Bare Marriage

Send us Fan Mail Talking to your kids about sex & puberty is awkward! And over the years the church has made some big mistakes. Today we talk about how to avoid the biggest ones--and some encouragement for how to do this with as little awkwardness as possible. OUR SEX AND PUBERTY COURSE: Check out our revamped version of The Whole Story--our sex and puberty course for parents to share with kid...

Send us Fan Mail We aren’t going to fix the abuse crisis in the church until we deal with the underlying beliefs that actually enable abuse. Today Kristin Kobes Du Mez joins us to talk about her new documentary For Our Daughters, which shows how beliefs about gender, power and politics that are rampant in the church actually contribute to abuse. And Pastor Trey Ferguson joins us to comment on a re...

Send us Fan Mail We know purity culture hurt so many of us. But how do we actually move on and recover from purity culture? Today Dr. Camden Morgante joins us to look at the 5 myths of purity culture, and how to heal and get to the other side! OUR FREE WEBINAR! Join Rebecca and me as we host Camden for a FREE webinar looking more into these myths, where we find them, and where we go from here! It&...

Send us Fan Mail Ever heard the stat from “a recent study” that found that, when a husband comes to Christ first, in 93% of cases the wife and kids follow, but when the wife comes to Christ first, it’s only 17%? Today Beth Allison Barr and Miranda Zapor Cruz, both academics looking into gender relations in church, join me to try to track down the source. Spoiler alert: People seem to have made thi...

Send us Fan Mail We're all about healthy advice for marriage and sex. But what if evangelical teachings around parenting have also been messed up? And how can we parent in a healthy way? David and Amanda Erickson join us to talk about their new book The Flourishing Family, based on Scripture, brain science, attachment theory, and more. THIS is how we should parent! OUR SPONSOR Ever, AJ : Uniq...

Send us Fan Mail The evangelical world has an orgasm gap of 47 points between husbands and wives. Only 48% of women orgasm almost always or always, and 33% orgasm never or rarely. The good news is that if you're in that 33%--you can still get to the 48%! Today Rebecca and I look back at all the other episodes we've talked about orgasms, and have a great time discussing how we can learn t...

Send us Fan Mail We know it’s not all men who are predators. But it’s far too many. And a recent horrible court case in France is reminding women all over the world that far too many men are willing and eager to do the unthinkable. The only way to tell who is safe is to look at their words and their actions. And the words of far too many evangelical leaders and authors and pastors are straight up...

Send us Fan Mail It’s a complete therapy session—in one book and one podcast! Dr. Merry Lin joins us to explain why we so often feel stuck—and how to move forward. If you’ve been confused by terms like trauma, attachment theory, the Stone Age brain, and more, Dr. Merry Lin joins us for a primer that can help us get unstuck—and rebecome who we were meant to be! TO SUPPORT US Join our Patreon for as...

Send us Fan Mail  What does it look like to actually grow like Christ? Like, not from a sermon, or not from some lofty retreat, but just in the here and now? Can we actually grow “holier”? A beautiful conversation with Karen Stiller, author of the book Holiness Here. We tackle envy, joy, contentment—and even grief, as she shares about processing the death of her husband. TO SUPPORT US Join our Pat...

Send us Fan Mail Sheila and Rebecca are answering your questions today! We covered how to find a new church when you feel like church has let you down; how to start your sex life well; what to do when people don’t think purity culture was harmful; and so much more! And we throw data and nuance into the mix too. HELP US OUT AFTER THE HACKING! Please follow OUR NEW FACEBOOK PAGE If you see a Faceboo...

Send us Fan Mail What if you discovered that marriage books like The Excellent Wife actually follows Steve Hassan's BITE model of cult indoctrination? And what if these marriage books were giving advice that mirrored coercive control? Bare Marriage podcast, episode 246, featuring Bethany Jantzi. Bethany did her thesis on coercive control, and today she shows us how these books use methods lik...

Send us Fan Mail The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace sells like hotcakes in biblical counseling/ fundamentalist/ homeschooling circles, and even though it seems like a “fringe” book, it’s affecting tens of thousands of women. Today Marissa Burt and Tia Levings and I sit down to talk about the problems with this book that tells women they must obey their husbands and submit—no matter what. Our Spons...

