Modern Love

On her first day of college, Elizabeth Banks met a cute guy at a party. This was long before her roles in “Pitch Perfect” and “30 Rock.” A lot has changed, but 33 years later Banks is still with that same cute guy. In this episode of “Modern Love,” she tells our host, Anna Martin, about the intense conversations and difficult decisions that have kept her relationship alive. And, she reads “ Making...

It was Stefanie and Jonathan’s worst nightmare: Jonathan’s depression had become so severe he was begging to be taken to the hospital. Stefanie took him to the hospital and then took care of everything else for the family. When she married Jonathan years earlier, Stefanie knew about his mental health struggles. But she wasn’t prepared for this moment. Then, Stefanie fell apart too — and it was Jon...

In their buzzy new film, “The Drama,” Zendaya and Robert Pattinson play an engaged couple whose relationship is imploding. With their wedding just a week away, Emma (Zendaya) reveals a shocking secret about her past that sends her fiancé, Charlie (Pattinson), into a self-destructive spiral of doubt. The stakes are high for these fictional lovers, but the underlying relationship anxiety is relatabl...

This week, we have an update to one of our favorite interviews from last year. When Jacob Hoff and Samantha Greenstone met, they became instant best friends. Then, even though Jacob was gay, they realized that their feelings for each other were evolving beyond the platonic, and they decided to give romance a try. On this episode, Hoff and Greenstone tell Anna Martin, host of “Modern Love,” how the...

When Joan Price's husband died, her grief left her feeling alienated from her body. She was numb. She couldn’t have orgasms. Her sex drive disappeared. Joan understood better than most people the importance of a fulfilling sex life; as a sex educator for older adults, she centered her work around pleasure and desire. So, she began the process of rediscovering what it means to feel good after loss....

Jessie Buckley is nominated for best actress at the Oscars this weekend, for her performance in the movie “Hamnet.” She plays the wife of William Shakespeare — and a grieving mother — as the couple confronts the loss of their only son. The role has already won her a Golden Globe, a BAFTA and an Actor Award. In a conversation on “ The Sunday Daily ,” The Times’s chief movie critic, Manohla Dargis,...

When she was growing up, the writer Lindy West was bombarded with negative messages about being fat. The whole world seemed to think she didn’t deserve love unless she lost weight. In her first book, “Shrill,” West wrote about how hard it was to combat fatphobia within herself, in society and on the internet, where she was attacked by some particularly vicious trolls. By the end of the book, West...

When Helena de Groot was a child, she pictured an exciting future for herself: living in a big city, getting an apartment with lots of plants, having a creative job and going dancing on the weekends. She never saw becoming a mother as part of that future. When people asked, she told them she didn’t want children. As she grew up, got married and watched her friends become parents, she stood by that...

Julia Stoller loved her dad. But she never wanted to be him. He was a rule follower, he was so serious, and he was so straight . Then, when Julia was in her 20s, she got a phone call that completely changed her idea of who her father was. And as he opened up to her, sharing secrets he had been holding onto for decades, she was finally able to open up to him, too. This week on “Modern Love,” Anna t...

Recently, the “Modern Love” team asked you to share stories about the most romantic things that have ever happened to you. What struck us about your stories was how frequently romance was found in quiet, everyday actions: rubbing your loved one’s feet, paying the bill, changing a flat tire, eating dinner together on the porch. This week, in celebration of Valentine’s Day, we hear stories that remi...

Please note: this episode contains explicit descriptions of sex. Jennette McCurdy pretty much grew up in front of an audience. In her role on the Nickelodeon show “iCarly,” she seemed like a bubbly, happy teenager. Behind the scenes, though, she was struggling. In her 2022 memoir, “I’m Glad My Mom Died,” McCurdy described her toxic and often abusive relationship with her mother, her struggles with...

When Jordan Carlos looks back on the role he was playing in his family a few years ago, he does not like what he sees. He was bringing home a good salary as a comedian, but doing only the bare minimum as a husband and a dad. When Jordan did show up at home, he was more likely to take the kids out for an all-day candy binge than to take them to the dentist or to tuck them in by bedtime. But Jordan...

Sam Graham-Felsen was not a tough child. He feared violence and didn’t feel that he could stand up for himself when he was bullied. His fear ate away at his confidence; he was afraid to go on dates, afraid to try hard in school. As an adult, he thought he had moved past those fears. But then he started to notice some of those same tendencies in his young son. Sam wanted to change that, so he took...

