Again With This: Dawson's, Melrose, 90210

Rhonda has exited! Offscreen! Uh, bye! So Amanda has moved in (to Rhonda's old unit, which we know was a studio?) and is busily making friends with her female neighbours. Jo seems to enjoy hanging out until it becomes clear that, with Amanda finally moving on from Billy, she has taken notice of Jake -- and just in time for Jake and Jo to have moved in together, too. Why isn't Billy still on Amanda...

Where to begin with this actually pretty plot-filled two-part season finale? Well: the mysterious Mr. K. is selling the complex. Also: let's just say Amanda's pregnancy's not going to be a problem for Billy and Alison anymore. That's not to say that Amanda isn't going to be a problem for them anymore, because she is still very into Billy and openly pursuing him, basically daring Alison to try to c...

Now that they've MADE LOVE, everything is going so great for Billy and Alison -- other than her need to talk their relationship to death, that is. It's just terrible, awful timing that the couple has barely had time to shower each other's stink off when Amanda informs Billy that she's missed her period and, according to a home test, she's pregnant. Instead of waiting for a doctor's confirmation, B...

Alison and Billy may have both felt extremely awkward after their first kiss, but after each suffers a night of restless sleep, they agree that what they're mostly feeling now is horny. Billy's attempt at romance -- a jazz concert in the park (never the play, guys) -- is ruined by Alison's ongoing guilt over keeping the secret of Michael's affair from Jane; when Billy suggests that she's using sai...

Since Amanda still hasn't figured out that Billy is not worth the effort she's putting into acquiring him, she's fighting a battle on two fronts: continuing to contact him via phone, and shoehorning him into conversations at work. When both Amanda and Alison are invited to Lucy's engagement party, Alison doesn't consider that she's in a primetime soap and bring Matt as her platonic date, instead b...

Amanda, against all reason, has continued trying to reach out to Billy and, rightly suspecting the reason he's not answering her messages is because Alison isn't giving them to him, forces the issue with a little light stalking. Thus Alison, who's already eating Amanda's shit at work as she tries to regain the stature she enjoyed pre-Seattle, also has to eat shit for interfering in Billy and Amand...

Things are going great for Jake and Jo, which means it's time for his past to come back to haunt them again. Specifically, Jake's ex Perry -- the cocaine user who, when we last saw her, was scamming rich art collectors -- is out of rehab for heroin addiction. She lets Jake know that she now has AIDS, and that as her former partner, he should get tested. Jake resists the notion that a man who only...

Billy is just starting to get used to the idea of life without Alison -- and even entertaining the idea of renting her old room out to Kimberly, particularly if it means she'll move all her furniture in with her -- when he gets the news that his father has suffered a massive heart attack; alas, Mr. Campbell never regains consciousness, and passes away. Billy, for some reason, decides the best way...

While Billy settles into life with Amanda -- which, since she's doing his laundry and boning him all the time, is pretty easy -- an unsettled Alison makes an impetuous decision: she WILL move to Seattle with Keith. Everyone in Alison's life thinks this is a terrible idea, though everyone is too scared to say so to Alison's face except Lucy, who fought to get Alison her promotion and doesn't apprec...

Billy blows off a play with Alison to have dinner with Amanda and her father on such short notice that Alison can't find anyone else to take the ticket, and since Betsy's in the shop again, Keith lends her his vintage Mustang. Walking alone to a desirable car naturally ends with Alison getting robbed at gunpoint. Billy is full of self-recrimination for not having been there for Alison after her te...

Since Billy and Amanda are refusing to ignore their own happiness and quit dating so that Alison won't be uncomfortable around them, Alison is challenged to search her feelings about the matter and determine the real reason it bugs her so much that Billy is seeing Amanda. When Alison requests a formal meeting to discuss their relationship and then gets a dozen red roses at work with an unsigned ca...

Amanda asks Alison to join her for a weekend away at her parents' vacation home, which in our day would be the prelude to Alison's sexual awakening as at least a bisexual (particularly given that the sleeping arrangements require Amanda and Alison to share a bed), but in ours has to be followed by Alison getting stupid Billy invited along, too. Of course, Alison regrets it almost immediately: Aman...

