The Cannon Cruisers

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! This week, we’re diving into Real Genius (1985), a sci-fi comedy directed by Martha Coolidge and starring a young Val Kilmer as Chris Knight—a laid-back genius caught up in a military-funded laser project. As he and his fellow students juggle college life and high-stakes science, they uncover a plot that forces them to fight back with brains and a bit of mischief. We brea...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! This week, we’re taking a look at Batteries Not Included (1987), a sci-fi comedy-drama directed by Matthew Robbins and produced by Steven Spielberg. The film follows a group of elderly tenants trying to save their building from demolition—until a few tiny flying robots show up to help. It’s part urban drama, part whimsical fantasy, and very much a product of its time. Wit...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! This week, we’re diving into VFW (2019), a gritty action splatter film directed by Joe Begos. Set in a rundown veterans’ hall, the story follows a group of war vets forced to fight off a gang of violent drug addicts trying to recover stolen contraband. With Stephen Lang, William Sadler, and Martin Kove leading the charge, the film delivers blood, tension, and no shortage...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! This week, we’re exploring Amanda and the Alien (1995), also known as Alien Love , a made-for-cable sci-fi comedy based on a short story by Robert Silverberg. J.D. and Randy take a look at this oddball story about a shape-shifting alien on the run and the young woman who decides to help it, with a cast that includes Nicole Eggert, Michael Dorn, and Stacey Keach. We talk a...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! This week, we’re diving into the 1986 sci-fi comedy Short Circuit , directed by John Badham. The story follows Number Five, a military robot who gets struck by lightning, gains sentience, and escapes into the real world. With Steve Guttenberg, Ally Sheedy, and Tim Blaney voicing Johnny Five, this one mixes 80s charm, humour, and just a bit of existential pondering. We tal...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! This week, we’re diving into The Skateboard Kid 2 (1994), the sequel that somehow ups the weirdness with an alien skateboard and a plot that barely holds together. This time, it’s about a kid named Sammy who gets a flying skateboard from space and tries to win a local skate competition—because why not? We break down the film’s baffling story choices, odd character interac...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! This week, we’re taking a wild ride through Top Secret! (1984), a chaotic spoof from the Zucker Brothers that mashes Cold War spy tropes with 1950s rock musicals. Val Kilmer makes his film debut as Nick Rivers, a rock star who stumbles into a plot involving a kidnapped scientist and an underground resistance in East Germany. We talk about the film’s genre mashup, its ridi...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! This week, we’re cruising through The French Connection (1971), the gritty neo-noir thriller directed by William Friedkin. Gene Hackman stars as Popeye Doyle, a relentless narcotics cop navigating the dangerous streets of 1970s New York. It's a tense, street-level look at crime, obsession, and moral ambiguity. We break down the film’s legendary car chase, the grim fee...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! This week, we’re looking at The Skateboard Kid (1993), a family comedy about Zach Tyler, a kid who’s adjusting to life in a new town. With help from a magical talking skateboard—voiced by Dom DeLuise—Zach deals with bullies and stumbles into a treasure hunt full of odd misadventures. We break down the film’s strange premise, its low-budget effects, and some of the more qu...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! This week, we’re diving into Cube (1997), a Canadian indie sci-fi thriller that traps seven strangers in a deadly maze of rooms rigged with lethal traps. Directed by Vincenzo Natali and made on a tiny $350,000 budget, this cult classic stands out for its tense atmosphere and unique premise. We get into the film’s claustrophobic setting, sharp character dynamics, and the h...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! This week, we’re trudging through Grizzly 2: Revenge (2020), a film that spent 27 years in limbo before finally being released. Featuring blink-and-you’ll-miss-them early roles from George Clooney, Laura Dern, and Charlie Sheen, this bizarre sequel to the 1976 original blends horror with concert footage in a way that barely holds together. We break down the film’s messy p...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! This week, we’re diving into The Lake Michigan Monster (2018), an adventure comedy horror film that follows an alcoholic sea captain and his misfit crew on a mission to take down a mysterious lake monster. Made for just $7,000, this indie oddity is packed with absurd humour, wild storytelling, and a distinct low-budget charm. We break down its black-and-white aesthetic, a...