Send us Fan Mail She went to a flagship SBC church. She wasn’t supposed to get sucked into fundamentalism. But Tia ended up being stuck in an abusive marriage, trying to fix things by following advice from Gothard and more. It made her sick. It made her hopeless. But finally she realized, no one else is going to rescue us. I have to do this for me and the kids. And she did. Her story is riveting,...

Send us Fan Mail The evangelical church spends a lot of time giving modesty messages to girls. But we hardly ever talk about vanity--even though the Bible condemns it. Could it be that in all our talk about modesty, we're inadvertently promoting vanity? And perhaps we can't call out vanity, because our messages to boys essentially enable vanity. Join Rebecca and Sheila as we hash this on...

Send us Fan Mail Ever heard people say, "The Bible is crystal clear" or "if you don't believe that, you don't believe the Bible?" Quite often people equate their interpretation of the Bible with the Bible itself--with bad results. Today Scott Coley joins us to talk about his new book Ministers of Propaganda, and to look at how many evangelical leaders have used logica...

Send us Fan Mail What if the church hurt you terribly? Can you still heal? Today Ryan George joins us to talk about how his fundamentalist family covers up his father’s sexual abuse of others—and how Ryan eventually learned the truth and turned his father in. And then Ryan deconstructed so much of what he had been taught—and found the real Jesus. Join us as Ryan George talks about his book Hurt an...

Send us Fan Mail What happens when your family gets sucked into fundamentalism, and your father insists on controlling your life, including who you will marry? You grow up under Christian patriarchy, and you experience serious emotional abuse. Today Cait West joins us to talk about her absolutely beautiful memoir Rift, about how and why she had to break free. Then Keith and I talk about why people...

Send us Fan Mail People who deconstruct are often accused of never believing in the first place, or of just wanting to sin. But those who deconstruct are often those who have been hurt the most by toxic teachings. Today Sarah McCammon joins us to talk about who are “ex-vangelicals”, and her own story of deconstruction. And then Keith and I talk about what it means to create a safe and just communi...

Send us Fan Mail Why is a frequenty-used book in teen girls' Bible studies focusing on Satan and not Jesus? A deep dive into the book Lies Young Women Believe by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and Dannah Gresh. Let's see what is being taught to teen girls--and why it's so problematic. We can do better, church! Get our Downloadable One Sheet of the problems with the book Lies Young Women Bel...

Send us Fan Mail  Every Father’s Day, there’s a rallying cry in many conservative evangelical spaces that men are losing out and fathers are under attack. Where’s the truth in this? And what are the problems with talking about marriage like this? Plus we rewrite Harrison Butker’s commencement speech! Thanks to our sponsor, the book The Sex Talk You Never Got by Sam Jolman   And listen to our inter...

Send us Fan Mail What if purity culture didn’t just steal sexual health from women, but stole it from men too? What does it mean for a man to have healthy sexuality? Today licensed counselor Sam Jolman joins us for The Sex Talk You Never Got. To Support Us: Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative...

Send us Fan Mail Evangelical conservatives too often portray masculinity as if men are supposed to be the “Alpha male”—aloof, emotionless, vying for control, and bullying. Today we look at how, even in nature, this concept of the Alpha Male has been overblown. And we present a better picture. To Support Us: Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work For tax deductible donatio...

Send us Fan Mail Church is messy. Friendships are hard to find. Life in a fishbowl is awkward. But what if…it’s worth it? Such a great convo with Stephanie, Jessica, and Jenna about their new book Pastors’ Wives Tell All! Whether you're a pastors' wife, or a female pastor yourself, living life in a fishbowl can be hard. We talk about parenting, marriage, and finding friends when you&apos...

Send us Fan Mail With the release of so many books critiquing purity culture, what has the backlash been like? Well, let’s talk about it with Zachary Wagner, the author of Non-Toxic Masculinity as we celebrate the one-year anniversary of the launch of She Deserves Better . To Support Us: Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work For tax deductible donations in the U.S., supp...

Send us Fan Mail We've got such a compelling interview with Lauren Rose from Called to Peace Ministries. She's telling her story--and it's a mesmerizing one--of what happened as her family got more and more into the Bill Gothard movement (and she was eventually one of the ones he allegedly abused, and was part of the lawsuit). But when you grow up feeling like your main role is to s...