No Crying In Baseball

The Angels-Mariners brawl turns out to be a treasure trove of boyfriend activity including suspensions, pizza deliveries, giant tips for drivers, and another Abigail Situation. We break down Freddie’s no good very bad week. Pottymouth un-dumps Jerran Duran and puts dibs on Jonathan Araúz as a possible future bp. We say farewell to Lo Cain , welcome our As bfs to the show, and appreciate Raimel Tap...

We learned that commenting on the pace of a game in progress is as bad as saying “no-hitter” in the midst of one, and get called “Karen” for noting that a combined no-no is different from a no-no. We launch into the SCOTUS rant that you knew was coming, but don’t worry, we deftly tie it to baseball and provide a checklist of specific actions including standing up AND sitting down, and being like L...

While  Pottymouth takes in an As game with our west coast pals, Patti holds the fort with guest host, and avid softball fan, Avery. Avery recaps the glory that is the champion Oklahoma Sooners softball team, led by star coach Patty Glasso and reminds us of the joy of watching action-packed college softball. In boyfriend news we praise Adley’s bat but worry about his qHar, praise Mark Canha and Tai...

Patti is back from the plague, in time for the boyfriend home run barrage. Former bfs light up Gerrit Cole for home runs in the first three batters of a game. Three bfs currently on the Nationals homer back to back to back. Pottymouth wants bonus qHAR points for clutch pitching from Camilo Doval. Adley’s bat wakes up, Jake’s stays woke, and Jazz introduces the “I don’t care” tool to the collection...

We’ve got a position player pitching! Patti is out with the plague which counts as down by 6 runs, so West Coast Correspondent Deborah joins Pottymouth and her Jamesons-spiked coffee for this week’s show. We give a rundown on notable Pride month actions including Tampa Bay using the Progress Pride symbol (which is inclusive of black and brown and trans people) but leaving it to an “individual deci...

After a field trip to see the Fredericksburg Nationals, Patti and the Pottymouth recorded this snack-sized, but jam-packed, episode over pizza and beer and perilously close to corn hole. The good news is we did NOT get kicked out of the ballpark (officially or recreationally) for sharing any of our opinions which appeared to differ greatly from the majority of the fans in the park, if t-shirt sent...

Dr. Meredith Wills joins us to talk about what’s up with the dead /mushy/ squishy baseball. We learn about her years as the “ destroyer of baseballs ” to look for changes in construction, materials, anything that makes the ball behave differently from year to year or even game to game. Consider the humidor! Our give the ball to a kid mantra evolves into a more complicated algorithm ending in “ sen...

During a *real* no-hitter , Patti’s former forever BF Anthony Rendon homers from the left off of the “American Ohtani” and her other former forever BF Christian Yelich hits for his 3rd cycle vs the Reds. Pottymouth’s forever BF Juan Soto walks into history books once again. Mauricio Dubón and his childhood dream go to the Astros, James McCann is about to gain superpowers, and Josh Naylor earns his...

This episode, recorded on location in Rochester, NY on Mother’s Day morning, features spiked coffee and more than the usual number of people named Pottymouth. Our AAA Rochester Redwings outing was like a visit to boyfriends past, with a pitch clock. “ Adley Watch ” and “ adorable fourth grader of the week ” appear to be new regular segments – the latter with the takeaways that 1) vaccinations make...

Patti is willing to die on the hill of a combined no-hitter not being a no-no. Pottymouth is deeply tired of discussing Trevor Bauer who is appealing his record-setting suspension but otherwise is not appealing in any way. The Contreras brothers and the “brothers” from the Bahamas ( Jazz and Lucius ) warm our hearts this week, as does too-soon BF Christian Pache . Carlos Rodón is a bright spot in...

In this snack-sized episode, Patti and Pottymouth hit the road to see some High-A baseball and record on location at Wilmington Brew Works . Yankees fans pelt Guardians outfielders with debris and it may be our fault for not including “ Just don’t throw shit on the field ” in our ballpark rules. Myles Straw climbing the outfield wall to defend Steven Kwan inks him onto Patti’s BF list for next yea...

Alyssa Nakken makes history again while just doing her job adjacent to an “unfortunate racist incident” as we remind you that there’s a reason unwritten rules aren’t written. Alec Bohm makes 1) Patti’s Phillies prediction come true early and 2) Pottymouth feel right at home. Ke’Bryan Hayes rakes in the beer money while Heliot Ramos settles for a cup of coffee. Joe Maddon sends Corey Seager on a su...