When one of Alison's never-seen co-workers gets bounced for dating a client (and losing the agency the business when the relationship went sour), Alison gets a promotion to assistant account executive! She's going to be working with an art director named Amanda Woodward on Maximum Advantage, a men's underwear brand. None of the agency's usual photographers is available, so Alison takes a flyer on...

Jake finally tells Jo that he ran into Charles, her ex, and while he think he's solved her problems by telling him that Jo doesn't live at Melrose Place, Jo knows better, and goes to see him. Charles is proud to show her that he's not drinking anymore, and is generally on his best behaviour, apologizing for not having taken her photography seriously, and for trying to turn her into a good little s...

Jane thinks nothing of it when she's awakened by a phone call from her sister Sydney, who's come to L.A. without letting anybody know. She just needed a break from college -- no big deal! But it doesn't take long for Sydney's story to crumble: actually, she was getting terrible grades in all her classes, so she dropped out. What's she going to do with her life instead? Maybe squat on Jane and Mich...

It's Christmas! But for a lot of people, that can be awkward! Like, for instance, for Matt, who has decided to cook a traditional Christmas dinner for the orphans at the complex instead of spending the holidays with his parents, since he's still hurt about the way they responded when he told them about losing his job for being gay. It's also not great for Michael, who feels extra-guilty about fail...

Alison hasn't been feeling quite right lately, lady parts-wise: turns out she has a benign fibroid tumor, which will require surgery. This is inconvenient because despite the fact that she works full-time at D&D, she doesn't have health insurance. Billy leaps into action, certain that any hospital administrator who looks her in the eye won't be able to deny her care; unfortunately, they live i...

Kelly returns from Matt's brother's funeral to the shocking news that David has proposed marriage to Donna, and that Donna's not sure what to do. Don't worry: her reticence is short-lived, and the couple forges ahead with a wedding that may just be the one Kelly's been planning since it all comes together in a matter of days. Why isn't Kelly using it? Well, now that Matt's biological child is abou...

All the Melrose Place dudes who aren't currently involved in legal proceedings are still verrrrrrry interested in Jo. Michael wants to know why she's changing her lock if it wasn't broken, and when she's going to get around to giving him, her building manager, a copy of the new one. Billy's trying to conceal from Alison the fact that he's dropping by with impromptu unchilled Champagne. But Jake is...

After Dylan's declaration of love (or codependence, or obsession, or whatever) in the last episode, Kelly is trying to pretend nothing is wrong even as he openly gives her the silent treatment. To prove she doesn't take it seriously, she even tells Matt about it, which somehow isn't much comfort to him. They're on their way to yet another wedding-related appointment when she hears a news report on...

When Michael volunteers Jane to the decorating committee for an upcoming mixer for the hospital interns, she's relieved to meet and make friends with fellow doctor's wife Liz. And what do you know -- Michael is also getting pally with Liz's husband Scott, a star pediatrician. Jane finds nothing amiss in the elaborate story Liz offers for how she got a shiner on her right eye, but is less able to e...

Matt is excited about a job opportunity in Seattle and Kelly is trying to be excited for him, and for the possibility of moving there with him if he gets it, but of course she's still mostly focused on Dylan, particularly after he gives Matt and Kelly their wedding gift a bit early: plane tickets for a trip around the world. Kelly is disgusted that he's trying this gambit again, and refuses to acc...

Alison is so sure Keith is the right man for her -- that a love she never dared to hope for is actually real -- that she's fighting with her friends and neighbors about the advisability of being with him. Her defiance starts to crumble, however, when he admits that Lily, his wife, has come to town from San Diego to implore him not to end their marriage; when Alison sneaks a look at his wallet and...

Apparently what everyone was toasting in the last episode was Donna agreeing to let Dylan pay Mitch to build her an online store, because now it's actually getting close to launching, and everyone is mad about it. Janet's mad that Steve went behind her back to invest $10,000 from an inheritance she didn't know he had, and worried about what it means for their relationship that he's hiding money fr...

Having decided at the end of the last episode that she is fine fooling around with a married man, Alison figures there's no reason she shouldn't let her friends, neighbors, and boss all about Keith's situation, and is unpleasantly surprised when they don't all agree with her that he's great and so is their relationship. Affected by their judgment, she decides to ask Keith exactly what it means whe...