Pixelated Sausage - Attack the Backlog

This episode of Attack the Backlog  is all about Armed and Dangerous, a game that’s been sitting on my hard drive for years now, mocking me every time I look at my Xbox library with its top placement upon my alphabetically-ordered collection of download games, saying nothing short of, “Looks like someone’s still too scared to get a little dangerous.” Well, Armed and Da...

This episode of Attack the Backlog  is all about...nothing in particular. That's right, this is not your traditional episode. Instead of talking about a single game like Marc usually does, they decide to get a little personal and apologize for a 2023 of so-so content--which they're sure you'll say they don't need to apologize for--before talking about what they hope for and plan to do in the...

This episode of Attack the Backlog  is all about Goat Simulator,  a game where you simulate being a goat by licking everything you can see, headbutting everyone until they pee, and wrecking general chaos with a face full of glee, even though you’d much rather be playing General Chaos for Genesis...or maybe that’s just me.

This episode of Attack the Backlog  is all about Heaven Dust, a game that takes inspiration to a whole new level, copying Resident Evil to a T…virus, from the key art to the gameplay to the structure to the story to the window…to the wall, ‘til blood drip down them walls, all these zombies crawl, y’all shoot shoot shoot shoot them in the head, y’all shoot shoot...

This episode of Attack the Backlog  is all about The Dark Pictures Anthology: Man of Medan, a game where you play as a bunch of rich kids trying to find buried treasure because, despite being rich, they’re not rich enough to pay for all the plastic surgery it would take to make Julie go from hideous monster to the madame of meDAMN girl, you fine. But then some dumb pirates, a boring gho...

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Paratopic, a game I can't quite explain, where jump cuts are plentiful as you play; a game you could finish in just one day, in just one sitting, in fact, I say; a game I recommend despite my haze, for fans of David Lynch, Twin Peaks, and his crazy ways; a game I played, that you can play, so I say, not tomorrow, but today; if I were to give it a gra...

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Terminator: Resistance--aka, Terminator: Resources--the game where you pick up everything you can see because, "Oooo, look, so shiny," and are marked for termination because you never learned that sharing is caring. You also shoot the occasional robot and have awkward sex, but the majority of the game is collecting all the shit you can find so you ca...

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about The Walking Zombie 2, a first-person shooter where you go on short missions to kill all the zombies, or missions to collect goods and kill all the zombies, or missions to find buried treasure and kill all the zombies, or missions to defend your home base and kill all zombies, or even missions to rescue kidnapped survivors and kill all the zombies (or...

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Hyper Gunsport, a cyberpunk volleyball game where hands are replaced with guns (not literally) and enjoyment is replaced with the opposite of fun (yes literally). Despite some nice visuals and an alright idea, Hyper Gunsport doesn't live up to its potential thanks to poor controls and a general lack of excitement that left me feeling zero desire to k...

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Bowser's Fury, the additional content included with the Switch port of Super Mario 3D World, where Mario gets his very own harem of pussy(cats) while also getting his Powers Rangers in super-sized battles against kaiju Bowser in extra large Cat Mario form, all of it set in a moderately-sized open world as opposed to being level-based like your more t...

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Police Chase, a game where you play as the police and chase NO ONE until the last few missions, where you’re stuck chasing super cars in your stupid and slow police van because no one told you you could walk out of your car and into a different, shiny, fast one, except maybe they did and you just weren’t paying attention due to being dist...

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about The Crew 2, a game where you can drive, fly, or boat yourself through an incredibly truncated and disproportionate version of the United States, all in the pursuit of completing numerous events that fill the map with more icons than anyone could ever hope to complete because when you say icon, I say, “Icon’t.” And to that point, I l...

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Vampire Survivors, a game that sucks away most of the controls so you can watch numbers explode…eventually…because, oh my, does Survivors start slow. Vampire Survivors is a game that asks very little of you input-wise, but demands all of your attention–a bit of a weird dichotomy–but if you take the time to learn its intricac...