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! This week, we’re diving into Ninja Terminator (1985), the chaotic cult classic directed by Godfrey Ho. Starring Richard Harrison, this film mashes together ninja action and baffling storytelling using Ho’s infamous “Frankenstein” editing style, splicing footage from unrelated Hong Kong films into one hilariously disjointed adventure. We’re breaking down the nonsensical pl...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! This week, we’re taking a wild ride through Mac and Me (1988), the sci-fi family film directed by Stuart Raffill. This one follows a young boy in a wheelchair who befriends Mac, an alien separated from its family after a NASA mishap on Mars. What follows is a bizarre adventure packed with product placements, questionable logic, and unintentional comedy. We break down the...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! This week, we’re going back to 1989 with the action-comedy Tango & Cash , starring Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell. Directed by Andrei Konchalovsky (and a few others), this one follows two rival LAPD cops who get framed for a crime they didn’t commit. To clear their names, they have to put their differences aside and take down the real villain. We break down the f...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! This week, we’re diving into the 1987 Tales for All film The Great Land of Small , directed by Vojtěch Jasný. We follow two kids on a strange adventure through a magical forest, where they meet Fritz, a leprechaun-like creature, and face Slimo, a dark god who thrives on chaos. This episode, we break down the film’s bizarre mix of fairy tale elements and its uniquely Canad...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! This week, we’re taking a ride back to the 90s with Drive (1997). Don’t confuse it with the 2011 film—this one stars Mark Dacascos as Toby Wong, a prototype enhanced human on the run from Chinese hitmen. Along the way, he teams up with a dreadlocked bystander played by Kadeem Hardison. Directed by Steve Wang ( Guyver 2: Dark Hero ), Drive blends American and Hong Kong act...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! We’re back with another episode, diving into the 1984 Canadian drama The Dog Who Stopped the War ( La Guerre des Tuques ). This is the first official entry in the Tales for All series, following our looks at The Christmas Martian and The Peanut Butter Solution . This time, we’re talking about a group of kids waging an epic imaginary winter war, complete with snowball figh...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! We’re back with a festive bonus episode, diving into the quirky holiday film Le Marchand de Noël —better known as The Christmas Martian . This 1971 Canadian oddity is often seen as the unofficial start of the Tales for All series, mixing extraterrestrial antics with holiday cheer. In this episode, we talk about the story of Pooh Flower, a Martian who lands in a small Queb...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! We’re back with a deep dive into Strike Commando (1987), an Italian action film directed by Bruno Mattei. This is 80s action at its finest, with Reb Brown starring as a soldier in Vietnam caught in a story of betrayal and explosive revenge. This episode, we’re talking about everything that makes Strike Commando a cult favourite—over-the-top action, its unapologetic homage...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! We’re back with yet another Bonus Feature. This week, we’re talking about Death Machine (1994), a cyberpunk horror film and the directorial debut of Stephen Norrington, who later went on to make Blade . This one’s packed with 90s action, horror, and some dark humour. The story follows a corporation under siege by its own deadly creation—a lethal machine designed by a mad...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans!  JD and Randy are back this week to delve into the 1988 horror sequel  Phantasm 2 , directed by Don Coscarelli. This long-awaited follow-up to the 1979 cult classic  Phantasm  stars James Le Gros, Reggie Bannister, and Angus Scrimm as the iconic Tall Man. In  Phantasm 2 , Mike, freshly released from a psychiatric hospital, teams up with Reggie to confront the sinister Tal...

Cannon Cruisers fans, JD and Randy are back with an all new Bonus Feature! This time, we're talking about Tremors 2: Aftershocks (1996), the Western comedy horror sequel to the cult hit Tremors . Directed by S.S. Wilson, it stars Fred Ward, Christopher Garten, Michael Gross, and Helen Shaver. In Aftershocks , Earl Bassett (Ward) returns to hunt Graboids terrorizing a Mexican oil plantation. But th...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! JD and Randy are back with another episode, covering Blast (1997), directed by Albert Pyun. This Die Hard-inspired thriller stars Linden Ashby, Andrew Divoff, and Kimberly Warren, with Rutger Hauer stealing scenes in a memorable role. The film follows Jack Bryant (Ashby), a janitor thrust into action when terrorists take the US Olympic swim team hostage. Despite its low b...

Hey Cannon Cruisers fans! JD and Randy are back to talk about The Primevals (2023), directed by David Allen and co-written by Randall William Cook. This long-awaited film, nearly 50 years in the making, stars Juliet Mills, Richard Joseph Paul, and Liam Rusum. The Primevals takes inspiration from classic Lost World adventures. It follows a group of explorers who encounter an ancient civilization an...