Belle Burden was living the kind of life most can only dream of. Born into a wealthy New York family, she married a dashing attorney who had swept her off her feet. The couple had a beautiful apartment in Manhattan, a summer house on Martha’s Vineyard, three children, and what Belle thought was a happy marriage. Then, after 20 years, with no warning, her husband told her he wanted a divorce. Belle...

Do you think you could be having better sex? Are you confident you know what really turns you on? What makes your body feel good? How do you communicate about it? Nicole McNichols wants everyone to be asking these questions. Dr. McNichols is a psychology professor at the University of Washington, where she teaches a class on human sexuality to over 4,000 students a year. She has immersed herself i...

This emotional interview with the actor Andrew Garfield is a listener favorite. In it, Garfield talks about his 2024 film “We Live in Time,” in which he plays a newly divorced man named Tobias who falls in love with a chef named Almut, played by Florence Pugh. Their story feels epic and expansive, but still intimate. It focuses on the small, everyday moments that make up a love story: washing dish...

When it came time to retire, Robyn Yerian didn’t feel like she had enough money saved. She didn’t want to depend on her children or end up in a nursing home, so she cashed out what she had in her 401(k) and bought a plot of land in East Texas. She built spots for tiny homes and called the area the Bird’s Nest.   Over time, the Bird’s Nest has become home to a community of women who are rethinking...

The actor Jessie Buckley says she wasn’t surprised that she got pregnant right after she finished shooting “Hamnet.” The film — starring Paul Mescal as William Shakespeare and Buckley as his wife, Agnes — tells the story of a couple grieving the loss of their only son. “When I was filming ‘Hamnet,’ I deeply wanted to become a mother,” Buckley says. “And it was such a gift to move through this woma...

When Clare Cory was a young girl, she dreamed of love. But by the time she turned 50, she hadn’t found it. Still, she took a look around and found she was happy and looking forward to the future. Clare fell in love with life. She saw flowers bloom, watched sunlight sparkle on the water and held her cat on her lap. Her heart was full. And then, as Clare faced cancer and was about to turn 60, romanc...

The holiday season is upon us. It’s a wonderful time, but if we’re being honest, it’s also a little stressful. Whether you’re worried about hosting a big family gathering, talking with cousins who have very different perspectives on politics or awkward questions from prying aunts, the holidays are full of complicated relationship dynamics.  On this episode of “Modern Love,” Nedra Glover Tawwab, a...

According to Ramit Sethi, a personal finance author and coach, a lot of couples get stuck bickering about everyday purchases. If you’re hung up on what’s in the cart at Target, or who’s buying too many iced teas on the way to work, Sethi says you’re missing the bigger picture, and a chance to live what he calls a truly “rich life” together.  Sethi is the author of “I Will Teach You To Be Rich” and...

Janene Lin loathed the moment when the dinner bill would hit the table. When her date would pay, she felt like her love was for sale. Splitting the bill felt like no one had anything at stake. Most of the time, she would pay the bill herself, but that left her feeling uncared-for. So Janene prepared a pitch: On her next date, her third with a man named Aodhán, she would ask to open a joint bank ac...

Andrea Gibson was the poet laureate of Colorado and a giant of the spoken word poetry scene. This past July, Gibson died of ovarian cancer, leaving behind their devoted fans, friends, family and longtime partner, the poet Megan Falley. For the last year of Gibson’s life, a film crew followed Andrea and Megan as they navigated countless treatments and moments of triumph. In the darkest of times, th...

Natasha Cloud is a powerhouse. The New York Liberty point guard seems to have it all: a successful W.N.B.A. career, fierce confidence and a loving relationship with her girlfriend and teammate, Isabelle Harrison. On and off the court, Cloud radiates self-assurance and seems to know exactly who she is, but that sense of self was hard-won. In a conversation with “Modern Love” podcast host Anna Marti...

In cities across China, there’s a special kind of consultant you can hire if you find out your spouse is cheating. They’re called “mistress dispellers,” and their job is to work their way into your spouse’s life, get close to their lover and convince the pair to break it off. When all goes according to plan, the cheaters end up believing it was their idea to end the affair. In this episode of “Mod...