Soiled Restroom Cinema

The Cinematic Flushers take on lame superheroes !  When the Silver Surfer ( Laurence Fishburne ) shows up on Earth as a harbinger for a planet eating cloud called Galactus, it's up to the Fantastic Four to stop him.  What follows are 92 minutes of unfinished CGI, bad practical effects, boring action sequences, and Jessica Alba decked out like a living sex doll. Here's the TRAILER . Our special gue...

The Cinematic Flushers take on a riptide !  When a ruthless business woman ( Priyanka Chopra ) wants to control all the real estate in a South California bay, it's up to Mitch Buchannon ( Dwayne Johnson ) and his team of lifeguards to stop her.  What follows are 116 minutes of obvious source material references, lame penis gags, green screen actions scenes, and actor Zac Efron looking like a manne...

The Cinematic Flushers take on a Monkey's Paw !  When a high school student ( Joey King ) discovers a Chinese wishpot found by her trash picking father ( Ryan Phillippe ), she begins making wishes to change her life, only to find they come with deadly consequences.  What follows are 90 minutes of cheap looking props, day player deaths, PINK PANTHER acting, and actress Sherilyn Fenn desperate to ma...

The Cinematic Flushers take on cell phone apps !  When a multi faced emoji named Gene ( T.J. Miller ) accidentally send the wrong face to his owner's phone, he embarks on a journey of discovery to correct the problem.  What follows are 86 minutes of stale jokes, embarrassing character voices, shameless product placement, and talk show host James Corden doing more upstaging than Miss Piggy on THE M...

It's NETFLIX N SHART!  The Cinematic Flushers take on alternate dimensions !  When a group of scientists aboard a space station unwittingly find themselves trapped in an alternate dimension while searching for a new source of energy for a dying Earth, they must find a way home and save their planet.  What follows are 102 minutes of what-the-hell plot points, b-movie acting, shameless franchise bra...

The Cinematic Flushers take on centerfolds !  When a high school senior ( Zach Cregger ) awakens from a four year coma, he embarks on a cross country trip with his best friend ( Trevor Moore ) to meet his old girlfriend ( Raquel Alessi ) who has become a Playboy centerfold.  What follows are 90 minutes of crude sexist jokes, poop humor, call in a favor cameos, and actor Craig Robinson as a rap sta...

The Cinematic Flushers are back for 2018 and trying to find their mummies !  When a military treasure hunter ( Tom Cruise ) unwittingly releases an ancient evil in the form of mummy Sofia Boutella , he spends the rest of the running time trying to escape her curse.  What follows are 110 minutes of franchise building subplots, smart characters doing dumb things, uneven CGI effects, and actor Russel...

The Cinematic Flushers take on puppet reindeer !  When Santa Claus ( David Huddleston ) and his old lady freeze to death at the North Pole, they are taken in by a group of toy making elves and tasked with delivering toys to children worldwide.  What follows are 107 minutes of rear screen projection flying effects, elven sweatshop, terrible child acting, and actor John Lithgow chewing more scenery...

JINGLE TURDS month continues!  The Cinematic Flushers take on a holiday home invasion !  When a wealthy ad man ( Ben Affleck ) visits his childhood home, he hires the family living there to keep him company for Christmas.  What follows are 90 minutes of sitcom level plot twists, manic acting, obvious studio sets, and THE SOPRANOS James Gandolfini looking like he was held at gunpoint for the entire...

JINGLE TURDS month continues!  The Cinematic Flushers take on a Kool Aid Santa !  When an evil version of the Claus legend ( Bill Goldberg ) returns to earth after a thousand years of giving joy, he proceeds to slaughter all the residents in a small Canadian town.  It's up to a young boy ( Douglas Smith ) and his magical grandpa ( Robert Culp ) to stop him.  What follows are 78 minutes of C cup bo...

It's JINGLE TURDS month!  The Cinematic Flushers take on Nazi puppet elves !  When a young woman ( Julie Austin ) accidentally unleashes an evil elf around the holidays, she must team up with an ex-cop ( Dan Haggerty ) in order to set things right.  What follows are 91 minutes of bad acting, sexual assault, cat homicide, horrendous special effects, and actor Haggerty smoking enough cigarettes to p...

Happy Turkey Day!  The Cinematic Flushers take on parkour robbers !  When an overweight security guard ( Kevin James ) finds himself trapped in a mall with a group of thieves on Black Friday, he attempts to take them out and impress the girl of his dreams ( Jayma Mays ).  What follows are 91 minutes of lame fat jokes, painfully unfunny physical gags, radio station soundtrack, and Mays looking like...

The Cinematic Flushers take on superhero fetish cosplay !  When a blind lawyer/vigilante ( Ben Affleck ) encounters a mysterious woman ( Jennifer Garner ), he finds himself at odds with a notorious crime lord ( Michael Clarke Duncan ).  What follows are 103 minutes of wirework stunts, CGI doubles, BDSM costumes, and actor Colin Farrell decked out like a prison tattoo artist. Here's the TRAILER . O...

