Good Girls Talk About Sex

People typically talk about an absence of sex as something gone wrong, followed by an array of advice to spice up, fix, rekindle, reboot, top down, bottoms up, laugh, cry, and eventually achieve perfect sex. But what if your life feels pretty perfect without it?  Kristen grew up in Purity Culture, so her lack of interest in dating was a plus as a teenager. But when she became an adult and still wa...

Talk about coming full circle: when your friends-with-benefits from age 12 comes back around to become your life partner and literally make your deepest taboo fantasies come true. Rachel shares how she started kissing in daycare, experimented sexually in her teens, tried marriage and polyamory, learning BDSM and psychedelically-enhanced role playing along the way. Rachel is a 38-year-old, cisgende...

Rain Dove grew up with a birth certificate that listed gender as "F." For much of their life, they imagined that "F" stood for "Failure" to be properly "Female." Today Rain is a gender-bending model who walks runways for designers of both masculine- and feminine-coded clothing. Rain is also an activist working to make the world better for people of all genders, orientations, and more. Rain is curr...

In this episode, I talk about what's been going on and where I've been. Then, we take a deep dive into a question from Reddit about whether not saying "no" is the same as assault. Thank you to our episode sponsor: Beducated - Get a free trial PLUS lock in a rate that's 65% off FOREVER! Use the coupon code GOODGIRLSTALK. Sign up at: http://beducate.me/pd2208-goodgirlstalk   For full show notes and...

Having trouble loving your body? In our culture that's normal, no matter your shape or size. In a special crossover episode, Leah talks with Rachael and Kelsea on the Thick Thighs Save Lives podcast about how public nudity experiences along her journey sexual awakening transformed her understanding about what kinds of bodies are lovable. She gives tips on how to feel better naked, tune into what y...

Did you know when you say "I feel fat" it's actually code for something much deeper? In a special crossover episode, Leah talks with Kate and Haje on the Human Awareness podcast about body image and how many of us feel our personal worth is defined by how our body looks; how we think once we deal with body image issues they should be done and never recur; and how she learned to overcome numbness r...

What happens when you discover the reason you've never been interested in sex is that you've been having the wrong kind of sex for your body? And that the mismatch at the root of your loving-but-sexless marriage is that your spouse doesn't want that kind of sex? Michelle, one of our most popular guests from the past, returns to talk about what has happened over the last two years, including beginn...

Surprise! It's a bonus episode! Leah shares how she became a featured guest on the #1 sex and relationship advice podcast, and why it is such a big deal for her. Savage Lovecast episode - https://savage.love/lovecast/2022/01/04/a-study-of-hypno-porn/ Full show notes - https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/how-i-ended-up-on-dan-savages-podcast/   Update:   Since this episode was released, the...

How can kink un-kink you? Cate is a sex educator who discovered for themselves that kink can be therapy for chronic pain, emotional overwhelm, and neurodivergent patterns. Cate shares how they manage being ADHD, demisexual, non-monogamous, and pansexual, after surviving growing up Catholic. If you spend time thinking about gaming, fruit snacks, or ADHD you may already know Cate. You can find them...

Whether it's secretly watching our parents' porn or uninformative Sex Ed, most of us get inadequate information about sex. Liz learned to pleasure herself early on, then followed her instincts about who to kiss and when to have sex for the first time. The same inner compass led her to leave two marriages and advocate for her libido. Liz is a 44-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as w...

Is it normal to want dating without hook-ups? And what if you don't even know who you want to date? When you're on the asexual spectrum with bisexual attractions, it can be confusing to chart desire and create a relationship that works for you. Alice from South Africa talks about having very little sex education and a low sex drive, but still finding her way. Alice is a 23-year-old cisgender femal...

How do you know you're queer if you don't even know that's an option? It's hard to imagine what we can't see. Julia takes us through confusing early fantasies to landing that first girl-kiss to realizing what it means to love people with vaginas in all their gender presentations. Now she wants to start exploring anal play. Julia is a 27-year-old cisgender woman. She describes herself as white, que...

