Welcome To Earth

Today Zach and Roberto start by talking to Donkey Dave, a cave dwelling stoner (vampire?) who wants to throw a dinner party for Zach’s retirement. Roberto then chats to Amafrog, a Hollywood sweetheart and perfectly normal Scandinavian person who has lost many leading man roles to his nemesis, Kermit the Frog. Later, during Zach’s retirement party they all try to figure out the mystery behind Barry...

Zach and Roberto start off the episode hooting and hollering with their first guest, a cowboy named Kirby Enthusiasm. Kirby treats his cows ethically, farmers’ daughters tenderly and loves to tell stories of his travels. After that hootenanny Zach talks to Caldwell Felgerman, the ideal man. Caldwell details why he typifies what it means to be a man as well as his struggles with being a germaphobe....

To start things off Zach and Roberto talk to Ricky Basketball who is feeling very nervous about an imminent date with a woman whom he’s never met. Roberto then talks to Pippin Grear who is attempting to lead a resistance against the AI uprising after narrowly escaping a blood thirsty Boston Dynamics robot piloted by some Backstreet Boys. Near the end of Pippin’s segment a ghost from the hallway wa...

Starting things off today Zach and Roberto chat with the amiable Paris Clifton (Darryl Charles) who is in the noble profession of selling suitcases. Things take on a more sour note later when they call on Big Gravy to perform hell magic to grow Paris into a taller man. The spell ends up getting botched and Zach is left mutilated and Roberto is accidentally killed again. Finally Zach (and Roberto?)...

Today's episode starts off with Zach and Roberto talking to an undercover boss named Schneedly Grip. I'm not sure what his business is, but it sounds illegal. Zach then catches up with Big Gravy who accidentally burns Roberto to dust. And to finish things off Roberto introduces a guest with a shocking twist -- Big Gravy's brother, Big Wiz. It's a rather touching reunion. 

This episode starts with a bang as Zach and Roberto interview a TV presenter who also happens to be part of the Illuminati, Steven Stargazer. Steven attempts to forcibly recruit Roberto into the famously secretive organization but Big Gravy returns from his sexy space voyage to save him. After everyone settles down Zach chats with a foley artist named Frank Foley who sets him fun foley-related cha...

Today’s show starts with Zach and Roberto interviewing a man who claims to have worked in IT at a local gym, Theodore Larbo (Larb for short), and wants a new job as the main sound engineer on Welcome To Earth. Then Roberto chats with a retired surgeon named Dr. Piggy Smalls (or the Notorious P. MD for fun) who has very eventful and horny vacations. Lastly but certainly not leastly Zach does his be...

The Saga series are episodes where we shine a spotlight on one recurring character that has had an ongoing storyline in our universe. This Saga episode is a compilation of the first three appearances of Chad Puffrickles, as portrayed by Zach Duncan. Chad started as a charming southern rogue lost in the building and has evolved into a steam power cyborg that temporarily took over the podcast studio...

Terry, the mad scientist slash Frankenstein-esque monster, returns to the show to prepare Zach and Roberto for the imminent incursion of angry Wisconsin scientists who want to kill Terry. The crisis is averted by mulch. Really. After the break Zach talks to an author named Geraldo Springs who has a very peculiar reaction to being asked questions. Finally, Chad Puffrickles also returns for another...

Big Gravy comes back on the show to catch Zach and Roberto up on how he’s spent his afterlife working for both Satan and Santa. Then Roberto speaks with a ship engineer from Saturn, named Glizznoq, whose ship (the USS Fiddlesticks) is on an intragalactic sexploration mission. Two young brothers, Kid and Barney Jefferies, join Zach for the last segment during which Kid reveals his superhuman bear p...

Matt Hurley joins Zach and Roberto today to discuss what it has been like for him to found the new Port Comedy Club in Baltimore. Later, Schmitty McFallsalot returns to the show to continue his tragic love/war saga with President Theodore Walton, his assistant Garth and Schmitty’s wife, Angela D’labecio. Lastly, Zach chats with The Hamburgler.. like, the actual Hamburgler.. and they delve into his...

