Nic Cage has to team-up with his partner "Dead Meat" and a 16 year old bullied teenager to take down a team of bank-robbing mercenaries that have a combined IQ of DUUUUMMMMBBBB. Here comes the idiot plot. Yes its a DTV Nic Cage movie. You probably know what you're getting into with this. Is it his worst? No. Is it fun? Well.....If you like the idiot plot (all drivers of the plot must be total moro...

Gary Busey does some crimes, gets the chair and with the help of his momma hatches a very dubious but tasty way to enact his revenge against those that he did crimes against. I don't know. Look he's a talking murder cookie. What do you want here? Ok this isn't exactly  Macbeth here. Its a Charles Band movie called  The Gingerdead Man . Its ridiculous. I think you know the level of intell...

Yeah these guys aren't taking over a mound of dirt. A handful of little and very inept ETs come to Earth to mess up the holidays for a family. Little did they know, they aren't good at anything. So its a super 0 budget film that is put together by the Polonia brothers as part of their long running series of hobby films. That might turn quite a few people off but somehow this one that should cause...

Planning on holding hostages over the holidays? Better think again, because Santa will straight mess you up in so, so, so many ways. In the late 70's and 80's there was a string of terrible "Christmas" movies that featured Santa or a Santa facsimile going on a murderous rampage ( Santa's Slay, Santa Claws, Silent Night, Deadly Night 1-3, et al. ). It could be an easy mistake to confuse this movie...

Over-editing, bad actors and continuity problems plague not just the film but the Miami Sharks as well in Oliver Stone's complete mess of a tale about football (maybe). Let me just start out by saying, I despise this movie. I didn't want to do it for the podcast. I still wish we hadn't. Its an insufferable mess that is 2 and 1/2 hours of my time wasted. I'm not a big sports movie guy and I'm espec...

This week we split up the way too long and way to many cuts, Oliver Stone hates the NFL movie with Al Pacino. Expect Sam and Justin to weakly impersonate Al and go on diatribes about football inaccuracies and Jackie talks penis. More to come next week!

Go to a beach resort and find yourself craving Worther's and looking for the Ben Gay. M. Knight is back on the podcast for another chapter in his nonsensical filmography. So if you saw any trailer for this movie (see above) you already know the hook and most of the plot. You might expect some big twist considering the director and there is one but its very small and doesn't really change much so w...

The Russian mafia hatches a plan to blackmail America with the threat of Greek Fire microchip bombs delivered via Chinese counterfeit Levi's. The only thing standing in their way is CIA agent and his mark, a pants seller. Whatta bombshell plot! So its the film that kept JCVD out of movie theaters all the way until The Expendables.  And there is a pretty good reason for that. Its either a) con...

Snoop takes us on a horror ride in an anthology shaped Cadillac as he collects to souls of the damned to be his neighbors as he rules the subdivision, The Hood of Horrors, in hell. Get ready for a grotesque block party! So go into this knowing that it only cost $5 million in 2006. That's not a ton of money. With that knowledge in mind, this is an very tight efficient little package. You've got ani...

A poisonous cat climbs into the body of another cat, escapes onto a crime yacht with some sexy coeds and proceeds to commit its own vigilantism. Its full on cat justice! So let's get to the point -  Uninvited  is sheer ridiculousness. Its a GREAT bad movie. Every aspect of this thing is exactly what you're signing up for, especially if you like baffling and non-frightening movie monsters...

Lets put a terrible cast with no professional singing experience around a terrible script all while performing some of the worst music ever recorded. Time for Stinker Madness to step on some hair metal feelers. Now don't go storming the capital, but the late 80's hair metal/butt rock genre is a bunch of garbage. Which is fine. But this movie isn't. It's garbage. Nothing can be forgiven here, such...

Air humping in leg warmers meets journalistic malfeasance and everyone's lives are ruined. But hey! Jaime Lee is hot, so I guess that's ok. Hailed as the film that ended Travolta's career (briefly, lets be honest) and set Jamie Lee back a few years,  Perfect is anything but. Its way too long for such a paper thin plot and is stuffed with repeated unnecessary and irrelevant scenes that keep it...

A lack of the scientific method causes a medical failure that could still be cleared up with just a simple conversation. Yes, the MCU has their own idiot plot now. So basically, Michael Morbius has a rare, but vaguely proclaimed, bone/muscle disease that gives him and his bestie "Milo" (played by Matt Smith) a ticking clock of death that requires him to create a remedy that he alone can test on hi...

