a's Podcast

i dont think you realize how much i self owned by saying something about the n word.  when i think back on that day, i dont even know what that guy said.  even if he did insult me, which i am not sure if he did. he said something very low to himself with his face turned away,  i had the choice to keep it to myself.  i didnt have to say it online.  that was a self own.  it was just some person i ha...

it really is mental illness i think.  i didnt have to say anything about it. especially since i dont know what they said.   and no one has ever said that me before.  so it is possible   that still even right now, currently, it is possible that no one has ever said it to me before.  because i could not hear what he said.

how can i erase that.   it could even be a made up story.   but would you be interested in turning a made up story that i told you in to a dog whistle.

if my father is still around, and if he is advising donald trump. i wonder if my father is donald trumps daddy now. i also wonder if my brother kept up with my father all those years too. because someone told me that my brother saw him like a father figure.  if all of those things are true, that my father is advising donald trump, and that my father kept up with my brother all those years. i would...

but,  i am surprised they didnt target my father in oklahoma.  i do not understand what the difference is.  as far as i know, my mother was the one who helped him get the respiratory therapist career by paying for expenses, helping him with it , etc.

i do remember meeting a girlfriend that he had. he had a daughter with her.  it was when i met them he made it pretty clear he was like, these people are more important than you, kind of thing.   i remember the girlfriend wanted to become a plumber.  so crazy. 

it is true. they arranged meetings for me to meet with him because we were estranged. but what wound up happening is he basically told me that his other children and spouses or whatever were more important. it did happen that way.     i now wonder why they arranged the meetings.  because it derailed my life a bit i think.

i think my father thought he was better than my mother, because of his father. even though my father was disgusting.  my father couldnt get an education without the help of my mother i dont think.  i think my mother supported him to become a respiratory therapist. by paying for school , housing , things like that.   i only met him a couple of times, but like somehow during one of those meetings. h...

there are probably peopl ethat  would pay for that kind of thing though  to buy someone that is going to die   

when i met my father i thought he was dumzo. i was pretty upset he was my father. i dont like the way he looks or anything. but i still tried to like him.  but then i found out his father was a spaniard that was exiled from spain or whatever. but i didnt get the entire story on that.  i did meet my grandfather on his side one time. for a few minutes.  i think i was four or five.

i did try to like my father though.  mostly it seemed like he didnt have much to say. but then sometimes he would speak coherently.

i have three sisters and a brother that i know of. but i think i am the only one that was targeted.  meaning my father was not targeted also.  just my mother, me.  possibly my mother's father.

i do have a story about my grandfather. my mother's father.  my grandmother told me.  when she first married jesse, they went to visit her father. my great grandfather. when they were together, jesse, like hit my grandmother or pulled her hair and took her away from the table or outside or something because something she said or did embarrassed him.  she said that her parents told her to forg...

you all pointedly kept coming after me. it has been many years now. it is called triangulating. you still do triangulate me.  that is murder.

i did live with the realization that my brother didnt want anyone to find out what he did.  i didnt tell anyone until recently online.  i never really planned to tell anyone. even though i knew he had a family and a business and all of that. i didnt really feel the need to tell anyone.  

i remember they used to live close to a sprouts in oklahoma. i think it was oklahoma city. i dont remember which city it was in. but they were close to a sprouts. 

i was thinking about how i hear they hang people in oklahoma. i actually was wondering why they didnt target my father.   he really made a mistake telling me what he told me about his ancestry. because i dont think it was true.  i think he just said that to me to destabilize me to be honest.  the sisters dont seem to operate in a way that they were told anything like he told me.  

my father and sisters live in oklahoma. probably next to someone famous who lives in oklahoma. there are a few. if you want to meet them.   i would appreciate it if you would stop trying to holocaust me to instead pressure the folks in oklahoma.   i would appreciate it if you would pressure the father and sisters in oklahoma instead of me.  i tried to go stay with them when i first became homeless...

i will say the painful part out loud.  if the u.s. has been colonizing through the bases. and the u.s. includes a lot of people with native american ancestry.  that means countries may have been colonized by mixed race people that may also be part native american   this is all post  colonialism 

1898 The  first U.S. military base built outside the United States  was established in  1898 at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba

did you know that the secret service in the u.s. supposedly first started using hands free communication devices in The U.S. Secret Service is said to have used a handheld transceiver in their job of protecting President Franklin Roosevelt before the outbreak of World War II.  rosevelt was the only president to serve four terms.  he died in the fourth term.  but the reason i am talking about the h...

the saddest part to me though, is finding out that what i thought about the space industry, is probably true. that the space industry does not want to be disturbed.  so they go on secret missions.  

may or may not make sense. but like people like taylor lautner keep showing up in the news. i think it has to do with native american ancestry.  i didnt know , but it seems like in the u.s. , you could be a lawyer or a doctor, but if you manage to become an actor and you also have native american ancestry, those actors will want the lawyers and doctors to stop everything they are doing to gaze on...

also, if they have been to the moon for trips several times over the last couple of years, and no one knows about it.  it means the public was not meant to know about it.     i always got the impression, from the first day i talked about the space industry,  that there were people in that industry that didnt want to be disturbed.  i guess i can get that because it is no joke making rockets and thi...

if they went to the moon or wherever many times. they left me out and they left you out. big time.  like, no one is friends.