At Five In the Afternoon

Yeah, it's Jazz Fest here in New Orleans. And guess who doesn't give a sh*t? We've been coming to Jazz Fest since the mid 90's. The lineup is actually pretty amazing. Once again, we have more reason for J. Andrews to run for mayor. The Anunnaki. And yes, DJ Colorado definitely said, "thruple," the same woman who married J, the TMZ of Canal Street, who accused the mayo...

Something different to start. Our hearts go out to everyone mourning as much as we are. The king is gone, but will not be forgotten. Regardless, send us money! And to be clear, Eric Dickerson did not kill anyone (allegedly). Send your letters to Cooperstown: Tell them that Pete Rose deserves to be in the Hall of Fame. And send us your sh*tty gambling puns! We have the greatest DJ of all time! Yeah...

I'm doing everything I can to try not to convince you not to listen. Unless you like The Dead Milkmen. You don't have to listen. This is what we do. It's what we've done since the beginning. It's out of control. We don't write it, we do it live. F*cking thing sucks. So anyway- Welcome to "At Five in the Afternoon". Yeah, of course KM has prepared a handful o...

From the streets of New York... If you're not paying for our Patreon, you're not getting all the content of our cast. If you try to give us money on our Patreon, you're not going to find it. We don't need or want your money. In fact, we don't need or want you to listen. Especially when KM talks about taking a sh*t at work (and going back to the scene of the crime). "W...

Seriously, you don't have to listen. So, anyways... In his attempt to be a hilarious a**hole, J somehow accomplished doing something heartfelt and meaningful. Special guest on this cast: Jim Gaffigan (kinda). Cool dude. Unfortunately, J decides to knock DJ Colorado down, but don't worry, she gets up again! If you ever wondered how adorable DJ Colorado is, she says "Caterpillar"...

You're in luck if you have water boarding, horse cum or night vision goggles on your podcast Bingo card! After that we just talk ship for a while. Hey kids! If you're looking for some easily accessible gateway drugs, we've got you covered. And for Patreon's only: J Andrews demonstrates how to dance like a flapper. Shout out to "My Brother". 

Happy birthday to Plus-Sized Domino! Although she ends up saying Talking Heads, let's assume DJ Colorado was trying to say Kraftwerk. And let's assume that KM actually believes that Chief Keef killed Tupac. Rest in Power Jam Master Jay. All this talk of death is of course foreshadowing. It is a literary podcast, after all. It's not synchronicity, it's poetry. Check out and resp...

Welcome to our special guest, Moulin Rouge. And apologies to all the Eye-Talians out there. Fuhgettaboutit!!! Don't worry, J will stop yelling and poetry will come to the forefront, but then he will make everyone turn against him, including Nina. From his voice during his first reading, it's obvious KM has no memory of this cast. Look up a clock and do the mathematical equation. Hard to...

If you haven't seen Goodfellas, go f*ck yourself. J. Andrews is way too flamboyant. "'Hello Gub'na!" J. wants to tell you about his feelings. Who's your daddy? Welcome to the neighborhood! DJ Colorado almost kills KM Douglas, but he deserves it because he's poor. Visit SpiritAirlines.com/KMDouglas! (For 20% MORE on all domestic flights). What's the differenc...

"I never did like this f@cking planet anyways." -d.a.levy. And yes, you CAN get pregnant from pre-cast. Carnival continues! Come join us to celebrate Bacchus on February 11th! Mad respect to Chewbacchus. Let's be honest though, parades are only enjoyable on drugs. And now for a shameless self-promotion from J. Andrews. It is a literary podcast, after all. The Year of Bacchus by J. A...

Muppets is actually a derogatory term used by the British. Sports corner! Who let the dawgs out!?! More importantly: Who let J. Andrews out? We don't need to tell you not to eat toilet paper. There are many more things to indulge in, including Carnival and Mardi Gras. Shout out to our five new Canadian listeners! Oh, poetry? Whoda thunk? So, we're gonna get dark for a moment. All respect...

How was your Xmas? Who cares. How was your New Year's? Who cares. Polygamist relationships are the best! And so is Mexican Lasagne! This cast is sponsored by Ortega. Visit AtFiveInTheAfternoon.com/Ortega for 10% off a 99 cent packet of taco seasoning. Somehow K.M. makes Jeffrey Epstein seem less creepy... We also help you out with some heart health. And then we save marriages. Hims turned dow...

