Atomic Heart

107 - We are slowly recovering from the festivities of the new lunar year where snakes have been characterized in all sorts of lovable manners. Despite exhaustion we continue to show up even late at night. Today's featured poets are as follows~ // I begin to make of my life a meditation, the life I tried to rid myself of for so long -- even as a fly on the windowsill scrubs its face with brisk...

106 - Atom reads Rilke again, exactly five years on. Five years ago, I moved into this building with aspirations of writing a book like this. Today, the book is finished. // There is no measuring with time, not even a year matters, and ten years are nothing. To be an artist means: to neither reckon nor count; to ripen like the tree, which does not rush its sap, and stands firm in the storms of spr...

105 – This edition commemorates five years since the day I uploaded audio to this podcast channel for the very first time. This audio blog began in early 2020. Its earliest episodes were recorded in my studio which, at the time, was on the fifth floor of Mei Ho House with a wide window facing the colourful Block 22 on the opposite side of Pak Tin Street. Today’s featured poets are as follows~ // ....

104 – It feels as if I’m dreading the countdown to graduation. I know the pain will lessen once I’m out of here but it’s also possible it goes away by me not talking about it not thinking about it. It had to happen, and I’m so ready for what’s next. Today’s featured poets are listed below~ // There must be a body / which is also a portal / that brings us / back to ourselves / I imagine a new word...

103 - Because the park is located at a dead-end, no one really passes by. They all come for some kind of purpose, each with their own initimate drama. // He opens his arms, feeble, ambivalent arms bereft of any courage or expression, yet the extension of such arms is sadly enough to keep her. I hate those arms. They look like arms I once owned. I would be told, much much later on, that a hug is al...

102 - Snowman held on till the very end. He's now been replaced (by Lunar New Year decorations). That first piece was an attempt at conceptualizing the graduation trip. All three pieces were written in the backyard where the snowman held on till the very end. // They each deserve a special coat. I came to this decision while lying in bed. I faced the right which is the window and the outside a...

101 - We're back. The stars have lined up for my return and I find myself saying another long goodbye to this sanctuary. It was here I found my voice. It was here, in this building, where I launched this audio project almost five years ago. // I also trust you’ll find solace and surprises between the blurred boundaries of prose and poetry, and with that, a better answer as to whether the shape...

000 - And so I've dusted the box, opened the lid to see if the channel is still alive. I call this a trial episode, if only to claim a spot in 2024. It's here I air out my thoughts on writing and the army of anxieties that come with it. // You almost cried that time. You held on to dear life while I revelled in the speed of the loops and the thrill of being tilted sideways above the water....

099 - Tables are laid out for the speaker who's been given pictures of another speaker he thinks he's supposed to know. I wonder how long we can play this and still find it interesting. The horse kept moving in Emma Jeremy's 'the horse could die'. I followed with a draft of my own as the excavation of poetry from fiction attempts that went nowhere continues. I mentioned last week's reading. My poe...

098 - The other night I wanted to tell a story. The next morning I decided I didn't want to. Do you tell it, or do you keep it drifting on the surface of your heart ocean? I bring you 'Instructions' by the Irish poet Eavan Boland. I follow that with a quick angry draft of my own. This is Atom Alicia C. I'll be reading at the Hong Kong International Literary Festival this weekend. Thank you for hol...

097 - On being in more than one place at a time as well as not following the news. What if the first bird I see outside my window becomes the headline of my day? On this detour into 'not being there', I give you Mary Ruefle's 'Receiving News of the Devastation of My Mind' from her book Trances of the Blast . I also share my latest draft, two sections of a longer poem excavated from past attempts a...

096 - Because fear is a four-letter word. How did we get here? What are some things that have always been there for us? Featured poem: "Some Roads in Iowa" by Jill Osier from the collection From published by Bull City Press. I also read a revision of my poem "Seventeen". My headspace is dominated by poetry and a desire to weave my own. This is Atom Alicia C. Thank you for holding space. 

095 - How he's been living outside his body since his seventeenth year and how that sounds in a poem amongst other ponderings including what to say to someone if you like their poem and read it out loud without asking their permission. This is Atom Alicia C. Thank you for holding space for my voice.

094 - Tuning down the self-doubt while working on the texture of my poetry. Three frames and a poem excavated. A bit more rambling than usual. Must be the cold of January. Bliss. This is Atom Alicia C. 

093 - Back on the chariot. At odds writing about writing. If only to deliver this messy middle as authentically as possible. Tiny steps, inches off the ground, infected by the bubbly warmth of progress. Bliss. This is Atom Alicia C. 

092 - Back from my first trip to Taiwan in eight years. Lots to confront. Three new poems to share, each inspired by a song performed by Cantopop singer Anthony Wong during his recent concert series at Legacy Taipei. I was there both nights. In this episode, you'll hear a slice of the following songs: 下一站天國 >> 忘不了的你 >> 下世紀再嬉戲 >> Each juxtaposed by an English...

091 - Delivered in the spirit of placing my vulnerability on the front line, I take a supposedly light stroll past the three things I discovered about myself as a self-publishing writer. Not mentioned here are my plans for the new year, my double-down commitment to craft, to reading, and being more attentive to the delicate souls scratching words on paper, like me, who isn't me. Learning to h...

090 - Three pieces pending publication in an upcoming anthology on Hong Kong poets writing in English. I read them here, on a day I haven't got too much to say, not when the traffic is building towards the most xxx time of the year. As merry as I can be. Pen in hand. Contemplating my open-air corridor. Bliss. 

089 - A few drafts scribbled on a Friday late afternoon at Cafe Golden in the hours before it closed for the day. I took up a table next to the owner who was resting. 'I haven't seen you in a while,' she said. Being recognized... kinda threw me off, espcially when I was just dragging myself out of the imaginary cave. As for this episode, I'm only reading my own stuff. Keeping it simple, for now. T...

088 - Started from a photo of my shadow posing on the sand, the taker being me standing on the beach in a place called Momochi. More thoughts swirled as a song drifted into my head, how heaven is more than where the sky meets the shore, how it could be just around the corner, or in that corner over there, the one you didn't know existed. The voice behind the song is holding concerts in a plac...

087 - I'm not good at gatherings. I started up the slope then straight along the flat pavement with clusters of bright yellow leaves on either side of me. Would I mind people reading me? Would I mind even more if they were to read that younger self of mine? This is Atom Alicia C, reminiscing the sounds from a lost cassette. Bliss. I post on IG occasionally, though I'd rather we meet analogue.&nbsp...

086 - Vacant mall. Beds on display. Not sure where the pond comes from. This is my drawing board, my playground, a detour through the early-morning psychosis with a pen in hand. This is Atom Alicia C, contemplating the layers of distances draped over our bodies. 

085 - Is it possible to go through life without desiring to be understood? I kinda started there, and was most fond of the moment I was having kimbab on a bench overlooking the swings and slides. Reflecting on my swings and misses, and the times I took it straight down the middle. Atom Alicia C is a writer and a baseball fan.

084 - So I found myself inside the campus of Baptist University for the first time since 2019. It offered me three frames, and the crumbs that dropped onto the table when I ripped them off the dotted lines. This is Atom Alicia C, trying to move objects with my gaze.

083 - Written at Cafe Lab in a hidden corner of Cheung Sha Wan just outside the Caritas Hospital. Another stroll through the caffeinated psychosis, staring at buildings and chairs that glide. How much longer can I do this for? Inhale. Exhale. Eat. Rest. Write again. This is Atom Alicia C. Yes, I’ve been distracted by all the audio recording options out there of late but I’m over it, for now. Bliss...