Self-Coaching

People come to therapy with the expectation that therapy will help them change. Is this a myth? After all, it's not unusual for people to remain in therapy for months, even years. What’s the truth? In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the truth about psychological change. Current research suggests that there’s no question that our genes predispose us to five identifiable core personality trait...

In everyone’s life, there are times of intense chaos, challenge, and uncertainty. Where we become overwhelmed with crippling emotions making it difficult to think or act rationally, and yet, even in the throes of such tumult, there are ways that you can fortify yourself to withstand life’s inevitable ‘meltdowns’ better. In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss, what I call, your “resilient gene.”...

In every relationship there will inevitably be ups and downs, disappointments, and regrets, but what if I told you that there’s a way to protect yourself from needless relationship conflict and surprises? There is—and in this Self-Coaching episode, you’ll learn that managing relationship “orbits” is the key. By understanding relationship orbits, you’ll be in a position to place your relationships...

In this week’s Self-Coaching podcast, I wanted to give a more complete overview of why Self-Coaching is much more than a “coaching” approach to solving life struggles. Whether it’s anxiety, depression, stress, or other struggles, you’ll find that an understanding of the dynamics of how you inadvertently contribute to your own suffering will put you in a position to choose the life you want—the lif...

Is true happiness an illusion? Well, yes and no. If you think you can be happy all the time, you will be sadly disappointed. Clearly, it’s not realistic or possible to be happy all the time, but if you’re willing to understand that within the quiet space between life’s circumstantial struggles, there resides and opportunity. An opportunity to experience life altering serenity and joy. In this Self...

In this, the first of a three-part Self-Coaching series, I talk about an old Native American tale of two wolves, one bad, one good and the battle that goes on in every human struggle. The focus of this week’s podcast is on “bad wolf” tendencies, i.e., anger, envy, regret, self-pity, guilt, inferiority, false-pride/ego. We are often aware of our negative, or ‘shadow’ traits, but when these traits o...

“To thine own self be true.” Common sense, right? But, how do we really know what our “self” is? Our, true self?  There are those who argue that the concept of a ‘true self’ is an illusion, that there is no such thing as a “true self.” From a Self-Coaching perspective, I completely disagree, not only is there a true self, but unless you understand how we inadvertently smother it’s expression, you...

You’re probably familiar with the quote that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Same goes for neurosis. If we keep indulging our habits of insecurity, why should we expect to feel different? In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the reason why we get entangled in our reflexive, neurotic ways, never realizing what the fundamental answer to our l...

From time to time, we all worry. Right? Sometimes however, our worry-thoughts just keep spinning and spinning in spite of our best intentions to stop. It’s as if worrying has a mind of its own. This isn’t far from the truth. Insecurity does have a voice; it’s the hand-wringing, what-iffing voice of chaos. If we passively yield to that voice, we do become powerless. In this Self-Coaching episode, I...

Do you want to be liked? Well, according to cognitive dissonance theory, get someone to do you a favor. Sounds crazy, right? Well, not only is it not crazy, but it explains how we justify doing things that are contrary to our better judgment and moral values. Cognitive dissonance is a mental conflict that occurs when our actions, feeling, ideas, beliefs, or values don’t line up with our actions. I...

Many people use ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ interchangeably, but they are, in fact, quite different. Join me in this Self-Coaching episode as I not only explain the difference, but dig deep into my own personal history to reveal an incident that took place many years ago that, to this day, still echoes with guilt and shame. What about you? If you forget to feed the dog, say something you regret to a frien...

It just seems that no matter how much you try to anticipate, control, or manipulate life…there’s always something! Whether it’s a cracked pipe in the basement, inflation woes, or an infestation of ants crawling in your kitchen—it’s always something…always one more thing to worry about. If you worry all the time or too much of the time, don’t think you’re going to find solace or serenity by worryin...

There are many reasons why someone suffering doesn’t choose psychotherapy. It could be fear of the unknown, the stigma of being “in therapy,” the cost, or simply confusion over the many types of therapies and therapists. In this Self-Coaching episode, you'll learn that whatever the reason for not pursuing therapy, that doesn’t mean that you need to concede to a life of struggle—not when you unders...