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about The Simpsons: Hit & Run--the game many called, "Grand Theft Simpsons," but is really just, "The Simpsons: Road Rage 2: Now You Can Get Out of the Car, Too," not to rhyme 2 with too, but I did, like I do, so poo of me, and sorry to you. Does that sound like a good time? Do you think I had a good time? All those answers and more can be found w...

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about G.I. Joe: Operation Blackout, "a team-based third-person shooter where you play as your favorite characters from Team G.I. Joe and Team Cobra. Experience the action from both sides as you help G.I. Joe restore order and lead Cobra to world domination." Does that sound like a good time? Do you think I had a good time? All those answers and more can be...

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Transformers: War for Cybertron, a third-person shooter set in the Transformers universe before they made their way to earth, meaning there's sadly no Shias or Marky Marks in sight. Also not in sight is ammo thanks to a baffling ammo system that's guaranteed to annoy everyone who dares play this game. If that's not enough, also missing is color, some...

Most of you will be shocked to hear that Big Rumble Boxing: Creed Champions isn't that bad. I sure was when I played the game; however, that initial positive shock was followed by a much greater negative shock: the price tag. As surprisingly not terrible as Big Rumble Boxing is, it's got a significant lack of content problem. Based on what's there (and what's not there), one would assume Big Rumbl...

I could try and find something to say here--something, anything of value--but I've got nothing, which is quite suiting since CrossfireX also has nothing--no fun, no content, and, oh yeah, no more existence either. This is not a traditional episode of Attack the Backlog and CrossfireX is not your traditional Attack the Backlog game/experience; however, it is what it is and that's about as much as I...

This episode of Attack the Backlog is all about Picross S, a picture crossword puzzle game that's strength is in its simplicity, providing enough challenge to engage the brain while never becoming too challenging to frustrate. It is thanks to this that it is one of the most relaxing and enjoyable puzzle games I've played in years; I only wish I didn't wait so long to finally get to the series, but...

This smurf of Attack the Smurflog is all about The Smurfs - Mission Vileaf, a 3D platformer with vibrant, colorful smurf, pacing that keeps things feeling smurfy throughout, and a smurf that feels good, which, let’s be honest, is the most important smurf of all. But don't just take my smurf for it, give this smurf a smurf or smurf and I'm sure you'll smurf exactly what I'm smurfing about...

I wish I suffered from memory loss so I could forget ever playing NERF Legends; however, I'm at a loss for words instead. I honestly don't know what to say. NERF Legends is bad. It's not kind of bad, or, "so bad it's good," bad, it's just bad-bad. Without a single redeeming quality, NERF Legends is indeed a thing of legends as it will forever be one of the worst games I've ever played for Attack t...

I honestly can't think of anything to say and it's driving me a bit insane, so I'm just going shut up and let this here episode do all the talking as I turn around to escape my brain with a bit of fast walking; however, let me say one thing before I go: Wave Race 64 is a good time and a Nintendo 64 game that holds up as not just okay, but surprisingly great. And with that, I’ve nothing left...

I was beyond excited to return to The Punisher well over a decade since I played it last, but sometimes excitement is met with crushing disappointment and crushed I was this time. What I remembered being a fun and over-the-top action game fitting of the Punisher's name turned out to be a simple and boring exercise of repetition and poorly balanced difficulty spikes. Not even Thomas Jane himself co...

It's a sad day when you return to a series you once loved only to find out that love is no more. That was the case for me and Animal Crossing: New Horizons. You may be wondering, "Is it my fault or the game's fault?" The answer isn't that simple; the answer is both and neither. Ultimately, some things change and some things don't and this just happened to be a case where those that changed no long...

You know a game is special when you can take a break for years and return as if no time had passed at all. That was my experience with Slime Rancher, a game about sucking up slimes and spitting them into little prisons so you can force feed them until they shit their figurative pants, all so you can take that shit and sell it on the poo, I mean, plort market. There is, of course, more to it than j...