A Hamster With a Blunt Penknife - a Doctor Who Commentary podcast

Join Joe & Colin as they don their frocks and play clockwork soldiers in pre-revolutionary France. What is the difference between romanticising and sexualising the Doctor? Is this the best designed Doctor Who? And did Steven Moffat write the best episodes in the RTD era?

Join Joe & Ally as they take down the Master’s dystopian Earth by pressing a big reset button. Is this the hottest episode of Doctor? How has Joe seen Matt Smith’s package? Is the Master afraid of strong women? Or is he just a coward?

Join Joe & Ally as they take up positions as part of Mr Saxon’s New Cabinet. Should Doctor Who be enjoyed? Who is the sexiest man in this episode? And why is Martha discovering independence from the Doctor the best thing ever?

Join Joe & Mark as they dash to Space Control to save the day! Can you convincingly deliver technobabble through conviction alone? Who is the mysterious porn star at Space Control? How sinister is the Android Doctor? And why is Mother from The Avengers pretending to be the Brigadier?

Join Joe & Mark from @twowatchwho as they get stuck up a tree, hide in a filthy pond, and get pursued by sniffer dogs! It’s all about the cliffhanger this time, and evil Sarah’s authenticity. Are the Kraal’s effective monsters?

Join Joe & Mark as they prepare for the invasion of Earth! Is Joe going to tie Mark up to the obelisk in the fake Kraal village? Is this the most phallic rocket in Doctor Who? And how do you destroy an Android with a bread roll and water?

Join Joe & Mark as they dare to traverse the suspense and the mysteries of a Terry Nation part one! Where are the Daleks? Who is the most sinister villager? Are Tom and Lis the peak Doctor/companion team? And just how good is that cliffhanger?

Join Joe & Nathan as they narrow it down, toss vinegar, duck missiles and trade barbs with Annette Badland. World War Three is imminent, and the boys are ready for the dodgy action set pieces. Good luck.

Join Joe & Nathan as they head to Powell Estate to uncover the mystery of the missing chav. Why is Jackie Tyler the best character to ever appear in Doctor Who? Surely the fat, flatulent, childish politicians aren’t a dig at the political state of play today? And how many ways can two gay men masturbate RTDs skill as a dramatist in 45 minutes?

Join Joe & Jason as they head to the frozen Tombs of Telos! They ponder just how complicated an Eric Saward scripted story can be, how inept the info dumps can be and how odd it is that every plot thread ends with murder.

Join Joe & Jason as they embark on a bank heist of a lifetime. What is lurking down in the sewers murdering people? Why are the Doctor and Peri’s clothes SO BRIGHT. And will anyone survive to tell tales of this adventure?

Join Joe & Conrad as they face down the most phallic and plastic of snakes. Conrad ponders what he would like to do with Dibber’s black light converter, the lack film work is considered and we both goggle at how good Nerys Hughes is.

Join Joe & Conrad as they head into Panna’s cave for a hallucinogenic dream of doom! What the hell is going on at the end of this episode? Why is Dibber wearing a dreadful wig? And how chilling is Hindle’s breakdown?

Join Joe & Conrad as they seek out the dark places of the inside. Why did Conrad give this 3/10 as a child? Where are the monsters? How sexy is evil Tegan? And who is giving the most impressive performance?

Join Joe and Conrad as they explore the lush landscape of Diva Loka. Conrad talks about why he hated this as a child and loves it as an adult, Joe is disturbed by the amount of shampoo available on this world and they both marvel at the many levels this story works on.

Join Joe & Jack as they attempt to gas Solon to death before the Morbius creatures is on the rampage! We admire the Morbius’ hairy ass, discuss Terrance Dicks’ novel and ponder on all those Timeless Children Doctors.

Join Joe & Jack as they face the giant Macra claw of the Morbius creature! We marvel in the glorious tastelessness of a Brain splatting onto the floor and worry about poor Sarah Jane and her many tortures. Worzel Gummidge features.

Join Joe & Jack as they are almost burnt at the stake in the sacred flame chamber of the Sisterhood of Karn. We enthuse about the suspense generated by director Christopher Barry, marvel at the ripe, witty dialogue and marvel at the spittoon resting on Maren’s head.

Join Joe & Jack as they head to the storm lashed planet of Karn for what is technically a The Nimon Be Praised extra! Jack has zero respect for my fabulous intro, we are both in awe of the set design, and Joe can’t get over how grisly the cliffhanger turns out to be. (Sound check bolted on the end just for our rendition of the Tellytubbues theme tube).

Joe Lidster talks candidly about his time working on The Sarah Jane Adventures, and his conception, execution and revision of the series four story The Nightmare Man. It is a fascinating conversation packed with insights and tips about writing for television. I hope you enjoy. (All calls were recorded online and so sound quality can vary. Be kind).

Joe Lidster talks candidly about his time working on The Sarah Jane Adventures, and his conception, execution and revision of the series four story The Nightmare Man. It is a fascinating conversation packed with insights and tips about writing for television. I hope you enjoy. (All calls were recorded online and so sound quality can vary. Be kind).

Doc Holliday is back to claim his honour, the Doctor takes a backseat as the Clantons and the Earps face off at the OK Coral...

Jonny Ringo joins the action, Dodo has her finest moment and the story races towards an inevitable bloodbath...

The Cybermen are out of their Tombs, the Doctor is in a pensive mood ruminating about his family and the Cybermats gnash their fuzzy felt teeth en masse...

The hatch is open, the Cybermen are free and Klieg and Kaftan have stepped into the light...