A Star to Steer Her By

It's getting towards the end of vacation, and you know how it is. Suddenly you're trying to cram in so much at once! First up, the show tries to insist more than ever on the Inara/Mal relationship when the "Serenity" crew goes to help an old friend of hers in "Heart of Gold". After that, holy crap the show has figured out what to do with River just in time to end in "Objects in Space!" Also this w...

Good music is good to have on vacation, tho that might not be what we're talking about. First up: it's another heist and more Saffron but both are a little less interesting than before in "Trash". After that, war wounds run deep but are they adequately addressed in "The Message"? Also this week: more cake, Alvin and the Chipmunks, and Simon's lack of game. Timestamps: Trash: 2:27; The Message: 36:...

It's vacation and justifying this title for both episodes is hard, but I liked it so much I don't give a fig. I guess the doors were half-opened for the crew to do their heisting in "Ariel" since Simon gave them what the kids call "the deets". After that, the title will make sense as we watch Wash AND Zoe break character for the sake of a bad plot that should've been good in "War Stories". Also th...

Folks get introspective on vacation, and everyone's looking to the past in "Firefly" this week. Jayne is worried he'll only find trouble on a world he'd previously visited but gets a big surprise in "Jaynestown". After that, Captain Mal is in dire straights and reminisces about finding his ship, his crew, and a bullet in his gut in "Out of Gas". Also this week: a very professional opening, dirty j...

There's more backwaters on display and tales told of even more in this week's "Firefly". Yes, we're still on Shore Leave and our trip has brought us to a world where they still believe in witchcraft and stake-burnings in "Safe". After that there's a world with odd marriage customs that lands the Cap in hot water and a story of one with regular goose abuse in "Our Mrs. Reynolds". Also this week: Ja...

Our shore leave continues but it's not a happy trip for the "Serenity" screw when they come across Reaver handiwork in "Bushwhacked". Then Mal needs to put on his fanciest, tightest pants for a party to try and make contact with a client in "Shindig". Also this week: changing the theme, unfortunate implications, and disrespecting Inara. Timestamps: Bushwhacked: 3:58; Shindig: 47:31

Folks, your stalwarts have been at this "Star Trek" thing now for 3 years, with the occasional tangentially-related break for a "Ten Forward". So it's about time we took some Shore Leave! For the next few weeks we're talkin' "Firefly", the Joss Whedon cult space western. First up it's "Serenity", the 2-hour premier, where we meet our crew, mysterious passengers, and suspicious cargo. After that, a...

Another series wrapped, and you know what that means! MFing FANFIC time! Some episodes back we all pulled names from hats and now you get to see the fruits of our labors! Thrill to tales of justice, of deceit, more deceit, and family! Also this week: plugging famous podcasts, Jake's final outro, and an announcement! Timestamps: "The Pulaski Maneuver" by Caitlin: 3:02; "Special Delivery" by Chris:...

We've come to the end of the mostly-trash TNG movie era, but it is not going to go out quietly. Instead it's going to assault us with bad attempts at being Shakespearean and a mind-numbingly long and dull space battle. Even Tom Hardy's luscious lips can't save "Nemesis". Also this week: deleted scenes, wait this was written by WHO?!, and ranking the Prime Timeline films! Timestamps: Nemesis: 0:47;...

What happens when you toss "Who Watches the Watchers", "Journey's End", and "Homeward" into a blender, sprinkle a DASH of "The Wrath of Khan" angst over getting old on top, and then bake for 1 hour 43 minutes? The absolute clustercuss that is the thoroughly middling "Star Trek: Insurrection"! A planet has some magic space dust that's basically a fountain of youth, and the Federation has decided "s...

We've hit what the vast majority consider the high point of the TNG films in "First Contact"! The Borg are all "choke on THAT causality" and decide to go back in time to screw with Earth of the past, specifically Zephram Cochrane and his first warp flight. But Captain Picard and the "Enterprise"-E crew are hot on their tail, and everyone's favorite Anglo-Frenchman has decided he's going to go all...

What do you do when you've got a villain with an incomprehensible plot, a MacGuffin with inexplicable properties, and a battle with illogical editing? Well, see the title of this episode. We've hit the TNG movies and with "Generations" we're off to a start about as mediocre as the TOS ones. At least the uniforms are better. Even if they do keep swapping around. Also this week: a wasted premise, un...

Come back with us to a simpler time, when Marvel was going broke, DC had made a GOOD "Batman" movie, and no one thought it was controversial to punch Nazis. It's the heady days of 1991 and "The Rocketeer" launches into theaters, bringing a whole pile of "Trek" guest star alum along for the ride! Join your stalwarts as we revisit this piece from our childhood and find out, holy crap, it holds up sh...

