Modern Love

Kacey Vu Shap had no desire to return to the Vietnamese orphanage of his youth. As a child, whenever he told people he was adopted, he would say that he came “premade” — that he spontaneously appeared one day at the Baltimore airport, greeted by a new family bearing flowers and kisses. “It was easier to sanitize my story by speaking only of my life as Kacey, who was loved and wanted, than to tell...

Welcome to our season premiere. Seven years into a serious relationship, Jake Maynard got a text from his mother: “Gramma Gert: 3, Jake: 0.” This was her way of telling him that his grandmother, in her 80s, was getting married for the third time, while Jake remained unmarried and childless in his late 20s. His family found this strange. Stranger still, at least in Jake’s view, was his grandmother’...

The Modern Love podcast will be back for a new season on May 12, with new episodes on Wednesdays. We hope you’ll join us! You can find more info about the new season here . 

When Laura and her husband divorced after two decades of marriage, their “little Colorado mountain town” could barely tell. It was quiet compared to the dramatic natural disasters that were afflicting the area — like flooding and wildfires. There were no raised voices, no feelings of fury. So why did they split? In the lead-up to their divorce, Laura had a revelation about what good love — the kin...

This holiday season, it’s OK to want more. Paula grew up in foster care, and year after year she would find herself “clobbered by desire” when the holidays rolled around. She longed for a mother and father to rescue her and “make everything better”; she wished for the hip-huggers and games she saw on TV.When she was 21, she met a man named Jeff who ruptured this annual cycle of desire. He became t...

This episode contains descriptions of domestic violence. In 2013, Courtney Queeney published an essay about surviving domestic violence and the legal proceedings that followed. She described going to a courthouse every two weeks to renew her emergency protection order against her ex. It was during this period that she found “scattered bright spots” — things to laugh about when everything seemed un...

When Bette met her husband, he was leaning against a wall at a party. He had, as she put it, “smoldering looks and banked fires.” He was from Brooklyn; she was from the Bronx. She assumed his silent “bad boy” vibe meant “dangerous love and dramatic heartbreak.”They got married, and she realized that she’d misread his quiet demeanor: “His eyes were simply beautiful, and his silence wasn’t fierce; h...

Andrew and Sarah met on a dating app. Their first date was just supposed to be coffee, but it lasted nine glorious hours. They talked nonstop across four San Francisco neighborhoods. But by 2 a.m., Sarah had an admission to make. She told Andrew, who is Asian-American, that his “race might be an issue.” Andrew was shocked. The kicker? Sarah is also Asian-American. Today, we hear both sides of this...

Sarah and Liz met on a blind date in New York City. Sarah ordered a club soda with a splash of cranberry juice. Liz ordered wine — twice. A few weeks into dating, while taking a walk together through Chelsea Market, a feeling crystallized for Liz: “I knew in the way seasons change that I would love her before this one ended.”In order to make this work, Liz knew she could no longer hide from Sarah...

Feeling election stress? Today's stories about a man and his dog may help. Timothy Braun was on a run through the Texas heat. When he stopped at a local animal shelter for a drink of water, he was taken by a dog who stared at him with pointy ears and mismatched eyes — one brown, one blue. He had no intention of adopting a dog, but “out of curiosity, or God knows what” he looked into the dog’s fold...

In college, Malcolm Conner penned a rambling email intended for his crush. “You have cow eyes,” he wrote. “I know that sounds like a bad thing but have you ever looked into a cow’s eyes? They are so deep and brown and beautiful.”What he hadn’t disclosed — to his crush or to anyone at school — was that he was transgender and had transitioned at age 15. But he knew he had to tell this “charismatic a...

They disagreed on a lot of things: She was a “bleeding-heart liberal”; he was a “conservative libertarian.” He “came from good Irish Catholic stock”; she called herself a “hopeful agnostic.”When the firefighter chased her down the street to ask her out, she pinned him as “a bald, white, middle-aged New York City cliché.”On their first date, no topic was off-limits. Not racism, not abortion, not su...

This episode contains strong language. On the first episode of the new Modern Love podcast, we hear from two women who examine their lives through the contents of their homes — the car in the driveway, the stained teacups, the razor and shaving cream by the sink. Though easy to ignore, these everyday objects often tell a larger story. Featured stories: “Bye Bye ‘Family’ Minivan," Kyrie Robinson “T...

Love is going to sound a little different this season. Tune into the first episode on Oct. 14, with new episodes every Wednesday.

In this week’s essay, Lilian Oben writes about how essential it is to be seen in relationships — to be able to take up space, without being asked to change who we are. Her essay is read by Zawe Ashton ("Betrayal").

Do you tell your friends you love them? And do you say it like that, using those words? Is it easy for you to say? Is it fraught? Ricardo Jaramillo takes those questions on in this week’s essay. It’s read by Ncuti Gatwa, who stars in “Sex Education” on Netflix.

Lorraine Toussaint ("The Glorias") reads an essay by Kim McLarin. Then, we catch up with Kim to hear how she is doing in this moment.

Hasan Minhaj ("Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj") reads Brian Goedde's essay about a man investigating his own breakup.

Saoirse Ronan ("Little Women") reads an essay about how a language barrier impacts the relationship between a young woman and an Iraqi doctor. This is an encore presentation.

"Lolita," Vladimir Nabokov’s novel about a man’s sexual obsession with a young girl, is famously controversial. But when Bindu Bansinath started to read it, it unexpectedly became a kind of road map for her, showing her a way out of the situation she was in. Jameela Jamil ("I Weigh") reads her piece.

Living alone can be liberating, maddening, joyful ... lonely.  It also might feel very different today than it did several months ago. This episode features stories from people who live alone, telling us how they are doing right now.

If you're running out of things to do at home — or if you just need a break from stress and worry — we have a suggestion. Listen to this week's episode featuring Gillian Jacobs and Mandy Len Catron, and then try the 36 questions that (may) lead to love. You can find the 36 questions here: https://nyti.ms/2SFbICi

Daisy Edgar-Jones (Hulu's "Normal People") reads Kyleigh Leddy's essay, about the online presence people leave behind.

What if all the conventional wisdom about why you are single is wrong? Laura Prepon ("You And I, As Mothers") reads Sara Eckel's essay.

We hear more of your stories about how the COVID-19 outbreak has changed your relationships with one another.