One of the most annoying personality traits has to do with people who are full of themselves. For them it’s all about self-promotion, blowing their own horn and never realizing that the rest of the world isn’t that interested. In this Self-Coaching episode, I talk about the need for emotional relativity—seeing yourself and your behavior in a more objective fashion. Unfortunately, the egocentric, i...

I would say that most people like to be liked. And if you’re like most people, whether it’s socially, professionally, or in your intimate relationships, it’s never a bad idea to brush up on your people skills. Research shows that people are biologically predisposed to be attracted to confident people and—no surprise—confident people tend to be socially more adept. In this Self-Coaching episode, I...

No one likes to struggle and no one intentionally decides to generate stress and emotional friction in our lives. And yet, the truth is that most of our struggles aren’t created by legitimate life challenges, they’re caused by longstanding habits of self-doubt, fear and negativity. In this Self-Coaching episode, you can find out not only ‘why’ you struggle, but what you can do to recognize and rel...

In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the improbable truth that lucky charms, rituals and various superstitions can actually have a beneficial effect on our behavior, health, and attitude. But how can this be? We know that superstitions or the belief that an object or behavior has the power to influence an outcome is, well, not logical. Yet, researchers have found that people who have luck on t...

It’s a fact that no one is lucky all the time. No one! We all have setbacks, disappointments, flat tires and rained out picnics. And yet, there are some people who, in general, just seem to have better…luck. Things seem so go well for them, they’re happier, more productive, and seemingly more blessed by life’s bounty. Are these people more lucky? And if so, are there certain characteristics of luc...

It’s understandable that we try desperately to cling to our youth, but in this Self-Coaching episode I explore the fact that unless you change your youth-oriented perspective on ageing, you will be doomed to fight your natural, psychological propensity to awaken to a much deeper, more fulfilling reality. Clinging to youth keeps us frozen, preventing us to evolve. We know intellectually that we can...

In this Self-Coaching episode, I explore the concept of low self-esteem--the negative opinions and feelings we have of ourselves. Join me as I trace the origins of low self-esteem as well as what we do to perpetuate these insecure feelings in our lives today. As natural as it is to compare ourselves to others, this is the root of low self-esteem, especially if our comparisons are contaminated by p...

In this Self-Coaching podcast, I respond to an email from a listener outlining her long-standing emotional struggles with explosive anger, low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. I'm introducing a new format of responding to specific questions sent to me in order to provide you with a real-life application of Self-Coaching. I hope to give you a more direct glimpse as to how Self-Coaching can be...

In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the subtle differences between fear, anxiety, and panic. Fear is an inherited, survival—fight-flight—mechanism ensuring our ability to react spontaneously to an external danger. Anxiety is fear injected with insecurity driven-thinking. Panic is the end result of a mind-body depletion caused by prolonged stress, anxiety, and loss of self-trust and confidence...

Ever ask yourself, “what’s normal?” Actually, ‘normal’ is a statistical concept, not a people concept. We can, however, use the term to refer to your uncorrupted personality—your normal personality. Insecurity is what hijacks your pristine—normal—personality, convincing you that in order to handle life’s challenges you need to develop strategies to compensate for your vulnerabilities. This may not...

Our lives flow from childhood through adolescence to the middle years and, so as not to spook you, to what I call the, post-middle years. It’s the middle years (let’s say from our 30s to our 50s), which are typically spent in what we might call the acquisition phase of life. That’s where we typically go through an external whirlwind of doing, buying, competing, becoming, evolving, and so on (phew!...

Let’s face it, no one escapes life challenges. Sometimes, it’s all we can do to slog through and regain our emotional balance. In this Self-Coaching episode, I reintroduce and expand my ‘wave’ theory for handling life’s inevitable struggles. You’ll learn about the four types of “waves” and various Self-Coaching strategies for getting through even the most devastating life events. What’s interestin...