Okay, yes, you're looking at the length of this one in horror. But you have to understand, this is a BIG DEAL. We have hit the END of TNG and will be discussing not only finale episode "All Good Things...", but the series as a whole! So allow us this indulgence. Also this week: so many Easter Eggs, failing the female characters, and THE debate. Timestamps: All Good Things...: 0:32; Kirk/Picard deb...

Everyone is going against the grain this week in TNG! First up, the ship disobeys all commands to foster new life in the absolutely rubbish "Emergence". After that, Picard stupidly decides Ro should infiltrate the Marquis because there's no way she'll end up deciding to actually join them in "Preemptive Strike". Also this week: too much Shakespeare, "Discovery" disco, and "The Rainbow Connection"....

It's a rough one here on SSHB this week. First up, it's an Alexander episode with "Firstborn", featuring a highlight in the form of a Quark cameo. After that, Picard has to save his illegitimate son from DaiMon Bok's latest idiot plan for jerks in "Bloodlines". Not gonna lie, LOTS of padding this episode... Also this week: Jake has a pencil, Klingon Ren Faire, and Rick Berman. Timestamps: Firstbor...

We're moving up and down the evolutionary ladder this week on TNG, even if it doesn't actually make any damn sense! First up, Barclay's paranoia makes monkeys of some, fish-monsters of others, and WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! of Worf in "Genesis". Then the writers decide to have Wesley leave the show for a higher plain of existence after he creates a Native American rebellion (no really) in "Journey's...

No, we're not just re-reviewing "Sub Rosa" for some reason. But this week on TNG there's all kinds of technobabble spirits floating around the shop, and...yeah, they're not great. First up, the art team plundered Mesoamerican culture to make up some alien gods that try to turn the ship into their temple in the utterly dreadful "Masks". After that, a nacelle is HAUUUUUUUUUUUUNTED (via "science") an...

Everyone's getting promoted, tho someone always has to die for it! First up: we see the lives of the little people of the "Enterprise" as a bunch of Ensigns try to figure out what's what in "Lower Decks". After that, Data has amnesia and is killing locals with jewelry while Deanna tries to make Commander in "Thine Own Self"! Also this week: why are things wet, a requested cut it was impossible to...

Lots of artificial worlds this week on TNG. First up, Worf's brother causes shenanigans when he rescues a technologically-underdeveloped race and makes them think the holodeck is their world in "Homeward". After that, "Sub Rosa" takes a jolly trip to Disney Scotland where the accents are toss, the ghosts are fake hot, and the plot is something out of a 90s Harlequin novel. Also this week: an aesth...

Special days keep getting mucked up this week on TNG. First, Mr. Worf's birthday is thrown into disarray when he starts going all "Rick and Morty" through realities in "Parallels". After that, the utter joy of Captain Picard Day is RUINED by an evil Admiral's pre-Admiral shenanigans in "The Pegasus". Also this week: the end (?) of the placemat saga, a poopy intermission, and Peter David. Timestamp...

TNG is saving a lot for the end of both the episodes we're looking at this week! First up, NOTHING HAPPENS FOR AGES and then EVERYTHING HAPPENS AT ONCE in the dreary "Force of Nature". After that, a lot of interesting character moments lead up to a somewhat-rushed moral dilemma in "Inheritance". Also this week: a correction, death by passive-aggression, and Claymation (TM) (C) (R) (whatever else)....

What lurks in the mind of a telepath? In "Dark Page" we find out that powerful minds can bury secrets far deeper than most can imagine. After that, Picard and Crusher learn stuff about one another that Troi surely already knew in "Attached". Also this week: the Troi accent, Ames's astronomer trauma, and mispronouncing Orangina. Content Warning: child death discussed as it is a plot point. Timestam...

Season 7 of TNG leaves your hosts cold again this week, tho opinions are divided over what's worse. First up: something we might be seeing more of as Picard tussles with smugglers in "Gambit", parts 1 and 2. After that, more Data dreams may tie into a malfunctioning warp core in "Phantasms". Also this week: Worf puns, a "Voyager" tangent, and the tables are turned on Gordo. Timestamps: Gambit: 3:2...

It's a week of old "Trek" plots that have been done better previously on TNG. First up, aliens have a weird way of experiencing unfamiliar human (and Klingon) sensations in "Liaisons". After that, Geordi plays VR while aliens play pretend to get help in "Interface". Also this week: 90s crap, the bulge patrol, and "Tristram Shandy". Note: spoilers for "Dolores Claiborne" at 22:11 - 22:18 Timestamps...