1 Minute Political Update

Donald Trump said yesterday’s Super Bowl half-time show with Bad Bunny was an affront to the greatness of America (racism, anyone?) while a federal judge unfroze funds for a New York City transportation project that Trump withheld unless he got Dulles Airport and Penn Station renamed for him (narcissism, anyone?) Dig democracy? No one digs it like The States Project. Dig deeper at statesproject.or...

DESCRIPTION At the National Prayer Breakfast, Donald Trump called Kentucky Congressman Thomas Massie a moron and claimed you can’t be a person of faith and vote for a Democrat (how Christian of him) while economists said Trump has given us the worst January since the Great Depression (how thoughtful of him).

Donald Trump has called for U.S. elections to be nationalized despite the Constitution giving election oversight to the states (he claims the Constitution is a hoax) while Bill and Hillary Clinton will testify to the House Oversight Committee on Jeffrey Epstein (Bill because he was photographed with Epstein and Hillary because of her emails). Dig democracy? No one digs it like The States Project....

Donald Trump is shutting down the Kennedy Center for renovations—expect a bowling alley and a multiplex theater that will run “Melania” around the clock—while Trump is suing Grammy Awards’ host Trevor Noah for making a joke about Trump wanting Greenland as a replacement for Epstein’s Island. (Not a funny joke but probably true.)

Donald Trump is suing the IRS for $10 billion for disclosing his tax returns to the media six years ago, saying it caused irreparable harm to his reputation—there’s no bottom, is there?—while at the same time, he’s allowing ICE to remain in Minnesota where they’re free to kill U.S. citizens and snatch up small children. (There’s still no bottom, is there?). Dig democracy? No one digs it like The S...

Donald Trump announced he wants to de-escalate tensions in Minneapolis following the killing of two U.S. citizens by ICE by saying he wants to de-escalate tensions and not doing anything about it while Secretary of State Marco Rubio pledged to turn Venezuela from a criminal state to a criminal state run by a criminal U.S. president.

After ICE agents killed Alex Pretti, an ICU nurse who was helping a woman whom ICE pushed to the ground, Stephen Miller labeled him a would-be assassin (Joseph Goebbels would be proud) while Pam Bondi told Minnesota Governor Tim Walz law and order will be restored if he hands over the state’s voter rolls. (Extortion, anyone?)

Former January 6 Special Counsel Jack Smith testified in Congress about his case against Donald Trump where—spoiler alert—Republicans attacked him mercilessly while Trump inaugurated his Board of Peace, which is designed to maintain a ceasefire in Gaza and, in turn, earn Trump the coveted Board of Peace Prize.

Yesterday, Donald Trump touted his first-year accomplishments (not being impeached, for one) then told Norway’s prime minister that he’s going after Greenland because Norway didn’t give him the Nobel Peace Prize. (When told that the prize comes from the Norwegian Nobel Committee, not Norway, Trump retorted, “It’s Norway or the highway.”)

Pete Hegseth censured Senator Mark Kelly for telling military personnel not to follow illegal orders (What part of “don’t follow illegal orders” don’t you understand, Mr. Hegseth?) while Donald Trump said Renee Good—the Minneapolis mom killed by an ICE agent—was very disrespectful to law enforcement. (See 6, January.)

The DOJ is investigating Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell for lying about the cost of renovating the Federal Reserve’s headquarters (cue the laugh track) while Donald Trump is threatening to attack Iran over their killing of peaceful protesters (cue the irony track).

Only 584,000 jobs were created last year, the lowest number since 2003—Donald Trump blamed it on Haberdasher Harry Truman—while ICE shot and killed Minneapolis resident Renee Good who was a law-abiding citizen and not a domestic terrorist, a charge made Kristi Noem (an actual domestic terrorist).

A White House website hailed the mob who stormed the U.S. Capitol five years ago on January 6 as peaceful protesters, claiming they were provoked by Nancy Pelosi—their baseness is bottomless—while the U.S. announced it will control Venezuelan oil exports indefinitely. (Shocking!)

The U.S. invaded Venezuela and arrested its president on drug charges even though Trump pardoned the former Honduran president who was convicted on drug charges—it makes perfect sense if you’re on drugs—while Congress called the invasion illegal. (Trump claimed the invasion was legal under his Gulf of Donkin Resolution.)

Donald Trump posted that the White House doctors proclaimed him to be in perfect health—they also said RFK, Jr. was a perfect HHS secretary—and that he aced his cognitive examination, which included naming several barnyard animals along with the ex-Honduran president and drug lord he pardoned.

Donald Trump issued the first vetoes of his second term: One was for clean drinking water in Colorado (“When blue states stop stealing elections, they’ll get clean drinking water!”) and the other was to expand the land of the Miccosukee Tribe in Florida. (He’s still pissed the Washington Redskins had to change their name.)

Volodymyr Zelenskyy met with Donald Trump but failed to hammer out a peace plan—Zelenskyy wanted 50 years of security guarantees, Trump countered with 35 years and renaming the country Donald J. Trump-Ukraine—while the U.S. military is preparing to go to war with Venezuela. (Trump says there will be no land troops, only land sharks.)

After Donald Trump chatted with children on the phone about Santa Claus’ whereabouts as NORAD tracked his sleigh and how Democrats were going to tax their toys, he posted a video about the 2020 elections being stolen and how people should be arrested for treason. (Happy Holidays from hell!)

Speaker Mike Johnson sent the House of Representatives home for the holidays, leaving millions of Americans vulnerable to rising healthcare premiums (lump of coal, anyone?) while the Kennedy Center has been renamed the Trump Kennedy Center (end of days, anyone?). 

In a TV address tonight, Donad Trump may announce America is going to war with Venezuela because of Joe Biden’s open borders while also doubling down on his Truth Social post that film director Rob Reiner died because of the anger he caused over Trump Derangement Syndrome. (Truth Social should be changed to Truth Sociopath.)

Marco Rubio announced the State Department will stop using the Calibri font for official communications—which is easier for visually impaired employees to read—and switch to Times New Roman because if there’s anything Rubio hates more than diversity and inclusion, it’s diverse and inclusive typefaces. 

Marjorie Taylor Greene bashed Donald Trump—who said he never heard of her and if he did hear of her, he wouldn’t like her—while the Trump administration removed Martin Luther King Jr. Day and Juneteenth from the list of free attendance days at national parks, replacing them with Trump’s birthday. (That’s white of them.)

Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy is urging air travelers to dress better and be more civil—cue the laugh track—while Donald Trump has added his name to the U.S. Institute of Peace building. (But it’s not remotely legal as he added it in the middle of the night using an autopen.)

Marco Rubio said more work need to be done to end the Russia-Ukraine war—like forcing Ukraine to give Russia everything it wants—while Donald Trump said he felt good about pardoning former Honduran president and convicted U.S. drug-trafficker Juan Orlando Hernandez because “I like doing nice things for nice people.”

Donald Trump said six Democrats who told the military to refuse illegal orders—like bombing alleged drug boats—should be hanged for seditious behavior (i.e., truth telling) while Karoline Leavitt explained that Trump called a female reporter “piggy” because he’s open and honest (unlike Joe Biden who wanted to call female reporters “piggy” but was too senile and called them “Ziggy”).