3 little hemorrhoids, who are trained to be silent assassins by their "Ninja Tournament" winning grandfather, go to Japan to recover/keep a dagger that is used to unlock a treasure vault/give the same dagger to the winner of the "Ninja Tournament" in time to get home for little league played by adult men and farts. I can't express my contempt for 3 Ninjas Kick Back in words. I will instead commit&...

Well here it is - this is the absolute worst movie we've ever had on the podcast. Ok so what must a film do to be a 1 star film? Well, first it obviously must suck. It has to be a terrible viewing experience. It has to contribute NOTHING of value to the viewer. But with all those pieces, we still give 2 stars for just those items. Making a movie is damn tough and just getting it done gives it a si...

The guy from Double Dragon teams up with the guy from a spinoff of The Cosby Show (ew) and that lady who died of mold in that documentary in one of the most under-rated bonkers banana business masterpieces of karate comedy ever put to film.  What a undiscovered treasure this masterpiece is. Just one year after this was released to video a movie was put in theaters and received much acclaim, s...

Good ol' Fred Flintstone gets caught up in a criminal conspiracy to defraud Slate Co's investors and embezzle millions of shells all while risking the lives of his family and destroying his neighbor and best friend's career, home, family and his dignity. Whatta guy! From the get-go you know something is wrong here. Fred is just a big of piece of toxic garbage. Yes, I know the character was based o...

A tow truck driver decides to make a movie that teaches us a master class on how to boost cars. Someone knows way too much about stealing cars here. So along the same vein as  Miami Connection ,  Deadbeat by Dawn , and  The Room a guy who doesn't have any training or experience making movies uses his dubious personal funds to make his dream project - a movie. That's what H.B. Haleck...

Getting from here to there has never been so dangerous! Dom Delouse wouldn't have survived 30 feet from the start line. So yeah, its a Cannonball run. That's about all it has in common with the Burt Reynolds classic. This isn't much of a laugh goofball screw fest. What we have here is something in between Deathrace 2000 and Cannonball Run. Its not really funny. Its not really that campy. But its n...

One tough cop and one tough public defender team up to take down the entire NYPD and one guy who owns a sex club and likes illegal street racing. The only thing standing in their way? More grenades. Do not be mislead by the very positive reviews by the critics here. This has got a 70% on Rottentomatoes . That is absolutely insane. This movie stinks, in a good way, but it stinks and it stinks hard....

Sure, its just West Side Story with skateboards but its....uh....hmmmm. I guess that's it. What you've got here is your classic tale of boy wants to win skateboarding competition, boy meets his rival, boy meets girl, girl is rivals sister, boy and rival skateboard joust with bean bags in a burning drainage ditch, boy blames girl, boy beats rival in downhill skateboarding competition, rival and boy...

When the only way to get revenge for your brother's death is to drive at 200 MPH, don't. Because apparently you don't need to, or can't, or it really wasn't anybody's fault except your brothers. I mean the list goes on and on. So this is an Asylum movie, which we tend to steer very clear of because of the complete lack of writing that takes place and their usually horrible visuals. Well this makes...

Billie Jean leads a movement of oppressed 80's kids against.....adults? Because she wants that damn $608 and FAIR IS FAIR! So once upon a hot summer in Corpus Christi, a 14 year old guy named Binx gets his sweet scooter trashed by some older d-bags. His older sister goes to the dad of said punk and demands he repay for the damages. Instead that guy tries to put her on a rape-repayment plan and get...

Christian Slater is a skateboarding detective who will stop at nothing to solve the murder of his adopted brother, including using his dead bro's ex, complicity in manslaughter and traffic violations. Traffic violations!!! So Brian (Christian Slater) is a teenage punk whose only outlet in life is some serious thrashing on his skateboard. When his brother gets fired from his video store job for loo...

The 90's most Xtreme dude finds himself on an erupting ski slope. We're gonna shred some gnar over that volcano right? Well....no. What we've got here is another  Zombeavers . You want to talk about a great premise and setup for a fun disaster film that you won't ever forget? This is it. Dan Cortese in the late 90's on the slopes. A volcano surrounded by snow ready to blow. A deadbeat dad tha...