Another World is Probable

A friend asked me an audacious (in a good way) question: “What if you only said yes to things that were a heck yes instead of settling for things that are mediocre?” My friend isn’t referring to every situation because to be an adult means sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do. Will I ever say “heck yes” to washing dishes or filing my taxes? Personally, I will not but I still wash d...

I feel unmoored because a very significant relationship has entered a new era. For context, this is a person who knows everything about me – all the things I want to keep hidden, my missteps, the self-destructive thoughts and actions – everything. She’s witnessed every crisis and every celebration from the last 12 years. She’s offered guidance, care, and support through it all and played an enormo...

In high school and college, I was a stage manager. For the uninitiated, that’s the person who notes all the actors’ blocking, feeds them a line when they ask for it, calls the lighting and sound cues during the show, and just generally supports the director in manifesting their vision. I was good at it because I perpetually thought about the future and what was next. The shadow side of being an ad...

It’s been a very up-and-down start to the new year for me. I’ve cried every day thus far, which is not my MO. I have a friend who jokes that it’s a good day when she only cries once but that’s not me. I’m more of a “cry as needed” type and I guess right now it’s needed because all this grief is coming up about my friend who died, yes, but about other things too. Grief is a gateway and once the doo...

Even though I sync up better with the Jewish New Year, the Gregorian New Year still acts as a mile marker for me. I ask, “How does this year compare with last year? What did I think of this year? What happened?” When I contemplate 2023, I realize I couldn’t have predicted 99% of the things that transpired. I thought I knew what the future held but I didn’t, like, at all. More in this week's po...

A former therapist and coach told me once that grief can feel pleasurable in an unexpected way because every other emotion is heightened. You’re sad but also recognizing the transience of life and because of that transience, strawberries taste sweeter and time with loved ones is more precious. When he said this to me, I told him he was off his rocker because there was nothing pleasurable about gri...

Death is strange. You already know that but I’m stating it again: Death is strange. There are people who seem like they’re on their deathbeds, who you’re sure only have a few months to live who wind up sticking around for another five years. And then there are people who are young, who you think have another 40 years left, that die suddenly. More in this week's post. And here's a link to a...

It’s a weird time to be Jewish and to celebrate Hanukkah, which commemorates a military victory. I’m still lighting the candles with my friends and family but the whole thing has me contemplating many things: how to be in the world, what I think, why it matters, and who is listening. If I listen to people in the digital world, everything seems terrible. If I only focus on the digital world, I get...

One of my soul sisters sent me a birthday card that says, “This card is decorated with matter-of-fact boldness and fierceness, and so it is especially suited to you.” Her words keep ringing in my ears because I don’t feel particularly bold or fierce and I have trouble embracing those descriptions because for much of my life, the word “too” has been attached to adjectives describing me: too sensiti...

Lately, I’ve been tired and wired. It’s in part due to personal stressors but it’s also because things in the world are so intense. If you’ve been on social media even a little, you know people have been expressing strong opinions. Their messages are laced with pain, anger, grief, and trauma. It’s a lot. And while a part of me wants to burrow under the covers or zone out by watching Netflix, I kno...

I have some notes for the cosmic powers that be. Is there a way to lodge complaints? A manager I can speak to? No? Who designed this system?!? At times like these, I understand why people question the existence of God/Higher Power/Source, etc. because if there is a God, why would It allow all these awful things to happen? I have some thoughts.

I always find Diipavali or Diwali to be an interesting holiday. The timing changes because it’s attached to the new moon in the month of Karttik, which is mid-October to mid-November. It’s dark, there’s no illumination. Symbolically, the day before Diipavali represents a time when it seems like light can’t win, won’t win. That evil will triumph and maintain its grip on society. More in this week's...

In such tense times, how do we move toward peace? More than just saying, "We need a ceasefire"? I describe just that in this post. Also, here is the exercise I mentioned: Nonviolent Communication (NVC) exercise .

More energy is coursing through my system, my mind and body are going in a million different directions, and I can’t seem to sit still. That’s highly unusual for me! I generally don’t have problems with focus but these days my insides (and outsides, honestly) feel chaotic, messy, and discombobulated. Normally I’d try to tamp all this down and rein the energy back in but I keep thinking about what...

I had an experience a few days ago that I keep thinking about. If you follow me on Instagram ( @krsnasfav ), you already heard this story, but I want to share it here too. As I walked to the chiropractor, I felt dismal, irritated, and hopeless. I don’t know why I had this urge, but I looked up at the sky. More in this week's post.

I’ve shared this quote with three people this week so it seems like a good topic to blog about. My sponsor always tells me, “God is slow but He’s always on time. When it’s time He moves fast, so be ready.” My own life is moving at the pace of frozen molasses but things are happening quickly for those around me. More in this week's post.

It’s been a rough week. Not only have I still been sick but a client is late on payment and we’ve been going through a heatwave. All of this is a recipe for FUN TIMES. I’ve stewed in anger and resentment, I’ve cursed out God, told Him how much I hate Him. I haven’t felt serene, not even close. After I exhausted all of my options and had enough of simmering in anger, I stopped fighting. More in thi...

I didn’t know this was a saying splashed over Pinterest and Etsy until recently: “Everybody wants to change the world but no one wants to change the toilet paper roll.” Personally, I don’t mind changing the toilet paper roll but I understand the underlying message. When people talk about changing the world, they often think of something big and grand. They fail to realize the little things they do...

My self-esteem has taken a beating this week and it’s all been self-inflicted. I’m comparing myself to other people and coming up short. And look, I know someone out there envies me (and you too), that comparison is the thief of joy, etc., but that doesn’t help me in the moment when my chest burns and my cheeks get hot with envy. It doesn’t help when I’m looking over at so-and-so, marveling at the...

It’s the Jewish New Year, and I’m wondering what the new year will bring. Will some of my dreams come true? Or will this year be a nightmare? I want to know because I derive comfort when I know what’s ahead. But is that really true? When journaling about this topic I wrote, “You do better left in the dark.” Um, excuse me? More in this week's post.

Lately, I’m on a genealogy kick trying to suss out who I’m related to and how. It’s endlessly fascinating because it’s a puzzle but also a web. As you know, there are many offshoots of a family tree – aunts, uncles, cousins – who all have their own direct family lines. But what’s even more interesting is that we’re all related, literally.

Right now I’m migrating old pictures from my phone to my computer. In part, it’s to create more space but it’s also because I’m in the mood to clean and clear. What’s interesting is that instead of looking at the photos with wistfulness and nostalgia like I usually do, I’m struck with the parallels between then and now. More in this week's post.

Sometimes I put my happiness on layaway. I think about how amazing it will feel when I move somewhere big enough for a dedicated office space. When I have a house with a lush backyard illuminated with twinkling fairy lights. In the interim though, I’m in a one-bedroom apartment with no green space. Yes, I have plants in containers, but it’s not the same as a true backyard. Does that mean I’m doome...

I read an article in my university’s alumni magazine the other day about Andre Ingram , who at 32 became a rookie for the LA Lakers. Reading his story, I teared up because the whole thing seems so surreal, so unlikely.

After a long day of staring at my computer screen, I walked outside to my apartment complex’s terrace where something caught my eye. Leaning against the far wall beneath an overhang is a bag of detritus. It’s filled with dirt and pine needles and everything workmen scooped out of our gutters from at least eight months ago, if not longer. Do you know what was spilling out of that bag? More in this...