Authorized Novelizations Podcast

Never meet your heroes, man. Specifically, never meet your heroes' asexual parent that resides on a Botany Planet where no one is ever allowed to be sad. This week on Authorized, Mark Stay returns to follow E.T. back to his home, The Green Planet.  Unfortunately, E.T.'s like that one girl I went to private high school with who just keeps transferring schools over and over. He is immediately h...

He's BAAAAAAAaaaaaack. Wrong movie, but whatever. This week on Authorized, we continue our new trend of reading a second novelization of a movie we've already covered; this time it's William Kotzwinkle's iconic novelization of E.T. the Extra Terrestrial! We're joined by author Mark Stay to discuss E.T.'s plant whispering, his benevolent  healing of overseas miners, and mostly how unforgivably...

Holy Second Novelization, Batman! Today on Authorized, we cover another, yes ANOTHER!, of the 1997 classic, Batman & Robin. Paxton Holley is back to discuss both the novelization and also whether the Authorized crew will ever allow him to cover a novelization of a different movie. Will Paxton escape the endless loop of Schumacher?! Only time will tell. Next week on Authorized: Mark Stay joins...

Like some sort of fractured, abstracted art film, Sisterhood 2 is here to tell us four distinct stories that really don't intersect at all. But hey, it's fun for the three hosts of Authorized to just hang out! We definitely discover that we are a better Sisterhood than the Pants one. We actually care about each other, for one! Next week on Authorized: Paxton Holley returns to talk a DIFFERENT nove...

To conclude our series on Friday the 13th's Crystal Lake series, we read The Mask of Jason Voorhees, the final, unpublished entry in the series. We're joined by audiobook narrator Josh LaRue as well as the author himself, William Pattison a.k.a. Eric Morse. Lots of good stuff in this one. Jason gets in a fight in a town square in broad daylight. Check Out William's Books here: https://wcpenterpris...

We all watched a movie we didn't want to- for CONTENT. But really, Overbye did read the junior novelization and it's decent. The movie? Years off our lives. Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/authorizedpod Instagram: instagram.com/authorizedpod

It's revenge of the nerd this week on Authorized. Forget The Hunter, Big Red, or Mitch Devers: This week Jason Voorhees' mask is taking a scrawny bullied teen and hulking him the heck out. We're joined by returning guest Annie Kelly to discuss haunted mechanical bats, cheating spouses and Jason copycats. Also, Hannah isn't here for the first time since Gremlins, so all of Overbye's worst opinions...

In celebration of Jurassic World: Dominion, we're reading another Jurassic Park 3: Jurassic Park 3! Join us as we discuss feather placement on raptors and basically write slash fanfic for Alan Grant and Billy. Also, Marco and Overbye read Jurassic Park: Survivor, a book detailing how Eric Kirby survived his eight weeks on Isla Sorna. Thematic resonance between these two volumes abounds. Follow us...

The Carnival has come to Crystal Lake, and unsurprisingly, it's not very chill. We're joined by returning guest John Goodman of Exit Interview to discuss possessed Jason dogs, evil wax figures, and way too much inexplicable predatory behavior towards minors. Our third outing at Camp Crystal Lake is the most divisive yet- It's nice to have Overbye and Hannah back at odds. Check out John's podcast E...

Ponds...they're not great at keeping things locked up. Join us this week as we discuss the story of Big Red, a fisherman who snares the mask of Jason Voorhees and turns pretty mean! We're joined by Matt Dartnell, who, like everybody else on this show, knows way more about this series than Overbye and actually gets what's going on. Must be nice!  Follow Matt on Letterboxd: https://letterboxd.com/ma...

Well, well, well. Look what all those little crumbs lead you to.  Welcome to the first miniseason of Tertiary Tomes! We're tackling the five Camp Crystal Lake spinoff books that filled The Dead Years of the Friday the 13th series. We talk about whether Jason should have a gun, whether this series works as a book, and we say Boone approximately two thousand times. It's good to be back. Follow us on...