What happens when a girl grows up in purity culture and gets married to the first boy who pays attention to her, just so she can have sex? Is purity culture religious abuse? In this episode we hear that story from Gabby. She is a 34-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself as white, straight but open to exploring, currently non-monogamous with three recurring partners. She has two sons, is...

Joy talks about taboo territory like incest porn, being HSV-2 positive, and trying out "water sports." She has early memories of non-consensual experiences, which led to weak boundaries and a tendency towards dissociation and passivity. A hysterectomy and genital changes further changed her body and libido. She's always enjoyed masturbation and has been unpartnered for some time; she's ready to ex...

Brenda grew up in a "sex silent" household and transitioned right into purity culture. For a naturally highly sexual person, this spelled dysfunction and disaster. She found her way out of abuse and repression, went through a period of intense exploration, and she is now an advocate and educator for other survivors of religious trauma. She shares her truth publicly and celebrates all of her experi...

Kay is our youngest guest yet, and she lets us in on how her generation is exploring sex differently because they're the first with easy access to p*rn. She has dated people of multiple genders, and realized she loves all bodies. Despite her young age, Kay has already learned hard lessons about toxic relationships, trust, and consent. Kay is an 18-year-old cisgender female. She describes herself a...

Caz is an open book with a ton of chapters: a non-binary disability advocate kink-loving trauma survivor pain/pleasure early wayfinder who left live sex shows for the dating apps. The extraordinary roads they had to navigate led them to know themselves intimately, and helped them learn to accept, manage, and finally enjoy bodily pain. Caz is a 40-year-old, non-binary person who was assigned female...

Tori grew up in a church that preached purity culture, which mostly taught her what she didn't want—a life with far more shame than sex, compounded by firmly fixed instructions around gender. She followed her pleasure down roads less traditionally traveled and created polyamorous and non-monogamous relationships with people across the gender spectrum. It works for her, her partners, and the childr...

Tammy is a listener-turned-guest who takes us into her American Jewish culture and shares how that shaped her early experiences around sex and marriage, and led her into situations that were unhealthy and downright dangerous. She dedicated herself repeatedly to making a better life for herself and her children—a life that hopefully includes serious sexual satisfaction and positive role-modeling fo...

It's our 100th episode!!!!! Ar Blia is a listener-turned-guest who has been untangling early experiences of trauma, limiting cultural beliefs, and confusing desires to first explore and then advocate for her own pleasure. Even within the constricts of a conservative community, she has been able to find adventure, find herself, and find a partner who truly works for her. Ar Blia is a 27-year-old ci...

Karin talks about living with cerebral palsy and how she shows up in her own life and on Instagram. Early in her life, she struggled with hating her body, and had to work to get to place where she could see her body as worthy of experiencing pleasure. She had a brief storybook romance with a young man who also had CP. She is frank about planning, logistics, and how things like choice and vulnerabi...

Chandra grew up in the 7th Day Adventist church, which she equates to a cult. She faults the church for being an educational, social, and religious system that neither acknowledges nor teaches that consent exists for women. She became (mildly) rebellious, experimented with illicit hand-holding, got married, got out, and then embarked on a season of experimentation. Chandra is a 29-year-old, cisgen...

Gina grew up as a hot babe, the kind we'd all be jealous of. It took a long journey of sexual acting out and questionable marriages for her to realize that she was both groomed to be this way, and that it's a trauma response to early assaults. Being performative, dominant, or checking out are still common ways her body responds, even though she loves her husband. She is the mother of two daughters...

Danielle is a therapist who has also graduated from the school of life. Her earliest sexual experiences were non-consensual and impacted her for long after the events happened in implicit, explicit, and confusing ways. She found healing within a happy marriage, then suffered a miscarriage with its own series of impacts. She's doing well now, and still loves a Reverse Cowgirl. Danielle is a 35-year...

Christine inhabits a sexual landscape that includes orgies, bondage, non-monogamy, skilled play partners, and sex-positive parties. She talks about a surprising struggle: how dissociation and OCD impact her ability to orgasm, even while having lots of fun. Christine Wild is the host of the podcast Running Wild With Christine.  She is also the author of the book "Just Bad Timing." You can find Chri...