A business woman and self-described “queenpin” named Felicity Sky joins Zach and Roberto to discuss everything from her criminal empire, to branding tips, to her brother Rick’s unfortunate head injury. Then Emperor Palpatine comes back to show Zach what’s new in his life before accidentally ingesting powerful hallucinogens. Lastly Roberto and Felicity chat with a bus driver and connoisseur of stra...

To kick off her press tour Boogie Garland comes by to talk with Zach and Roberto about her new “arthouse” film and discuss her very storied career. Later, Bill Smart comes back on the podcast with fresh revelations for Zach that Jesus Christ himself has been given Bill a new physical body and told him the real reason Roman fell. Zach, being the curious little quizbox that he is, got Jesus on the p...

In an attempt to bring more attention to his museum’s art exhibits, Horus Warnock joins Zach and Roberto with the revelation that he routinely has to fight off vampires and that he himself may be a mummy. Zach then chats with a sentient Dodge Ram named Joke Rogan and Zach tries and fails to convince it to dance. Lastly Engineer Josh planned a surprise guest that would help Roberto get in the Chris...

This episode of Two Kings, One Podcast starts with Zach and Roberto as the titular kings chatting with Little Joey Matthews. Little Joey performs his a cappella act around the world hoping that his ne’er-do-well father (whom he’s never met) will see him and lead to a reunion. Later, Cinnamon Jack, another traveling singer, chats with Zach about his struggle with creativity in his music career. Als...

Fresh from his escape from hell, Bad Gravy (nee Big) has come to inform Zach and Roberto of how living in the realm of the damned changes a person. Then, The T3rm1n@t0r (Terminator, for those who don’t read 1337) tries to teach Roberto how to type safely and reveals his deep love of nature. To wrap things up Zach chats with a timeless shadow monster known as “Little Man” who accepts secrets as cur...

An escaped seal named Pinocchio joins us hot on the heels of his escape from the DC zoo to inform Zach and Roberto about how evil “animal experts” are. Zach then starts chatting with Daniel Crackcorn, an animal expert, who reveals a hidden secret about seals — namely that they can be transformed by saying their true names. Then Zach and Roberto are joined by a Martian, Gilroy Schclamm, who first h...

Hoo boy, this one is an adventure. Karl Kapricorn, a self-professed bad life coach, joins us to talk about how to make everyone cooler. Then Chad Puffrickles joins us for his second appearance and ends up deposing Zach and Roberto from their duties as co-full-hosts. Finally, from their secret recording area in a broom closet Zach and Roberto chat with King Arcaos about family, philosophy and what...

Count Chronicles (the chronicle count) descends upon our podcast studio to give us a spooky lesson in vampire politics and government programs. He also becomes more French as the recording continues. Later we get the bujeezus scared out of us by a ghost called Wendell "The Wingless Wanderer". Things turn into something of a dating show when Engineer Josh decides which of our guests he wants to dat...

There was an old guy, Bill Smart, hanging around the studio so we decided to talk to him. Then the President of the Bubble Wisconsin, Theodore Walton, graces us with an unexpected love triangle. Schmitty McFallsalot returns to report back from Tibet. Terry makes a brief appearance.

Doctor Frankenstein joins us to find love for himself and his created son. Big Gravy returns to hang with his best friend Zach and defend America against bigots. Celebrity adjacent Hugh Braxton stops by to express his backward beliefs in an ill-defined accent.

We start by getting to know Baltimore comic Jeff King. We side step into teaching Emperor Palpatine to chill. We shimmy down to Garthyaride for interdimensional travel stories. We blow through a stop sign on the way to learning hacking tips from T3rm1nator. 

The deep mysteries of witch magic and business acumen are discussed by Big Gravy. Next we have a surprise guest, Chad, who is a steam powered robot and the most alpha guy we've met. Finally we talk to Terry, a world renown scientist and Frankenstein's monster, about his dating tips.

In our pilot episode Zach and Roberto begin to uncover the mysteries of life outside of our planet by first speaking to a cartoon character, Clippy Craftsman. Then, bubble universe exile Schmitty McFallsalot explains the nuances of keeping his universe's border clean. Later, camp councilor Derek DeShaun defends the strange rituals performed at his camp.