Did you know that sometimes new stuff is based on old stuff? On the final CRUMB before our Friday the 13th mini-season, we're joined again by Max Fitzpatrick to discuss the 1965 television series The Wild Wild West. Specifically, we tackle the pilot (boo!) and the season 2 episode The Night of the Green Terror (Yay!). We're obsessed with Jim West and Miguelito Loveless, and a bit unclear on what e...

Okay, one more CRUMB on junior novelizations. We saved the worst for last! Today we tackle The Emoji movie and all its upsetting implications. Follow us on Twitter: twitter.com/authorizedpodInstagram: instagram.com/authorizedpod

Okay, at this point, what even is a CRUMB? This episode is 1 hour 50 minutes. Oh well. Today on Authorized, we're joined by Mike Duquette, purveyor of novelization newsletter Hollywood and Spine, to discuss Terry Collins' 20-year anniversary junior novelization of E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial. This Collins guy...takes liberties! It's a fun read. Check Out Hollywood and Spine! : https://tinyletter.c...

The Cheetah Girls are going to Hollywood! Er, we mean Bollywood. Also, we barely talk about this book and movie. It's fairly unremarkable! Instagram: instagram.com/authorizedpod

Cheetah Girls 1 filled us with despair, but Cheetah Girls 2 is actually a movie. It's pretty good, friends. Instagram: Instagram.com/authorizedpod

It was a mistake to try to talk about all of High School Musical in a Crumb! We are BRIMMING with HSM thoughts. We're joined by actor Allie Freed to try to encapsulate these modern classics.  Follow us on Twitter: twitter.com/authorizedpod Instagram: instagram.com/authorizedpod

Well, wouldn't you know that ANOTHER major event in American history involved a heretofore undiscovered stash of treasure? On a special BONUS Authorized, costume technician Annie Ulrich talks with us about the riveting sequel to National Treasure. From the Lincoln assassination to pitching potential National Treasure 3 premises, we're all over the place. Honestly, we spend a ton of the episode tal...

Did you know there's THIRTY Cheetah Girls books? There are. Seriously. Anyway, instead of talking about one of those, we're talking about the junior novelization of the first movie. It's nothing special. Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/authorizedpod Instagram: Instagram.com/authorizedpod

On today's CRUMB, we revisit Quentin Tarantino's Once Upon A Time in Hollywood to check out the 60 pages of bonus content in the Deluxe Hardcover. It's fun, it's funny. Truly the artwork is beautiful! Good to see our friends Rick and Cliff again. Follow us on Twitter: twitter.com/authorizedpod Instagram: instagram.com/authorizedpod

Emma Stone eat your heart out (We know what this phrase means now!). It's the junior novelization of a truly deranged film!  Follow us on Twitter: twitter.com/authorizedpod Instagram: instagram.com/authorizedpod

Welcome to No Man's Land, the space between Authorized seasons. This week we'll be keeping ourselves in your mind by ranking the Season 2 novelizations, as well as discussing some other entertainment-related questions. Which novelizations were good? Which were bad? God, I hope this isn't anyone's first episode. Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/authorizedpod Instagram: Instagram.com/authorizedpod

Forget dark and gritty reboots, sad and emo reboots are in. Today on a bonus Authorized, we discuss the most exhausted, scrawny Bruce Wayne yet. And we love him. Seriously, though, what is the deal with the cop from the episode photo? Max Fitzpatrick joins; we're thrilled to have him! Follow us on Twitter: twitter.com/authorizedpod Instagram: Instagram.com/authorizedpod

In Authorized's Season 2 finale, we're joined by author and Next Picture Show host Keith Phipps to discuss the oddity that is Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. We talk the boons of the serial genre (it's cool as hell), as well as its nostalgia for old-timey sexism. Ultimately, we pine for more adventures with our cool friends Sky Captain and Polly Perkins. Pre-Order Keith's Nicolas Cage book...

Okay, we may have a stinker this week. Overbye had never seen a Brosnan Bond film, and he watched all four in preparation for the Die Another Day novelization. This series...peaks early. From the terrible double entendres, to the weird twist regarding ethnicity, this one's rough, and the book doesn't fare much better. We're not a Bad Movies Podcast, but every once in a while you gotta call a spade...