Opening weekend brought us PitchCom , a couple of bench-clearing conversations, and a labor rant about MLB mobile ordering not allowing us to tip our stadium workers. Seth Beer proves our bf designation absolutely on point, plus boyfriend heroics from Teoscar Hernandez , Bobby Witt, Jr ., and Juan Soto. There’s former bf joy with Nelson Cruz (if you *have* to have a DH…) and picked too soon Joey B...

Patti and the Pottymouth boldly predict the upcoming season’s award winners and champions . Our logic is as airtight as you would expect (Patti goes where the Matts go and Pottymouth follows her heart). The minor leagues are brazenly getting to second base more quickly, and taking all of our money with this year’s ¡Copa de Diversión! merch. We congratulate the Tigers for treating Tork right, the C...

Patti and the Pottymouth reveal their Fantasy Boyfriend Baseball rosters for the new season, backing up their selections with references to Wardle vs Wordle strategies, adult beverages, philanthropy, children, and cars . So that tracks. Sticky stuff is back, bringing a new level of awkward to umpire duties. NYC caves to the sports lobby and rolls back a vaccine mandate , while Toronto fans tell un...

NCiB boyfriends of the past are making splashy news in trades and free agency .  We dwell on Freddie and the Welcome Matts, Eugenio ’s qHar, and Miami’s Soler power, among other big bats and homecomings. We profile our fantasy pitching squads – Pottymouth goes west coast with Giants pitching, and Patti is still grooving on Hammers pitching since the World Series. COVID protocols are back in conver...

Cheers to the end of the lockout, the beginning of spring training, and finally an Opening Day countdown. Patti walks you through the new CBA agreement including the rule changes , the Police Blotter feels like old times, and Pottymouth suffers the first bitter breakup of the current boyfriend season. We celebrate Pottymouth’s restraint in having saved Wander Franco until this year as her Ray’s pi...

There should be a new NCiB drinking game for the number of times we say “league-imposed lock-out” in this episode. This week’s CBA negotiation update requires Patti to add yet another layer of complication to Rule 5 Draft , talk about ghost wins (they are a thing!), note that the player’s union is taking steps to protect stadium workers but as yet the League is all talk, and remind dear listeners...

We get feisty over “hostile” CBA negotiations , and stand with “furious” players. We call Rob Manfred on his ridiculous assertion that there is a deadline that needs to be met or games get canceled. It’s YOUR lockout, MLB!  Thank you Atlanta Hammers for being compelled to release your financials therefore providing actual data. And for you billionaire vs millionaire folks, please give Sara Sanchez...

Forced to find the good in the Yankees, Pottymouth is clearly won over by new BF Estevan Florial . Patti gives the nod to impeccably groomed Giancarlo Stanton and his “fricking forearms.” For the Cardinals, Pottymouth flies like an eagle with Edmundo “Mundito” Sosa and Patti cheers Noots-not-boos for Lars Nootbaar . We note that it is the lockout, not CBA negotiations, forcing a delay in spring tr...

Superb Owl Sunday was the greatest cross training day of our lives. We discuss the problematic boys vs men conversation in Olympic hockey and then immediately reference baby goalies, and Patti gets uppity about her alma mater. This week brings the longest police blotter of all time, featuring domestic abuse , assault , a class action suit , and controlled substances . We are very quick to judge, b...

CBA negotiations heat up a notch as the League tries to bring in the Feds while the Players instead bring in the fans. Cowboy Joe hangs up his chest protector and yet still no women umpires in sight. Pottymouth adds a prize to her Hernandez collection, naming Teoscar as her Blue Jays boyfriend. Patti puts in a bid for beer with the Biggios with her pick of Cavan . For the Reds, Pottymouth Blind Si...

Patti and the Pottymouth make plans to join Big Papi at Cooperstown for the impending zoo and a voting makeover. There is some movement on both sides of the CBA negotiations but the stated  willingness on the part of the league to miss games is Very Disappointing. The Minors will start on time and eyes will be on the mandated housing for players and the newly un-mandated vaccine situation. Pottymo...

Today’s episode features a surprising number of references to Roberto Clemente, awkward puns, and post-production inserts. Pottymouth goes full Criollos for this week’s boyfriend picks – Vimael Machín for Oakland and no-no catcher Victor Caratini for the Padres. Patti’s A’s guy is Skye Bolt for many reasons that are not his name, and exercises her once a year forever boyfriend option on Padre Jake...

We celebrate declaring boyfriends for the Guardians instead of “The Cleveland Team.” Pals Pottymouth and Patti choose pals Yu Chang and Bobby Bradley . For the Mets, Pottymouth looks to Yadi fan Tomás Nido , while Patti goes local with Adam Jones fan Khalil Lee . International Signing Day brings a phenomenon to the Nationals and “Little Altuve” to the Blue Jays. The League brought a disappointing...