So Very Wrong About Games

I never really understood the term "undead." I mean, it's a binary, right? If it's not dead it must be alive, at least in the context of things that could or were once alive. The negation never seemed to be doing enough work to imply what it was intended to imply. That is, until Walker and Mark got sick. They're not dead, but going straight to "alive" seems a rather hopeful exaggeration. Undead se...

We haul ourselves off of our deathbeds to deliver this episode unto you. Prospects for our recovery seem dim, but we would sooner die than deprive you of that which is most sacred--namely content. Of course, illness may yet claim us, but we are far too stoic and noble to complain. 01:49 AYURIS: Stroganov (Andreas Steding, Game Brewer, 2021) Games Played Last Week: 04:46 -Hissy Fit (Levi Robertson...

We present to you a specially chemically-enhanced episode. Walker has been doping specifically in preparation, eschewing any sustenance other than military-grade lozenges. Mark will be performing his hosting duties while fully immersed in a tank of benzocaine oral painkiller. It is a good thing that the International Olympic Committee has no sway here in SVWAG studios, or we would likely get disqu...

For reasons both personal and highly arbitrary, the SVWAG style guide (authored by gibbons, of course) does not countenance using the word "teach" as a noun, with the possible exception as a casual nickname for a teacher. Thus a game does not, in our parlance, have a "teach" except insofar as you call the person explaining the rules to you "teach". As in, "yo, teach, thanks for doing this thankles...

Before shouting about toys professionally, Mark taught ethics at a health sciences university. He discussed matters of life and death, of cutting edge controversial technologies, of war and politics, and matters of fundamental rights and duties. He has learned two lessons from those experiences: never ever talk about animal rights with a pit bull owner, and his views on Mass Effect are vastly more...

Walker was all like "there's this card effect in Successors" and Mark was all like "nuh-uh" but Walker was like "yeah, fer sure" and Mark goes "no way" and Walker says "way" and that's a 100% accurate transcript. 01:53 AYURIS: Dice Realms (Thomas Lehmann, Rio Grande Games, 2022) Games Played Last Week: 04:07 -Lorenzo il Magnifico (Flaminia Brasini, Virginio Gigli, and Simone Luciani, Cranio Creati...

The theory of the atom first posited by the pre-Socratic philosopher Democritus in roughly the 4th Century BCE. None of his actual writings have survived. The great thing about the pre-Socratics is that so few of their works are available, you can spend about ten minutes (or less!) and have read as much of their stuff as have the world's leading experts.  Games Played Last Week: 01:53 -Kingdom Rus...

Every man wants to be a macho, macho man To have the kind of body always in demand Jogging in the mornings, go man go Work outs in the health spa, muscles glow You can best believe that he's a macho man Ready to get down with, anyone he can You can tell a macho, he has a funky walk His western shirts and leather, always look so boss Funky with his body, he's a king Call him Mister Ego, dig his cha...

Let us, following in Andy Schwarz's example, highlight the fine work of Nancy Skinner, a California state senator whose "Fair Pay to Play Act" granted college athletes in California the right to profit from their name, image, and likeness. This forced the NCAA to allow such changes more broadly. It hasn't been perfect, but let's acknowledge one thing: if someone's gonna be making millions off your...

It has been many a year since our early days, our salad days when we were younger and dumb and didn't know what we were doing. Much has changed, in that we are now older and dumb and don't know what we're doing. But the inexorable march of time has at least offered many new offerings in the broad tent of dexterity games, and so it is past time that we focus on one of our preferred genus of toy. 01...

A pretty solid rule of thumb is that if you've been disappointed in a kind of game, try David Thompson's version of it and see how delightful it can be. Hidden movement got you down? Sniper Elite is the cure. Abstract chunky tiled fighty thing didn't please? War Chest might please. Mediocre skirmish cramping your style? For What Remains is ready to serve. It's a good thing he has styles of games h...

As ever, and with no clue what a lang syne is (much less an auld-y type configuration), we embrace the new year by commemorating the old. We would venture that the new year only truly begins once SVWAG has given its imprimatur on the best game published in the preceding year. The Julian Calendar was abandoned in favour of the Gregorian, and it is evident that the Gregorian should be abandoned in f...

