The Opinion Machine???

#358 The Kevin Hart Comedy Roast Made Me Sad So Now You Have To Listen To Me Bitch About It.

#357 Awetheism - Wolf Spiders, Pigeons, Crows… Why Aren’t Science & Religion Best Friends?

#356 White Guilt, White Privilege & White Burden. White People Have Been Abused For Decades.

#355 Lowering The Bar So Idiots Like Me Feel Like Geniuses - Covid, NFTs, Crypto & Top Shelf Booze

#354 Sadie Winters Will Never Break Your Heart Because Sadie Winters Doesn’t Exist.

#353 Reading Is For Dummies. Yeah, You Read That Correctly, Dummy.

#352 American Idol vs Educated A-Holes

#351 A Pigeon Named Rose - Abortion, Assassination, Denial & Compulsory State Indoctrination

#350 The Age Of Consent - Being Forced To Strip Naked In Front Of My Teachers & Peers, Like You.

#349 Hate Incorporated - How The Left Calls Everything “Hate” In Order To Steal Your Stuff

#348 Comedy In 2026 Is Depressing - I Kinda Review Miniature Wife, Outcome, Cameo & More

Wherein I analyze and theorize about an inorganic phenomenon known as “Clavicular”. Lots of wild speculation here. No refunds. Smug 60 minutes Furk https://youtu.be/CXKCoFz3WRs?si=tlVcDZwBgWvOYZ3p Smug Andy Channel Five https://youtu.be/-_6mni6k0Zw?si=WY9DU4F5s4mU4N6Y Disgusting Piers Morgan https://youtu.be/xQvhqt2r2l8?si=Wm1oJolSowF3gJcr Critical Clavicular timeline & analysis. https://youtu.be/...

#345 Don’t Listen To This If You Think The Pope Is A Good Guy, (Unless You Enjoy Being Angry)

For My Friends Who Suffered The Spiritual Abuse Known As “Q”, & Even The Few Who Still Do.

Retarded Man Explains Integrity On His Tiny Dumb YouTube Channel

#342 Time To Lose More Followers By Agreeing With King Cheeto. It’s Your Own Damn Fault If You Listen

Wherein I do as advertised, plus take a few side roads around the moon. Extra complainy, this one. Guaranteed to send a few of yous packin’. No refunds.

Wherein, I talk about how I was unable to become friends with and save Reggie Watts from liberalism, even though, its seems like I should have been able to. I also talk about an insane double amputee friends of mine, who had all her limbs when we first became friends. I also forgot the names of the following people: Scott Auckerman (Comedy Bang Bang) Amanda LePore, (Drag queen.) James Corden (Fat...

Wherein I talk shit about Thomas Dolby and tell you how Thomas Dolby is such a forgettable one hit wonder that almost everyone mistakes him for Howard Jones. I repeat Thomas Dolby’s name a lot here in hopes that Thomas Dolby’s few stupid fans get shown this recording of me talking shit about Thomas Dolby, that unmemorable, hair plugging, dork. Thomas Dolby sucks. Fork Thomas Dolby. No refunds.

Wherein I pivot from bad customer service offered by corporations, to the much worse constituent disservice provided by every bureaucratic government and government mandated agency. When charm and deception seem like your only way to balance the universe, it ain’t hard to ignore and put on a happy face. Does anyone read these descriptions? Probably not. Damn I waste a lot of time. No refunds.

Wherein I implore the people who ask me for advice to think about what they are doing. Tangents and rambling as usual. No refunds.

Wherein I explore the topic of dream journaling and why I can’t figure out why people don’t seem to give a shit about the miracle of dreams. I know I sound like a child. I don’t care. Dreams are worth acknowledging and remembering and if you think that is dumb, I think you are dumb. Mexican stand off. Your move, Consuela, No refunds.

Wherein I tell you about my day yesterday, in which I dealt with no fewer than 30 incompetent customer service reps, only one of which I could say was white. It was miserable. Unbelievable really. I’m dehydrated and hoarse in this one because I do not play nice with incompetent foreigners hired to demoralize and humiliate me. Skip this one. No refunds.

Wherein I give the origin story behind changing my name to ???, how it didn’t really work, and how it was born out of wearing too many hats in my old band, only to have the Internet erase my involvement in it. Jerks. Swim Herschel Swim, is the name of that band. I write that here for the internet crawling robots who insist that the internet is the only way to verify the truth. I probably already t...

Wherein I sermonize about the sermonizers and why you might want to consider just how silly their hats are before you take them seriously. I argue that funny hats are really little more than liability waivers that make you responsible for taking any dumb advice literally. Funny hats should be for fun, not for authority. This is another one of those times when God is punching us in the face with “d...