A Hamster With a Blunt Penknife - a Doctor Who Commentary podcast

Joe & Mark; THERE WILL BE NO BATTLEFIELD! Why is Joe sniffing? Why is the Destroyer so cool? Should the Brig have died? And what about that charming coda? More on Bambera and how much we would have loved to have seen her back.

Joe & Mark; hairy chests and drippy mouths. Our love for Battlefield explodes into action! Where is Shou Young’s mother? Why is Morgaine so layered? And poor Sylv is wondering when it’s safe to walk across the set.

Joe & Mark; and the tragic tale of the Fantom signing. Which Battlefield spurned Mark? Who’s not joining the action? Why do we love Jean Marsh? And will Joe survive his childhood memory of the cliffhanger?

Joe & Mark; drinking Arthur’s Ale (anything but that beer!). Mark ADORES this, and Joe has done a 180 with it. The Brig, Bambera, Shou Young, Lavel, Morgaine, Mordred, Elizabeth & Patrick…too many great characters to go on an adventure with.

Joe & Lucy; and a dramatic U-turn into tragedy! Zaroff, his plan at its apotheosis, is ready to pull the massive phallic lever and destroy the world. And we couldn’t be more delighted for him.

Joe & Lucy; rebelling under the ocean! Joe needs help unpicking Zaroff’s fatal plan and Lucy is on hand to provide the logic! It’s pure farce this week, plankton is in short supply and nothing in the world is going to stop Zaroff now!

Joe & Lucy; & La Gette of Death! Zaroff! Moving pictures! Zaroff! The Temple! Zaroff! Silly hats! Zaroff! Sir Charles Grover! Zaroff! Insane plans! Zaroff!

Joe & Lucy; figuring out where they are in the Mediterranean! Dare you come beneath the waves and face the mighty Professor Zaroff, Fish People and blowy kazoos? We promise to celebrate, and laugh, and examine.

Joe & Mark; peeling scalps & being sucked into brains. Morally complex, impeccably acted, full of action, fascinating characters and confronting dialogue. This is one of the lesser episodes of series four?

Joe & Jason; and the Climax of Doom! Are we married at the end of this commentary? Is this an ‘evil’ climax? How is there no Achilles Heel? Junking this story - what a senseless waste!

Joe & Jason; and the dangers ramping up! What is yon fella’s mother in law responsible for? Was this bloated spider of a story responsible for tearing a new creative team apart? Is this the single most disquieting episode to date?

Joe & Jason; and the adventure of moving pictures! Featuring the Monk and his companions, Steven and Sara. Jason details two stunning directorial moments and we talk Dalekmania ratings (bollocks!).

Joe & Jason; & Doctor Who’s rudest line! Did Terry Nation dislike finishing his stories? Is Douglas Camfield a hero to attempt this endeavour? Is Egypt necessary or successful? And how fabulous does Hartnell look in that hat?

Joe & Jason; trapped on the planet Tigus! Why is the Monk a Monk? How would you make this a six parter? Why was Hartnell grumpy this week? How does Doctor Who switch tones with such confidence?

Joe & Toby; podcasts uniting to spread the love. What an extraordinary man Toby Hadoke is; insightful, generous, witty and self affecting. He has so many wonderful things to say about this story. Press play and smile.

Joe & Toby; hey who turned out the lights? What don’t we cover in this conversation? Peak Doctor Who; a brilliant writer and showrunner, a top cast and director, laughs and scares, and so many great ideas. Sublime.

Joe & Frazer; it was our moral duty! Featuring Willow! How do we sum this one up? Carrington, his terrifying plans come to fruition, and he’s forgiven by the Doctor who is trying to protect the monsters. Extraordinary.

Joe & Frazer; playing in pipes! Is Jon Pertwee a glowing asshole? Who is the best Cyril Shapps? Do Benton and Yates hinder the Brig? Is this episode padding? Are we heading to a thrilling climax?

Joe & Frazer; character assassination! We bring Benton into light and try and explore the suggestion he might be a murderer. The big question on our lips…WHO KILLED LENNOX? No stone is left unturned.

Joe & Frazer; Si has been kidnapped! Is the Brigadier at his most fuckable? Would kids have the patients to watch this? Is this Doctor Who characterisation at its best?

Joe & Frazer; and the ten minute Pertwee era discussion before the episode! Why does Joe like stroppy Doctors? Why is the Doctor exiled on Earth? And can Frazer mention the Brig’s bum again?

Joe & Frazer; fashion experts (apparently). Frazer drops early why Ambassadors is the best story ever. A massive celebration of Liz Shaw, and of female companions in general. We’re agog at the production value of this story.

Joe & Frazer; schwing! Guest starring Frazer’s puppy! Exemplary acting, writing, direction, music, characterisation - why does nobody rate this? Frazer and I are about to set the record straight - or at least give it a smoother re-entry.

Joe & Luke; all singing, all reputation saving! Perhaps the greatest work yet done in 🐹 - detailing all the reasons this episode is a brilliant. Luke & Joe took to social media on airing, we’re appalled, and now settle the score.

Joe & Si have lost the plot! Geriatric porn? Necrophilia? Calamity Jane? The Mexico People from Peru? William Russell’s sex life? And that’s just the first five minutes! Our professionalism is on fire here, as we learn not to meddle in history, but save a life.