shoutout to Abby for emailing us and for your awesome divination insight!