Heraclitus, an ancient Greek philosopher, claimed that you never step in the same river twice; for it is not the same river and you are not the same person. Such as it is with games! They are reprinted and thus reborn, all along some blurred spectrum of redesign spanning from carbon copy all the way to entirely new design. Let us not forget Heraclitus' student Cratylus, who evidently thought Herac...

"This here's a jam for all the gamers Tryin' to do what those rulebooks offer Get shot down 'cause you're overzealous Take too long, opponents get jealous Ok, smarty, go to a party Games are on the menu for everybody You wanna play a game that's more complexer But you're standin' on the wall like you was Poindexter A game is laid out, one not played out The options unfold and your mind just spins...

Just before Mark is de-platformed, he would like to remind the SVWAG audience of two very important facts. First, he is but a man shouting into a can, and just because he doesn't like the thing you like doesn't make either less worthy of respect, dignity, and chocolate. He is willing to accept the possibility that he's Playing It Wrong and/or Doesn't Get It and/or needs to Git Gud and/or is just i...

A review of So Very Wrong About Games, not actually by Werner Herzog: "To listen to SVWAG is to court madness. One host is beholden to the delusion that if he utters sufficient words in a short period of time he may stave off his inevitable death, whereas the other grapples with the false consciousness of refusing to acknowledge life's meaninglessness. Collectively their banter serves as a cruel r...

Dexterity games, dismissed by many in the board game world as children's toys (whereas, by contrast, we laud them as children's toys), can offer a unique window into the player's soul. A fine dexterity game is a crucible in which one's true character emerges. Are you an assertive, grandiose table-hog capable of great feats but undone by hubris? Are you a small-minded, plodding dilettante lacking i...

There's no time no time at all we must get to the games there's been so many all the time one after another hurry hurry we must get to all of the games 01:26 AYURIS: Riftforce (Carlo Bortolini, 1 More Time Games, 2021) Games Played Last Week: 03:07 -Septima (Robin Hegedűs, Mindclash Games, 2023) 10:42 -White Castle (Israel Cendrero & Sheila Santos, Devir Games, 2023) 16:25 -Paku Paku (Antoine Bauz...

The shift from Beckett references to low-grade puns might strike one as jarring, but it is important to note that both hosts have essentially been twelve going on sixty for most of their lives. If it's not juvenile and/or obscure, it is difficult for the hosts to process--they become disoriented and frightened. In such circumstances, a nice Star Control II reference will probably calm them down. H...

One has to be careful in buffet situations. There are so many options, and you are pulled in so many different directions. You must differentiate the false urgency from the genuinely pressing, and it is a test of your evaluation and timing skills to successfully navigate your priorities. What to do, and when? How much of what? If you fail to make the wise choices, you might not get through the des...

"'Well, I remember it as though it were an episode ago' Said Walker the Host as he reeled back to clear whatever foreign matter May have nestled its way into his mighty throat Many a poor design had met its demise while staring point-blank down The cavernous barrel of this awesome critical machine Truly a wonder of nature, this urban gamer Walker the Host had many a story to tell And it was a freq...

On October 27th, 1962, a man named Vasili Arkhipov saved the world. Literally. Had he not stood up to his commanding officer and refused to launch a nuclear warhead during the Cuban Missile Crisis, the resulting retaliations would have obliterated all human life. Probably the marmosets and gibbons, too. We here at SVWAG think the man deserves a holiday in his honour, especially given that we all o...

"Somethin' tells me it's all happening at the zoo I do believe it I do believe it's true The monkeys stand for honesty Giraffes are insincere And the elephants are kindly but they're dumb Orangutans are skeptical Of changes in their cages And the zookeeper is very fond of rum Zebras are reactionaries Antelopes are missionaries Pigeons plot in secrecy And hamsters turn on frequently What a gas, you...

It's all Fat Bear Week and puns this week, both of which share one important characteristic--they have distended, pendulous bellies. Wait, that wasn't it. It's that they are both to be respected for their power and danger. Those people you hear about who try to live with bears always suffer the same fates as the serial deployers of puns, in that they are both found dead and alone.  Games Played La...

We turn to yet another discussion of important issues in boardgaming, this time  WE INTERRUPT YOUR SILLY EPISODE NOTES FOR A SERIOUS ANNOUNCEMENT It is fat bear week! The possibility of a US federal government shutdown has been averted, and thus the voting public (even foreigners, we won't tell) may vote on which lorge bois of the ursine variety shall take the prize! For those uninitiated, the US...