The Cinematic Flushers take on videogame angels !  When a fallen cop ( Mark Wahlberg ) goes after the man who killed his wife and child, he uncovers a conspiracy involving an illegal government drug.  What follows are 100 minutes of constipated acting, CGI snowfalls, green screen backgrounds, check your pulse pacing, and Mila Kunis trying to act tougher than a Bratz doll. Here's the TRAILER . We l...

The Cinematic Flushers take on Frozen Thor !  When the Ice Queen ( Emily Blunt ) seeks out Snow White's magic mirror in order to conqueror the world, it's up to two huntsmen ( Chris Hemsworth , Jessica Chastain ) to embark on a quest to stop her.  What follows are 116 minutes of unnecessary backstory, bad wigs, perfume ad acting, absentee lead characters, and Chastain sporting a Lucky the Leprecha...

SCARY TURDS month continues!  The Cinematic Flushers take on the marijuana munchies !  When an evil bong encounters an evil cookie, it's up to a head shop owner ( John Patrick Jordan ) and a bakery store owner ( Robin Sydney ) to set things right before it's too late.  What follows are 80 minutes of endless flashback scenes, unfunny jokes, strip club boomies, and puppeteering so bad it's better su...

It's SCARY TURDS month!  The Cinematic Flushers take on crazy mamas !  When a secretary ( Ann Heche ) steals four hundred grand from her employer and flees town, her escape is interrupted when she encounters a homicidal clerk with mommy issues ( Vince Vaughn ) at a roadside motel.  What follows are 105 minutes of camera shots, sets, performances, and costumes you've already seen in the original. H...

The Cinematic Flushers take on button mashing !  When a group of friends ( Frankie Muniz among them) find themselves at the mercy of a videogame that kills in real life, they must uncover the mystery before it's too late.  What follows are 85 minutes of connect the dots plot, zero scares, low budget CGI effects, exposition dump characters, and actor Jimmi Simpson channeling his inner Ryan Reynolds...

It's SCARY TURDS month!  The Cinematic Flushers take on back brace stalking !  When three college friends ( Katee Sackhoff among them) get selected to spend a night in the old Michael Myers house as part of a reality series run by Busta Rhymes , they quickly find out he's still alive and seeking vengeance.  What follows are 94 minutes of bloodless kills, disposable characters, rap star acting, and...

The Cinematic Flushers take on the Hawaiian Gods !  When a celebrated military contractor ( Bradley Cooper ) returns to Hawaii on business, he ends up reconnecting with an old flame ( Rachel McAdams ) and falls his military liaison ( Emma Stone ).  What follows are 105 minutes of zero chemistry romance, HAWAII FIVE-O locations, Kenny Powers with a buzzcut, and actors Bill Murray and Alec Baldwin s...

The Cinematic Flushers take on low budget Deadpool !  When Marvel's favorite mutant ( Hugh Jackman ) leaves his home as a boy, he embarks on a lifelong journey of discovery while battling his more savage brother ( Liev Schreiber ) along the way.  What follows are 107 minutes of wirework fight scenes, unfinished CGI effects, rage acting, and actor Ryan Reynolds pregaming his Deadpool character in t...

The Cinematic Flushers take on evil cell phone reception !  When a worldwide cell phone attack transforms humans into rampaging zombies, two men ( John Cusack , Samuel L. Jackson ) band together in an effort to find Cusack's missing wife and son.  What follows are 98 minutes of WALKING DEAD extras, poor CGI effects, zero chemistry acting, and veteran actor Stacy Keach showing up just long enough t...

The Cinematic Flushers take on cultural appropriation !  When a cyborg operative ( Scarlett Johannson ) is tasked to find who's killing employees of a high level robotics corporation, she uncovers clues to her past life as a human.  What follows are 107 minutes of whitewash casting, boring action scenes, do-it-yourself wigs, and veteran actress Juliette Binoche showing up just long enough to make...

The Cinematic Flushers take on green screen !  When a rookie cop ( Gabriel Macht ) is brought back to life by the villainous Octopus ( Samuel L. Jackson ), he becomes a shadowy crime fighter in an effort to stop Octopus from drinking the blood of Hercules and becoming immortal.  What follows are 103 minutes of painfully sexist dialogue, nausea inducing visuals, overdressed costumes, and Jackson ch...

The Cinematic Flushers take on talking toys !  When a young boy ( Gregory Smith ) encounters a group of sentient toy soldiers waging war on a group of gentle toy monsters after a military grade microchip implant, he must find a way to save the monsters and his town before it's too late.  What follows are 110 minutes of boring CGI characters, lazy screenwriting, endless war references, and a young...