We're not concerned, DJ Khalid's wife does not listen to this podcast, but DJ Khalid definitely does. Shut up! Numbers are only made for Alien Women. Spoiler alert: DJ Colorado is a 10/10!!! Happy Birthday Black Jesus! No way Jesus was white nor born in December. J was right about Gremlins 2. T.S. Eliot was right about sherbet. Are you ready for a real Xmas poem? Then we exchange gifts....

First off, f*ck x-mas, then let's remember one of the greatest musicians of our time- without shying away from the fact that his murderer, like J & K.M., listened to Pink Floyd on acid (and it wasn't "Ummagumma", it was "Atom Heart Mother")- but we didn't kill a cultural icon! After our respectful memorial celebrating the dead Beatle, we seamlessly transition...

Special guest this week: A master of clitoral stimulation, Detroit comedian and close friend, Chuck Mitchell!  Unfortunately, he has to witness J drop his drawers and ask for medical advice about his butt from completely unqualified individuals. Please note: Morgan Freeman does not narrate this. And you thought Butt Fungus was bad. Now he has Cauliflower Butt! And then we ruin Xmas. No one wants a...

Cruise ships are death machines. Thank god we have a f*cking DJ! Let's get to some fun stuff before we keep insulting each other's moms. Wanna get high? Try carrots. But only if you want to die... If you don't laugh at our dad jokes then you're as dead as journalism. Send us your best band names for K.M.'s new punk band. And please remember J said he would be the drummer....

We're back! We're live! If you love someone, tell them you love them, and if you love someone, peg them, at least on their birthday. Don't hold your breath, we will not get to the 6 escalators in a minute (it's actually 13 minutes). Hey-o! Turns out dentists have yay-yo! Less surprising, drug dealers are the same no matter where you go. Finally we get to hear what J & Color...

This is the closest you'll ever come to understanding what it's actually like to hang out with us. And then we ruin it with our "normal" cast. J likes to think about when people f*ck! Listen to us stumble over the proper way to describe the servers at Hamburger Mary's. Now let's talk about sex toys! And yes, our segues keep getting worse. Remember: It's not a pol...

Sobriety. Columbian hookers. Nina's 105th birthday. Buckle up, bitches! Also, we introduce our new weekly segment: Salty. Now we're talking. Salt Bae! It's not funny, it's armageddon! Listen to your leaders: The only way to stop the zombie apocalypse is to drink beer. Hard to tell if drunks or sober people are more annoying. Rolling Stone sucks. Cleveland Rocks! Please make sur...

It's actually exactly 5 o'clock!!! Tune in next week for what we promised you last week. To make it up to you, K.M. gives you the easiest bar bet to win. Michael Jackson is the Jesus of basketball. I don't know why we're talking about Cosby. Yes, it gets worse... Not sure, but J maybe messed with Texas. We are caught between time, which is our excuse for why we suck. And no, we...

When you're here, you're family. Special guest on this episode (no joke)- Boy George! #Remember9/12! And remember Bobi! (But please forget J asking about his d*ck)!  Don't worry, the poetry is on topic, but unfortunately, Batman can't compete with fettuccine alfredo. Wait, why are we talking about Prince? Maybe because he was an alien. Regardless, we all know Colorado lives on...

Yes, we start out by talking about the weather... don't worry, eventually there will be poetry. No reason to be proud of the boys, although it is pretty interesting that white supremacy is not entirely white. Who knew? Speaking of whites, Burning Man was a sh%tshow! Hope you got the 80's movie reference... "Midnight Madness", btw, because I know you didn't. You're wel...

Yes, we remember the end of the last cast, and K.M. put the work in to answer last week's question about what happened to Michael Jackson's animals from the Neverland Ranch after his death. Here's what we know: Bubbles outlived Michael. Michael could have used a vet. Seems like Thriller could have used a vet, too. Madonna may be in Oklahoma, but J. Andrews is definitely in Colorado....

Choose the Sword and join us. Otherwise, grab your balls & f@ck your mother. It sounds crazy that a sword fight ended in death in this day & age, but it's not only true, it's also hilarious! There's a reason K.M. knows the difference between sword fighting and swashbuckling... not that there's anything wrong with that! "Tis only a flesh wound!" The Red Dress R...

If you like to watch kids get hit by 60mph fastballs, check out the Little League World Series! Kids, you might not grow up to be a professional baseball player, but that's no reason not to follow your dream! 😎 Join us as we revisit one of the greatest baseball fights of all time! Eat your heart out, Howard Cosell! The lawnmowers are taking over! Oh, wait, no - the robots! And meanwhile igno...